I pray for my heart to stop beating every night before I fall asleep.
If God loved me He would have taken me to live with Him years ago.
But He refuses. I hate life so much. Hope things get better for you.

thanks for your reply heretic. I so often wonder about the whole "who is God" thing. I'm just tired of life, period, and I know I'm not alone in that feeling, I know it.

I hope things get better for you too.

Are you chronically ill? Have heart problems?

not sure. My heart has started doing some things that it has not done before. Alot of racing, skipping beats, making me feel like I'm going to throw up. Anyway there was a night about a month or so ago when I was trying to have a bowel movement and it felt like it just stopped beating, I fell onto the floor and my heart felt like it had stopped and I had a bowel movement in the floor and could not move for aabout 2 minutes. I could not breath good, so I have been seeing a cardiologist for it. It always seems to happen right before I fall asleep.

wow, whatever that is wrong I hope gets figured out ! I think its the suffering we want to end, not the life. if we were enjoying ourselves, we would obviously feel differently. I don't know if anyone has life figured out. Even people that have it good, I wonder, still, is that it? but I think that is it. which is more than enough for most, but I still feel bad for the injustice and pain and suffering. idk. I guess it's best to be selfish, self centered, and do everything you can to make your own life better, and let the shit fall where it will. I keep trying, but I;m too fair to others. but i'm working on it, really.

I hope they can figure that all out, sounds scary. I was wondering because I have days where I feel that way. (to many lately) what am I still here for? too many dr's and too many things wrong, beginning to feel a life stuck in 4 walls just seems empty.

I'm not there with ya yet with regards to my heart, but with regards to being sick of other people just using me, yep, I'm right there with ya, and know what you mean, whatswrong! Makes us want to move off to a log cabin somewhere and live out the rest of our lives in peace, with only the occasional bear of wolf to fend off, eh?

I am sorry to say I know to well how you feel ......I might as well speak the truth ...it doesent seam to be getting better ...I have been doing so little ...that I have become very out of shape ...and a good candidate for a heartatac ....and do you think that gets me up no .........I am still sitting around ....weating for the end to come ......but this is the strange part .........I have finaly decided I want to be here ....I don't want to go just yet ....and even the knolage of that can't get me up and moving ........and I want to be here ......so I think it is the depreshions fault ...what do you think ....I think we just need to keep fighting it ...and find all the help we can ...all the support we can ....because let's face it we can't fight it alone ........well I cant .......I am going to put you into my prayers ....and you can think what ever you want about that ...but that is what I am going to do from now on ...keep you in my prayers .........you take care of your self ...be good to your self ....one day at a time .........God bless