Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
We will start with the fact that my mom has expected my daughter to spend all her time with her and my dad at their home, and away from me as much as she could. I took my daughter to the university where she will be living on Wed of last week, while I will miss her, thank God she is away from my parents.
So yesterday at work (I'm a social worker) a supervisor comes to me and says that I have to work Oncall at 2:30pm and that I have to go see a family at 8pm. Then my mom starts leaving messages on my phone that my dad had to go to a heart doctor for a stress test. I leave work at 3:30pm to be find out and be with my parents for a bit before I have to go back to work at 5pm. I start trying to call my mom back at 3 different phone numbers that she will not answer. I call my daughter at school to see if my mom will answer the phone for her. SHE DOES. I still don't hear from or speak to my mom until she finally comes to my house at 6:30pm. She says that "They" put my dad in the hospital because something is wrong with his lungs and that they have to run tests and that they are suppose to tell us what is wrong with him in the morning (today). She also said that she had to go to urgent care and has kidney stones.
I had to leave to go to work, but called her back and asked if she wanted me to go to the hospital and sit with dad or if she wanted me to come stay with her. She said not to do either, that she was going to bed.
I told my supervisor I was staying home, because I was expecting to be at the hospital or at Dr's offices with my dad and mom all day.
I call her this morning to ask her what room dad was in, she said he was gone to work and was not in the hospital. I said I thought we were suppose to find out what was wrong with him today. She said "oh well they're just going to call us and tell us when to come in so we can find out what it is." so then I ask her where she is at, and she is at work too.
I'm calling Bullshit, and I am very mad and angry and feel embarrassed to have a family that is so fucked up, and embarrassed that I believed all that shit she pulled last night.
So yesterday at work (I'm a social worker) a supervisor comes to me and says that I have to work Oncall at 2:30pm and that I have to go see a family at 8pm. Then my mom starts leaving messages on my phone that my dad had to go to a heart doctor for a stress test. I leave work at 3:30pm to be find out and be with my parents for a bit before I have to go back to work at 5pm. I start trying to call my mom back at 3 different phone numbers that she will not answer. I call my daughter at school to see if my mom will answer the phone for her. SHE DOES. I still don't hear from or speak to my mom until she finally comes to my house at 6:30pm. She says that "They" put my dad in the hospital because something is wrong with his lungs and that they have to run tests and that they are suppose to tell us what is wrong with him in the morning (today). She also said that she had to go to urgent care and has kidney stones.
I had to leave to go to work, but called her back and asked if she wanted me to go to the hospital and sit with dad or if she wanted me to come stay with her. She said not to do either, that she was going to bed.
I told my supervisor I was staying home, because I was expecting to be at the hospital or at Dr's offices with my dad and mom all day.
I call her this morning to ask her what room dad was in, she said he was gone to work and was not in the hospital. I said I thought we were suppose to find out what was wrong with him today. She said "oh well they're just going to call us and tell us when to come in so we can find out what it is." so then I ask her where she is at, and she is at work too.
I'm calling Bullshit, and I am very mad and angry and feel embarrassed to have a family that is so fucked up, and embarrassed that I believed all that shit she pulled last night.
Well thanks for the support, I'll make sure I show you the same.
It sounds like your relationship with your mom is toxic and manipulative on her part. I am sorry you have to deal with that. I would love to have some wisdom to impart but I don't. All I can say is that I empathize with you. Hang in there.
But people are now responding to your post!
I belong to a group for those of us dealing with aging parents. One thing many of us have in common is parents who are abusive. (I'm pretty lucky here, my MIL is a bit passive aggressive and my dad is, well, a work in progress but not a big issue just yet.) So one thing that we have all learned is to ...
SET LIMITS WITH CONSEQUENCES! And then enforce the consequences.
It sounds like your mother has a long history of being abusive to you, time to set some limits. For example, when she does this phone thing where she ignores you ignore her back! Tell her that when she 'declares an emergency' (such as dad being in the hospital) you expect her to return your calls. And as such you will no longer go out of your way to reach her.
It is important that the consequences be under your explicit control and that you be willing to impose them. The wording of your limits and the consequences really needs to be your own. I have found that short statements work wonders if you repeat them exactly the same each time. They try to negotiate with you by getting you to change your wording and then your stance.
Gentle hugs