"..because i know i will never have her or anyone like her.."

Well, if you really believe that then you are absolutely correct!

"..some ugly fucken slob.."

The key word here is ugly..if you are ugly inside then that's what you will attract - ugly! - even if she is drop-dead gorgeous on the outside! Be careful what you wish for, son..
You need to work on YOU and stop looking for external things to make you happy; no one's gonna make themselves available to you just because you desire them & I'm not sure what GOD has to do with any of this!

I think you should use that anger to motivate you to better YOURself, not to break others down for what they have. (You'll probably get mad at me saying that, but I don't think anger is doing you any good.) There is plenty of free mental health care programs around. You being in NY, I can imagine you have more resources than a lot of people.

http://www.nami.org/

Ever hear of the National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI)? That would be a good place to find your resources. They have support meetings all over NY, I'm sure. I know they do in Chicago.

I can not approach women either and it is heartbreaking, lonely and terribly depressing. The Frustrating thing is that The majority of people really don't fully understand Where You are coming from. I see a Doctor, Anti Depressants etc and still pretty miserable most the time. Like me, I Think maybe You just have to change your way of thinking, do something you would never consider(In a good way of course)- ask the girl out you never would or Join a support? Club? type thingy where you can chat weekly with like minded people. I have been trying to change all my life so just changing is not easy by any means but I don't know any other positive Options other than hanging in, fighting the good fight etc- Best of Luck!! I

for the poster who mentioned that i lived in syracuse, i do not. that is the city i posted because i dont want anyone to see where i live

With that attitude you will never find anyone..Especially if you are basing who they are on their level of attractiveness..Start looking for women with personality, and ignore the outer aspect....Im not saying you have to disregard all outer aspects. But looks can just be a bonus!

i think in this case you need to focus on the core issue which is you are not well at the moment. the issue causing you to be so angry and wanting to kill happy people that is exactly what is keeping you from any relationship from attracting anyone.

deal with the real issues first then when you have some love to give you will find a relationship. it's not fair to yourself or to a woman for you to get involved with them while you are not well. it's nothing personal...it's just not rational thinking in my opinion.

i'm just getting out of a relationship with a man i love very much. i am in agony. but we are both really sick people right now. we both have addictions that are untreated. he has the kind of anger you seem to have and he was very abusive. he did verbally rip me and caused me a lot of damage to tell you the truth. is that the kind of partner you want to be????

get well......you deserve that. and so does your next partner no matter how phsically beautiful she is.....

also can you say more about your system of services where you live?? i know mental health services are getting cut right and left...there may be a non profit that offers counseling on a sliding scale if you need that....i'm sure there is something out there for you......and here of couse it's great that you posted here.....

I have the same thoughts from time to time. But my advise and forgive me if this was already said is better yourself. I feel that you or I and many others are not going to be top male models but we can get and shape and have a healthy fit appearance. Not to mention exercise does wonders for your self esteem. Im guilty of slacking myself but I realize that if I want a decent looking girl that takes care of herself. I also have to take care of myself both physically and mentally.
I hope this helps or other advise that other post have offered.

I'm sorry you feel that way but Summerwind is correct, the time differences have a lot to do as to when your post is read. I use to talk to an important friend on Meebo, until it disappeared but I found out through talking with him that it's much later where he is then where I am so we can't talk to long. So please don't take it personally, it has nothing to do with you, but it's all about the time zones.
And for how you are feeling, I'm sure you are feeling insecure so you THINK that you are not attractive but I have a feeling that you are. So, try and think positively and next time, maybe try and get to know that person. From being around for too long I should say, I have dated many good looking men only to find them very ugly on the inside and to this day, I have regretted not dating a couple that were not that great looking, but would have made wonderful husbands or boyfriends, whichever the case might have been.

here is the thing, i really would like to quit drinking and smoking pot, here comes the but. i would not know what to even do with myself, all my life has revolved around drinking and drugging. that is all i know, i dont know one single person who is sober and is a positive role model. everyone around me is either miserable or drunk, or stoned, etc. i have never had a hobby, nothing really interests me at all. i dont know anymore, would like to goto sleep and never wake up

another thing that keeps coming to mind, the government is slowly trying to get rid of mental health services. that could be the reason why there are no offices in my area that i can just go in and receive help. im sick of feeling trapped all the time with no way out. i dont know what to do about it, there are no FREE places that offer counseling, this city is a joke. someone mentioned that it was a good thing to post here or other forums. i am trying to see how it is good? all i am doing is venting my anger/depression and everything else. do i feel better after? no

Hey. As a woman I'd say we like a positive man. I promise you if think you deserve her, you can get her. And you know what else? They say beauty is only skin deep for a reason. There will always be someone more attractive . So don't think you're not good enough for anything.

I feel like a lot of people commenting have little understanding of your predicament. While I agree that beauty is not everything, many men and women have certain physical attributes they look for in a partner. Some women who say you shouldn't look for beauty want a guy who's rich, very muscular, 6'+, hung like a horse, etc. Not all people are this superficial of course, but a lot of men and women are. For people who don't have much trouble finding dates, they don't get how being either invisible or despised can turn into anger, resentment, and despair. I think guys with extreme social anxiety especially have it bad since that is often seen as unmasculine. To backtrack a bit, I want to say that some women that our society would deem beautiful are nasty people on the inside -- so nasty that it's worth being single until you meet a decent human being.

i know a few have said that in order to love someone i would need to love myself. now doesnt loving oneself mean they would have to be happy? i dont even know what happy is, 39 years of total misery and sadness. even as a child i was always getting screamed at for nothing, or left behind because i was not liked by my family. what does happiness even feel like? i only know of the chemical happiness i feel when i am drunk and stoned.

I did feel that angry not so long ago. I hated humans too. I sent horrible messages to people and I even daydreamed of killing people who upset me. I lost nearly everyone....still very alone but I'm so glad I stopped blaming everyone else. It's hard but you are the one who can get you out of this way of thinking and feeling and doing. For a start accept responsibility for where you are. Blaming God is a cop out...Then think what's not yet good and how can I make it better and have fun in the process?Scary as f**k but if the only other option is death maybe try to connect with others. Being on here helped me see the people in the real world as maybe not as bad as I thought....It gave me the courage to join martial arts. You also aren't as alone as you think. So many people feel the way you do and hide it like you probably have. Just know you're not alone. Hugs, P.s no one can pull everyone they fancy