I feel for you!
Try not to be so hard on yourself...Perhaps there is something to live for coming your way soon....
Hang on to hope however small it might be....
Thats whats getting me through right now.
Hugs x

I hear you, ending one's life is one of the hardest things to do. Whoever says it's the cowards way out is full of shit. I want to live too but I have to push myself past this and get the job done. You can hang in there, as long as you aren't fubar'd you can survive the lows. I hope you can get through this.

I've been where you are and it was hell. I wanted to die everyday, it was all I thought about. Then, after 2 years of trial and many errors I finally found the right medications that work for me. Now I don't think about suicide at all.

Have you talked to a doctor? Do you take any meds now? You don't have to suffer like this, there is help available. Keep posting here, I care - Big Hugs

Thank you all for your responses. Yes I am on medicine. The very medicine I got off last year because I thought maybe another medicine would be more helpful. I don't believe there is hope for me but I am too much of a coward to end it

I'm so sorry. I know what that hell is like. Personally I'm glad you're "a coward." (Although I think it takes enormous strength and courage to just stay alive sometimes.)

I hope you feel better soon. I don't know what meds you're on (if any) or what therapy .. so I can't give any advice. Not that you asked. ;)

{{{hugs}}}

If you're a coward so am I. I just can't stop trying. I wish I could stop but I can't. I don't know what's dragging me on but I'm not going to be able to give up and find sweet release, I know that now.

Something inside of you is making sure you won't do this. Is that cowardice talking? Or maybe the will to live?

Every night I feel that way. The only thing keeping me alive is my dog and the worry of who may find me. I want to live, but I don't want to live this way. I've tried multiple medications, counseling, support groups, etc, nothing seems to work.

I'm 54, in bad health, but wanna keep on going.

Chipped a tooth yesterday, dont have any relatives, dont have any money, no friends, no transportation, but still wanna keep on going on.

Maybe if you could move out of Philly...?

You are not a coward for holding onto life. I do believe it is possible to grow, to change and to fight back. Getting through menopause really helped me, along with a lifestyle change and God.

But please take some steps to try and change, which is the hardest thing to start. Exercise is something that made an incredible difference to my life. We were created to move, not sit in front of TV's and computers all day. I started riding a bike, and I felt alive again. When I miss a few days, I can feel the difference. So that is my advice.

My sympathy is that you are a worthwhile human being, and don't give up. (((Hugs)))

You are not a coward, you just know in your heart and gut that it is not the right thing to do and isn't what you truly want to do. You are asking for help and that is the bottom line. Stay around with us and we will support you and care about you, okay? I'm going to be on line both New Years Eve and New Years if you need to talk. Hugs GB

Thank you every one. Sometimes the depression goes away for a couple of hours but it always comes back the next morning. I have lost so much of my life to depression. I have spent the last two days in bed. That is what I do when I get depressed. I sleep.

OMG Kristie, I love your Avatar. I would love to have that tattooed on my back!

I am glad I didn't have the guts to end it. I am also glad that each time it got bad enough I went and got help as opposed to being gone forever. There are so many things that would have ended badly if I had of been successful in ending it. There was a neighbor trapped under a boat that me and another neighbor had to rescue. There were friendships that never would have been if I wasn't there to be a part of it. My mother was only a day or two from death and it was me that called 911 to get her the help she needed. She passed three years later from cancer but never would have had those three very important years if I had of been gone. So if you want to call it being a coward I am glad to be a coward right along with you. I now hope I never have the guts to end my own life.

i wanna end it too. i feel u. but try to hang in there please. i face darkness wantin to see me on the other side. lets hope we make it

I am new here, and I have depression and anxiety. I just want to say, what could be absolutely terrible today, could be so different tomorrow. It takes courage to stay here and find out.

I have not posted much, but I do read the posts, and I have learned, there is much love, compassion and support here.

God bless.
Kasandra