Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
So, I looked into the mlitary program my abusive grandmother wants to try to apply me for. And, at first I thought "oh hell no" because they want to cut my hair. And my hair is just... mine.. then I thought that the hell was I considering it about, I'm emotionally unstable and no way in hell and put up with that without a million and one mental breakdowns. And so now telling my grandmother that. Apparently she's going to quote "sign me over to the court and let them find somewhere for you" and I'm worried because I have a lot of things that I worry about, I'm a youtuber, and add in that I NEED MY MUSIC. It's my only sanity I have left. When I go to a mental hospital for cutting... for 5 days... I lose my mind without my music... let alone a long time... I don't know what to do... my grandmother always says when I leave that I can't take anything of mine with me... And I am worried about my sanity... because she gave a few belongings of mine to some guy from my church saying I need to work for him to earn them back. And it pisses me off. I need my belongings... And she won't ever fucking tell me what is happening with them and about stuff like that but when it comes to her talking to me about something I don't want to talk about I better fucking listen!:(
I think we have to ask objectively what you're doing there. Do you do all your chores without being asked? Are you getting your homework done? If you are cutting, do you understand that this will have a huge impact on Grandma? If she is recommending you go into care, I'd say she's very close to the edge.
If it's her? Go. Get it done. If it's you? Change. Change and toe the line. Buy into it, see what you can learn from her. Nobody is all good, nobody is all bad. But if you can find the best in grandma, and take that on, and learn it for yourself, then it won't even matter what her bad side is.
Turn over a new leaf. Here she is, taking care of you. She didn't birth you but she's taken you on. It's hard. She should be enjoying her golden years. But she hasn't given you the kick, and she keeps feeding you, and if your laws are anything like my laws, she ain't getting any social welfare help for it.
So woo her. Make her love you. I don't mean romantically -ick. I mean emotionally. Make her feel valued. Make her feel like something she has done was worth it. She's probably more depressed than you are. That's the bit you don't realise. She's probably suicidal, and I mean for real. What a thankless horror has been visited upon her. (I don't mean you. I mean the situation of you. A grandmother really shouldn't have to raise her grandson! It's too hard!)
Grumpy old women are usually like that because they're distraught. And they often have no sympathy for you because they can't afford to have sympathy for anybody, or they'd top themselves. do you understand? That hardness is what's keeping them from breaking.
So melt that hard heart, and learn how to melt hearts by doing it. Pour some kindness on that brittle, crusty, dessicated little pump. See if you can get it beating again.
So do your chores. Carry the shopping bags in from the car. Rush to do for her when you see things need doing. Make her feel human. Make her feel wanted. When you see a task that needs doing, rush to do it. Make her feel like something she has done is important. Do you understand how thankless her life is? You hate her guts, but she keeps on feeding and housing you. How awful is that? It's not her fault you are there. It's not yours either - but what you have now is a golden opportunity to benefit from this situation.
How?
By learning everything it's got to teach. Taking out of it every last skerrick of self growth and self discovery. By strengthening, by becoming a man. By stepping up, in short, and being the man of the house. Mowing the lawns, helping her out. Taking care of her.
Everybody is a living being. If you two fight constantly and you hate it? Change it. Change how you handle her, and see if that changes how she handles you.
Bet you $100 it does.
Bridgie101 I agree with your 1st post but you lost me at the last one.
It's important to stop thinking about how we feel about our parents, and start thinking about how they feel about us.
Our opinion is going to change. What we think of them now is not how we will think of them in ten years and how we think of them in ten years is not how we will think of them in twenty. By the time we're fifty we might have a reasonable point of view. So our point of view at fifteen is, to be blunt, to be ignored. Try to remember your opinion of your parents at 15. You thought they were soul crushing satans didn't you. We all do. We hate them. We hate them totally at fifteen. They are bullies, and assholes and they're just trying to crush our dreams. Remember? It happens to everyone.
So for the OP I was saying: be fair. Do your share of the work. Be respectful. Smile and be kind, and see if that changes anything. That is all you have to do to make your grandma love you. It doesn't take much. But if she's right on the edge of screaming, then you need to review what you're doing. Stop calling her the abusive grandma, and stop making her want to scream. Acknowledge her contribution. I bet $100 that this will change evil grandma witch into soft caring grandma who has things like biscuits and cakes hidden about the house for her darling grandson.
Every grandma wants to dote on her grandson. That's what she wants. make it so.