Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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bafw26 05/18/2011

Please don't tell me to go the ER or see my doc. Been there, done that. No insurance, no money, no job, partially homeless, and on food stamps. Most of my days I spend at the library or out looking for jobs. I have been doing this for two years and have only gotten one terrible part time job that almost cost me more in gas than the job paid itself, and it was temporary. My family of origin is completely fragmented and my parents are very abusive, as are my siblings. There are no family get togethers of any kind, not even on the holidays. Every relationship and every job I have ever had has been a complete disaster. I keep failing over and over. This has been going on for 20 years and quite frankly I am ready to call it quits. I am so damn tired of the platitudes, such as "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". Well, does 20 years sound temporary? Or, "think about the effects it will have on your loved ones". Well, I really don't have any loved ones. My family doesn't give a crap and has demonstrated it again and again, so I really couldn't care less how it affects them. I feel the same way about my "friends". I am a 38 year old guy, college educated, clean cut, etc, yet I can't find a way to support myself. If it weren't for food stamps I would be in big trouble. Medications and counseling haven't worked. I am drowning in debt that I will likely never be able to pay off. I was turned down for a couple of jobs because my credit sucks. Gee, great country we live in. You lose your job, get behind on your bills, then they use it against you in the hiring process. Makes total sense!

I have a detailed plan about how to kill myself, and have for a long time. It's gotten so bad that I am truly considering that option. All I want is to be somewhat independent and make my own way, but apparently that is never going to happen, at least not the way the economy is. If nothing changes and fast, I am going to exit this cruel, cold, callous shit hole of a world we live in.

Is anyone else out there in a pit of despair so deep and dark that you truly see no way out?

deleted_user 05/18/2011

It sounds like you have been through very difficult things in your life, and you sound like you have been a fighter and a survivor. You should give yourself more credit and think about the things that you have done well and right to make it through to today. Now YOU have the power to make yourself happy, even though you did not have control over these things in the past.

jacob77 05/18/2011

The reason suicide is so painful is that one foregos any plan for the future. You can't change anything. You can't move, go back to school, get married, or do anything to better your life. It's final. I can relate to your family. My family doesn't talk to me much. Can you try to think of something else to put your mind at ease? Oftentimes we obsess about suicide because we see it as the only way out.

mystie 05/18/2011

I'm right there with you in the pit of despair and no way out.
As I've told my pdoc over and over..people say there is a light at the end of the tunnel but there is no light for me. The problems just keep piling up.
Fortunately, I am on disability, but the debt is so enormous that I can't pay all of it and rarely have enough money for food for me and my kids.
It is hard to keep doing this over and over. I too have been battling depression and anxiety for over 20 years too.
You are not alone in this constant uphill battle.

deleted_user 05/19/2011

I could have written that post myself, baf. At least 85% of it. I don't have amazing words of wisdom b/c I am still trying to figure out a lot of it myself. I will say that the suicide route is not the way. I have been down that road too and as much as this bastard called depression wants to take me out, I am not going to let it. I actually want to be happy again and I dream of a peaceful life. So, I do get it...and I get the darkness that makes us believe we should end it. But then I think of all of the stuff I still want to do and find something to hold onto. Last week it hit me hard again..but I pushed through. You can too. Maybe I am just turning into more of a stubborn wench and refuse to let my family (estranged) and the man win. ( : Hang tight...know that you can do this too. Be good to yourself.

