I wish I had the guts to end my life too, specifically because I have no family. If I did I would love and cherish them and not worry about how they felt about me. But I have none. I hope death comes soon.

Family never does get it. But did want you to know we read your post and GET IT. Just thought my give you some satisfaction if I relayed that sentiment. I cant end it because of religious beliefs so I get that too.

hehehe, my family wished i was dead long time ago but the thing is I never have paid attention on this!! IF u can find a strength to continue this life alone --- not depending so much of them , ULL SEE HOW MUCH BEAUTIFUL IT IS!!! Im not saying to distract u from ur family , but to try that , before doing anything else !!!

I do have guts , and I would have end soon!! but the only thing is that I KNOW HOW THIS LIFE FABULOUS CAN BE , U DONT BELIEVE??? TRY IT 4 URSELF, EVERY DAY , EVERY DAY , TRY LIVING IT !!

You don't lack the guts. You just don't really want to die. The depression is clouding your head with these thoughts, but you have to fight them.

As for yuor family, you are jumping to conclusions. How do you know your sister's text was blatantly fake? Maybe she really feels it is too bad. I don't see anything wrong with what she said. I say similar things like that al of the time and it's genuine. Sometimes its for a lack of better words, but it's certainly not because of a lack of caring. How do you know it is obvious your parents want you to leave them alone? I am sure they care and feel for you, but there is only so much they can do.

How did you come to the conclusion that they don't care if you live or die? Did they tell that to you? The fact that they talk to you every day is a sign that they care.

I really think your depression is making you look for things that aren't there. Don't believe the lies of this black cloud trying to drag you down.

have you talked to a therapist or tried anti depressants? I stayed away from all of that for years. I finally recently admitted I had a serious problem. I was ready to end it all, even had a plan that made sense (to me atleast). Thankfully I had an appointment with my shrink that day and told him being there was a waste of my time and broke down into tears. Which is uncharacteristic of me, I don't cry. I always beleive in being strong, suck it up mentality.
Anyway, after a talk with him he asked that I stay at the hospital for a few days. I agreed. After one night I wanted to go home but he encouraged me to stay...after a few days I saw it was infact helping me. I stayed 7 days and probably would have done even better if I had stayed 10 days but I have a family that I needed to get home too or atleast felt I needed to get home to, I am sure they would not starve without me. Although prior to me going to the hospital they acted like I had to do everything for them.
I am now on anti depressants and ativan as well as remron for my insomnia...,.I can honestly say I am starting to feel better and more like myself.
I felt like a total zombie for a few days but as my body is adjusting, the old me is returning without all the sadness, hopelessness and anxiety.
I really recommend you talk to a doctor and tell them just how dark your thoughts have become. It is hard to admit to others sometimes but we need to so we can embrace a way better life that is waiting for us:)

I agree with Maika and Blue Yonder. I hope you are feeling better.

Thank you alll for replying. I will give a little bit of background.

I am 45 and have struggled with depression and an anxiety disorder, OCD, since I was 15. I was seeing a psychiatrist for 13 years till he retired. He didnt believe that medicines worked but he did put me on Luvox, which I guess is an SSRI. I was on that for many years and it took the edge off my OCD.

After my psychiatrist retired, I took a break from therapy for about half a year then started with a new group. The psychiatrist took me off Luvox n the hopes that I could find a drug that did more than just take the edge off things. It took me months to get off Luvox because I kept getting dizzy and sick when I tried to stop it.

I eventually got off Luvox and tried Zoloft. I got dizzy and tired within five days. I tried Lexipro for three months. Nothing. I tried Celexa which gave me anxiety attacks and Prozac with made me ragey and more depressed. All SSRIs.

After exhausting all those drugs,I tried Zoloft again at a smaller dose and got a pounding headache after three days. I tried to get back on Luvox at half the dose and was so dizzy I thought I would pass out.

It seems whenever I take an SSRI, I get sick, even though my body used to tolerate it.

I talked to my psychiatrist about two weeks ago and the options left are few. He suggested an MAO inhibitor but I dont think I could trust myself with that because of the food restrictions. He also suggested a drug that beings with a P but I cant remember the name. I would have to have frequent blood tests and EKGs. Then he found out I am on a headache drug that would react badly with the drug starting with a P. Will have to find out the name of that drug. I am now trying to get back on Luvox at 1/4 of the dose I was on before.

Yesterday was a particularly low day for me. I got a bacterial infection in the beginning of the week and had to spend Thanksgiving alone. It was one of the most depressing days of my life.

Thank you to everyone who listened and replied to me.

Honey, my family has NEVER been there for me. Get used to it.

You will find friends out there that treat you like family. Those are your best source of support and love.

We are given a family but luckily we can choose our friends. Welcome friend. This site will provide you with lots of folks who understand and Get It.

Akacountry, how pathetic would it sound if I said I have no friends?

I have been in the same place alot lately. My therapist said to think about your friends and support people you do have how bad they would feel if you end your life. Her favorite quote is you need to ride the wave. It is okay to have bad days but this too shall pass. Family can really affect how you feel I have learned. Please hang on. If you need to talk I am here to listen just let me know.

You have friends here. If you were able to make them here...well you can make them anywhere.

Do you go to therapy? Try group therapy....you will meet lots of folks just like you and I and may even forget about your pain for a little while. Try it...you might like it.