Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Why

Alyblueeyes
Alyblueeyes

Why am i so messed up :(. My husband and I are fixing things and I don't know how to feel. I did the worst thing ever. (Please don't judge me). I cheated on my husband with my ex who raped me. :( what the hell is wrong with me. This guilt is so much. I mean he knows and we're working past if but I'm still terrified of my ex. What is wrong with me ;( 

KelleyPaterson
KelleyPaterson
Some people have a tendency to self sabotage themselves. Especially addicts & alcoholics. They are used to living in a state of chaos. And if things get too quiet they will create that chaos themselves. A person with borderline personality disorder will act in a similar fashion.

It could be a misguided attempt at trying to control the situation around you. I don’t know. But I have known people who have admitted to this in a AA meeting. My son was there and it was a revelation to him. He also does it.

If you really want to know why you act this way the best thing to do is get into therapy. Preferably with a psychiatrist if possible. They can help you understand yourself. I know it has helped me.
socalpoppy
socalpoppy
Oh, blue eyes, I'm sorry life is being so hard for you right now. I agree with Kelley above about therapy. I'm assuming you have older issues to work through, too. It can be so hard without help.
Community LeaderWanderingVet
WanderingVet
Sounds like you have a pretty decent husband. Reassure him that you SCREWED up big time and:

1. It will never happen again.
2. You now realize how much he cares for you and how forgiving he is.
3. You have NO interest in a relationship with ANYONE else.
4. You realize how hard it is to find someone like him.
5. If you could UNdo what has happened, you would.

Assure him of all this ... and mean it. Professional help ... by all means. I agree with Ms. Paterson.
SimpsonsOK
SimpsonsOK
Aly, only you can sort out why you allowed the abuser back. I did the same, because I wanted to believe he had changed and I would hear those magic words that he did me wrong and was sorry. My need and my delusion. You will figure out your why. You have gotten some great input here, especially from Vet. I would add #6, I am trying to sort out why I would do this to you and us. Comforting hugs.