Umm,

Should your goal really be trying not to "agitate" her? Or should you be listening to her, understanding her point of view, and perhaps looking for a compromise?

I don't think she would just suddenly be thinking of leaving you unless you have done things like this before and this is the last straw.
You need to be able to assure her that you can fix this, that you have a solid plan, and that your future together is the most important thing to you.
Sometimes we women think when our man doesn't show that he is worried, it means he isn't worried and itsnt working toward fixing anything. Therefore we try to worry for our man and solve his problems, often embarrassing ourselves to friends and family and feeling like our man is weak.
Work on solving this financial crisis and creating a more stable future for your family. Then the trouble with your wife should resolve itself. If it doesn't maybe she has some other issue with you or some worry that she hasn't filled you in on.
I tell my man I'm breaking up with him all the time and threaten him or kick him out. It's the only thing that seems to get thru to him when he is in a funk and not being productive or supportive.
Sounds like your wife is just overwhelmed and maybe regretting this lifestyle and some of her decisions. Doesn't mean she will leave you, just that she is unhappy and needs some changes.

I agree with Ghostwolfe on this. On the other hand, you could invite or even insist she leave. I don't recommend it though ... it's just that I would have taken offense at her manipulation.

I disagree with Ghost. She sounds like a nice person. But not a lot of women kick their men out or threaten them. I understand that both of you are going through some hell right now. Only reason I am lumping you guys together is because while I don't think its the same situation it seems like it has a lot in common.

From what I gather, from my ex fiance , is that men don't like to be threatened or pushed. You have enough stress in your life then to be worrying about how she MIGHT react. I think I don't know because I can't read your mind that you were feeling like your not good enough and then to top it all off she threatened to leave you when you need her the most.

On the other hand I agree with wanderingVet. I know it's a lot trickier then having a fiance when you are married to the other person. But if I married my fiance and this happened to him? I would stay with him through richer or poorer.

Maybe you need to remind her why she married you in the first place how much the two of you love each other. Take her on a picnic. It doesn't have to cost a lot of money just pack some sandwiches. put them in a bag. If you have kids ask a relative to take them and have fun with them for a few hours. Then tell your wife you have something you HAVE to show her. If she will let you blindfold her ( good luck with that I wouldn't wear one lol). Just do something the two of you loved before you even got engaged.

Whatever happened to 'for better or worse, for richer or poor"...unless you've done other stuff your not talking about....it's pretty pathetic that she's ready to bail because things got tough. Marriage is hard and life is even harder, and there will be tough times. If she can't handle it, it may be good that you find out now before you waste the next 5 or more years of your life.

If she's not willing to work with you to get through the financial issues, and every marriage has them, then perhaps she's not the right life partner for you.

I want you to know that I am praying for you guys! We all make mistakes... I make them everyday. Have you considered talking to a pastor or couples counseling? It helped me. Hope to hear from you soon.

Thank you OlderCPer and Rascimo! Jackmash and others, some of these situations seem extraordinarily unhealthy, let alone superficial and materialistic. Granted we are getting one side of the story, but it seems like there is a bigger issue. A marriage shouldn't depend on your finances. If something like that does in the eyes of your wife (or anyone's significant other, or even yourself) then that should probably be reevaluated. Wow, I just joined and I'm actually surprised, disappointed and kind of concerned by some of the advice and feedback. I know I will catch some crap for saying this and so be it. I'm also a bit concerned with the throwing around of gender roles in all this. ANYONE, male, female, trans can play each side in an issue like this. It's a people problem, not just a man or woman problem.

I really have to ask... When you decided to go into RE, was it a mutual agreement? If it's a yes, she can't be ditching you now just because things aren't working out. My husband and I are investors too, and like you, we made some bad choices and we're living with family now to save some money and get back on our feet again. I realized before we got into this, that we've chosen the tough road to success but it was my choice as well as his.

He told me before we got married that life will be tough with him because he's never gonna be the 9 to 5 kinda guy. He's not lazy, but his character is too strong to be working under somebody because he has ideas and very innovative which can sometimes be unconventional or disagreeable for the company. Hence we've been doing freelance work together and investing. What you really need is a partner who can work together with you, both in the business and the family. Is she someone who can do that? Or just a shadow, always by your side but disappears when the sun is gone?