Rey, you are not alone. I can’t feel emotion. I can’t cry, laugh, feel love, remorse or anything. I think it’s from being abused and not being able to express my feelings. As far as death, I think about it a lot, but I am not suicidal. It comes from when I did die and was resuscitated. I think I just want peace.

You are not dead inside. You emotions are blocked to protect you, it’s just figuring out why and how to find emotional/distress tolerance. Suicide is never an option. It just robs you of the possibility of recovery and A life worth living.

Do you have a therapist? Have you tried DBT? You might consider it.

Thank you for reaching out and sharing. I understand those numb feelings. I remember those days where I could go through the motions of life but inside I felt so deep and dark. It is the depression talking it is not who you are. Depression is a chemical imbalance that happens in our brain and we need help to get it back to being balanced. Have you talked to your doctor? Have you been to a therapist? Usually the right combination of medication and counseling is what helps us feel better from depression. It doesn't mean we won't spiral but you learn coping mechanisms when you do spiral. I have two strategies that have worked for me. For the anxiety I do a 557 breathing technique. I breathe in for 5 slow deep breaths and as I am breathing in I think of all the things I want in life and breathe them in with the breaths. Then I hold the breath for 7 seconds holding all those things in with the breaths, then I let out for the count 0f 5 the breaths along with letting go of the anxiety and other feelings and thoughts that are holding me back from feeling good. I do this sometimes in 3 cycles. It does bring me to a relaxed state if I stay focused on what I am doing and not letting other thoughts get in my way. As for the depression an activity that works for me is only saying put-ups and not put-downs. So when a negative thought comes my way I say no to the thought and replace it immediately with a positive one. Both of these take work, but the more I practiced them the more they became a part of my life and really helped with liking who I am and that I don't have to feel depressed or stay anxious. I used to think I was stuck, but through counseling, medication and these techniques, I have move forward in my life and barely ever spiral anymore. I will be praying for you. Feel free to pm me anytime if you want to chat. Hugs and God Bless

Wow, you're sure doing a lot of living for someone who says she feels dead inside. I see someone who can think and write and even feel, even if it's only "the darkness inside". This is a very good starting place to begin your journey toward the light, and someday, if you take care of yourself, and keep moving forward, you WILL get there.

It might not hurt to get a physical either, just to make sure you don't have some medical condition that is behind some of this. Just having a clean bill of health will be a relief, and if there's a problem, you will have a direction to take to fix it.

In the meantime, repression is a coping mechanism, so you're not being abnormal. It can help us get through rough patches, and you are so young, with a whole life ahead of you. Believe me, it might not seem like it now, but this is just a blip on the radar.

Take care of your physical health and your mind will improve. You don't have to become religious, but try volunteering a few hours a week at your local church or food bank. Join a Meetup group.

Find the will to kick yourself in the butt and accomplish something ( even a small thing ) every day, whether you feel like it or not. It's called self-discipline. It takes practice. It's part of fully maturing, and although we all have problems with it sometimes, I believe you have the potential to get very good at it, and it will open new opportunities for you.

Maybe consider taking some educational courses or an apprenticeship for something you're interested in doing. It might sound stupid, but salons take-on apprentices, and if you get good at it, you can make a lot more money than you imagine. There's a reason the book is called "The wealthy barber". Start saving now and look ahead to your future. it can be as bright as you want to make it.

Do not commit suicide, but focus on what you want out of life. You can make life a good experience. My family hate me, and people show dislike to me almost everyday. If you love yourself, believe in yourself and focus on achieving your goals in life, then life will be good no matter what happens. You first need to let the emotion go. Feelings are like balloons, the more you blow the balloon and not pop it the louder and more dangerous the pop and balloon will break, the balloon will be when it pops. Let the emotion go. God bless.

Are you feeling any better today? I have been praying for you. Hugs

If I could write my first post it would be word for word what you just said. Anxiety. Major depressive disorder. ADHD. And when it gets bad agoraphobia kicks in and I don’t leave my room let alone leave my house. I have suicidal ideation every day. I don’t think about actually milking myself but rather trading myself in a sense. Like give me the stage 4 cancer instead of the single parent of 3 kids getting cancer. Take me instead and let them live.

I feel dead inside. Like an emptiness I can ever fill. A numbness that opens at times and lets me fall deeper in the hole but doesn’t let me see a light.

I feel like a burden to everyone and more worthless everyday. I can’t work anymore. I find myself sitting here alone. Feeling nothing. And I want to know how you do feel something again.

I’m right there with you if you want to talk more