Vulnerable is a tough spot to be in when a user comes along,, but users can be any gender. Sorry you ran into one. When you're NOT really looking for a relationship is usually when something a little more enjoyable comes along. Take it easy and slow. Big HUGS

I understand what you must be feeling; used, and tossed aside and that feels like crap. But complex situations are not given justice when they are reduced to simple ideas such as "he left me therefore he must be a jerk."

Men are not as simple as many would make us out to be. Such as "all we want is sex and more sex" or "we just don't care about anybody else's feelings"....

I just want to offer an alternative scenario to you so that you can consider what might have happened from his point of view.

You both corresponded with one another, a level of trust and affection is built up between you both. You thought he was a sweet and understanding guy and I'm sure he thought you were wonderful in all ways. So, you decide to take it to the next level, intimacy.
This is where many people get simple minded about the inner life of men. Trust me when I say that many men (just like many women) are not ready for that intimate relationship even when the brain and various other parts of the body are aching for it. They are just not emotionally ready to commit, to be there, to accept the responsibility of what comes with a relationship that is multi-dimensional and deep.

Maybe the whole thing came on faster than he expected and didn't know how to pace it so that you wouldn't get hurt.
Believe me, when guys get together and talk, they don't take any pride in the pain they have caused to woman that they have had feelings for - on the contrary, the guilt runs pretty deep, but it is usually a case of things moving too fast, too soon.

Please don't jump the gun. Obviously this guy is not who you thought he was - but I would try to contact him and ask him flat out why he did what he did and that he hurt you badly and he needs to explain himself. If he answers and is honest, you may be surprised about what he has to say, and if he doesn't answer than you know all you need to know about this guy.

I think the only way to truly escape the trap of finding nothing but men who treat you wrong is to never let a man know you've been hurt so much in the past. I think some men will treat a women wrong if they believe they can, and knowing you have "let" other men hurt you is like telling them I don't care about myself enough to make a man treat me right.

I know that is not really the truth, because for a lot of women it is simply not taking the time to get to know a man before giving them the power to hurt them. I am guilty of that myself. It's not because I don't care about how I am treated or deserve to be treated right, it's because I follow my heart instead of giving my mind enough time to make a good decision. You can't always trust your heart.

oh my. fuck bitch women. if hes for the hunt, once he gets it, hes got nothing left to hunt for and will leave you... thats terrible advice. your only hurting yourself with that logic. but if you want NSA then sure, bitch it up.

Bingo chrysaster!

You nailed it :)

I am very sorry about this & I do believe this man used you for sex.

ANYONE has a minute to return a phone call or text. Even the President of the United States. The only excuse that I would buy is hurt or a death in the family. I guess he did return 1 text saying "he was busy." hmmmm....not to busy to sleep with you however.....

Going forward please separate your issues with men. Either they are friends only (no sex/intamacy) or friends with potential for an intimate relationship & if the latter, go very slowly sharing your heart.

Hugs

eh.

platonic friendship sucks.

i cant really see any guy doing that...

unless hes old, desperate, lame, or married.

*imagining every male with female plutonic friends trying to figure out which one of those he is*

Actually, platonic friends don't "suck" :)

jazz lol oh my

I agree with jeccles. Who knows? Maybe this guy has a very bad day or needs to gather his thoughts? If not, it's his LOSS.

I am so sorry you're going through this. Try your best to hang in, although I know it's far from easy. There are many users out there ... both guys and girls. I"ve been burnt by both.

Charming..I'm so sorry. I know this really sucks.

I think it's important to set boundaries in a relationship..Especially if you're vulnerable. Know what you want and how much you're willing to give. Let the relationship unfold slowly so you can both discover each other..that way there's always more to know..to come..

He may have and probably did initially really have good intentions and care about you but sometimes when a person gets too much of a good thing too quickly they've had their "fill" so to say...

Sometimes guys aren't very direct but I find they do usually give pretty clear signals. He knows your vulnerable and he slips out in the middle of the night after the first time you had sex and puts his text on "busy". I'd say that's pretty clear.

The thing is once a person knows they can use you they often will keep doing so. He may not be interested in you anymore relationship wise but if he thinks he can sleep with you again he may try. If it hurts now it will hurt doubly if he pulls the same crap again..

If you do end up talking with him again and you choose to keep him in your life in this regard I would put off sleeping together again. If he really does care about you he'll be ok with it.

(he probably does feel bad but noone wants to say after sleeping with someone I just want to be friends even if they do. It maybe better for you if he would just explain himself but for him he has to deal with feeling like an ass and also your response)

I agree with wv, maybe he is actually busy and will contact you later.....life has taught me never to think the worst of people and if he says hes busy then maybe he is.....from what you have said the guy seems like hes been really nice to you up until now so give him the benefit of the doubt. Dont go kicking off to him about being busy because he could be genuine and you could lose him honey....just my humble opinion and speaking from a mistake that i once made along the same lines as this. xx

Great comment Vet,

I made that comment at post 4 as it happens. Glad we agree!

It seems to me there are two groups discussing this. The ones who talk about sex and those that talk about relationships.

Decide what you want. If it's sex, as a woman, then it's easy to get but the choices may not suit you.

If it's a relationship then others have said it best already. You have to work on your health first so you are stable and able to cope with life. Then seek a partner. Our natusal instinct is to seek a partner and hope they make us feel better.

The truth there is they usually make us feel worse when we are recovering, unless you were in a relationship with them before the down.

All you do by grabbing the next person is add instability to insecurity, plus risk of infections, rejection and so it goes.

Do yourself a favour and focus on yourself. Forget about partners for a while. If there is a good man coming along you'll get together regardless. I've found that being friends first is a huge plus as you know who you are with.

There is some talk about platonic relationships sucking. That would mean everyone you don't screw sucks, right? Inclusing your family members as they do tend to be platonic in most places.

Most work relationships are platonic between men and women and they can be great friends without sex rearing it's ugly head every 5 seconds, so to speak.

Try it, you might find it's actually good for you to have a friend you don't want to screw.