deleted_user 05/19/2011

Wow, hello my friend. It sounds like we are kindered spirits. Yes, I know the pit well. I am 40, college educated, not terrible looking, somewhat accomplished and have always taken something like marriage pretty seriously YET I have been unemployed for 30 months (except when I worked a straight commission position which ended up costing me more money than I made), have been turned down for jobs by the likes of Target...yes, that's right , Target as in the store...., (I used to lease commercial real estate to national retailers like The Limited), have begun living off of credit cards as of this month, live with my 75 year old parents and sleep in the room I grew up in and I am single and will not even consider dating right now because I think my self-esteem is in a very very bad place. So much for the white picket fence, 2 car garage and 2.5 kids since my time to have children is running out...BUT all is not lost. I am healthy, able-bodied, capable and willing to experience what else life has in store for me. I am without doubt, not the person I was two or three years ago but I have learned to appreciate what I DO have. In my darkest of times, I too thought death would certainly be easier than waking up the next day. I too have planned it out in my mind the best way possible with the least burden on my family. I understand where you are at right now but the feeling and the thoughts passed for me and they will for you as well. Death is not bad but suicide is not the answer because you are cheating yourself out of a life that IS worth living. You can learn a lot about yourself through these horrible times and who knows where it may take you or who you may be able to help in the future. Don't allow depression to cheat you out of the enjoying the little things, appreciating what you have or experiencing the next part of your life. I appreciate what jennieshines said about fighting it. You can do this! Hugs to you...

deleted_user 05/19/2011

I have attempted and obviously did not succeed. I thank everything that I am still here today. I know what it is like, feel free to talk to me if you need to.

deleted_user 05/19/2011

I have suffered from depression pretty much all my life but got worst during my married life and even worse when I divorced. I do have lots to appreciate and to live for. But unfortunately, that is not enough to keep me from thinking about suicide. My depression can get really bad and when it does, I totally think like you, honestly. I have family that cares about me and a lovely daughter, but this terrible mental illness does not allow me to be happy. I don't know what else to do to be happy, I tried everything! I do have happy days but they end so quickly. So those happy days are what keep me on my feet. I also think about how devastated my daughter would be if I committed suicide. But honestly, I think about it and obsessed about it more than my family imagines. I do feel your pain! Hugs

deleted_user 05/19/2011

suicide they say is so bad because it is selfish and leaves the loved ones behind wondering what they could have done. But where they are wrong is that once a person decides it a go, there is no stopping them. I have spent days, agonizing how to commit suicide, I have played out scenerios in my head, I have longed to just let someone else take me. But I dont agree that it is selfish, when I go, the world will be better, my life has been a pradody of what society says I should be but inside I am nothing, empty and wish every day for release. I am not a hurter I am a lover. I help ppl and all the while wish I wasn't alone in my feelings of loving the idea of being dead.

deleted_user 05/22/2011

Hey My Friend,
I just read your post. First of all I am so sorry that you feel the way you do! You might be tired of hearing that but I am! Secondly, Don't let the depression beat you... you beat it!!! I know its easier said than done believe me i've been right where you are. (And sometimes still go there). At least on here you have people to encourage you and lift you up. There have been times I didn't. I would love to tell you good family stories that I have. But I don't know any either. So please don't think you are at this a lone. But if you take the "easy" way out, tomorrow you can't change your mind or take it back. You are here for a reason. You've been battling this for 20 years? My hats off to you because most people don't last 20 days before they throw in the towl. Keep going. Find you a church or a local non-profit agency that will help you get back on your feet.
If you have a bible I want you to read some of these verses... Actually i'll just right them out for you.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-7

Be kind to yourself and I'm here if you need anything.
10,000 Blessings to you!
Aaron

AmbeRene 05/22/2011

Welp make some room for me in the dark pit of self worthlessness. Im fresh out of the ER was on lock down etcetera the whole sha-bang! Problem is the staff really did nothing That helped, I sat there for 6 hrs not being acknowledged,it became very frustrating. But in a weird way being around all the chaos calmed me down. & I think people Like me who suffer from this BS of depression & bipolar will agree Even in my lowest lows helping others or easing people's pain in some way eases mine aswell. I think having people, be it a support group like this or any type of life Line really does help. Use you knowledge and experience of depression and help others cope with theirs. I know I need the help myself and someone to kick my in the but to stay here and proceed to get the help I need. Though im still not even sure What it is..? Any woot you can't leave if I can't! Haha Just help us out and well I know im here to help as much as possible aswell . even you punk. :)

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