I have hidden much when I was working. I had a job that simply made it impossible to share very personal aspects of life. Everything was kept strictly casual and fun.

I always was able to share most things with my family and when I suffered from depression they were a really big help.

You have your boyfriend that understands and shares with you and that is really terrific.

Does your family know of your depression and are you under a doctors care? If you hide your depression from your family they will not be able to understand very much of the related behavior and will not be able to give you the support you need. Is there a reason you are hiding your depression from them?

I am glad you have your boyfriend to give you understanding and support.

((hugs)) Patricia

hugs back to you patriciann :) :)

I just reconnected with my family. A part of the reason why I have difficulties sharing is because my dad caused some of my pain. Its easier to act like i am happy around my parents then to tell my dad to fuck off. but thats a whole diff subject. my mom suffers from depression and knows i was going to a dr for it but she doesn't have a clue to how bad it gets. Its like when i try talking to her or trying she changes the subject like she did before when i came to her about things my dad had done to me so its a sticky situation. I just get sick of being at there house for dinner or for a visit and my dad lecturing me on why do i keep the car a mess and how come i sleep so much and whats wrong me..... it makes it hard to talk to someone like that

i know i just laid that all on u, sorry its just lately these thoughts have been haunting me

This is the place to 'lay it all on' us. I am glad you posted.

I am just going to tell you my personal attitude toward your questions. I have expressed it before .. and others do not agree .. but here is my 'take' on it.

Depression makes it almost impossible for the DEPRESSED to overcome. If it is hard on the depressed, think how impossible it is for friends and family of the depressed. Depression is such a 'personal disease', only the depressed person can relate to it.

Friends, family .. other people DO NOT understand someone's depression ... uh .. correction .. some MAY understand it, but are no more capable of doing something about YOURS than they are doing something about THEIRS .. if they have it.

Interesting thing I have noticed .. people who love depressed people DO NOT WANT THEM TO BE DEPRESSED. They love us, and hate seeing us suffer. In fact .. they will get SO frustrated, they will say 'Snap out of it', "Things are only as bad as you see them to be", "You have to look at the bright side" and all kinds of idiotic statemtents ... why? Because they don't know what ELSE to say .. even if they are depressed too. If friends/family had the cure for depression, there would be no depression.

I don't mean to simplify it, but it is like having a splinter in your finger. You tell 1,000 people you have a splinter in your finger. NOT ONE OF THEM can do ANYTHING about it because until you remove the splinter or HAVE IT removed .. it is there. A MILLION people cannot help you HAVE a splinter in your finger. IF .. for ANY REASON, they cannot remove it for you .. there is nothing they can do .. and when you 'give someone' something 'bad' that they can't do anything about .. problems arise.

Your friends and family cannot remove your depression. Telling them about it (frequently or not) gives them a concern they cannot resolve. They are concerned about you .. INDEED, but there is nothing they can (really) do. The result is HUGE discomfort for them. It is painful to them to hear or see your unhappiness. They love you and don't want to see something you (frequently) show (or tell) them. The result, in 99% of the cases, is what you are getting from them ... denial, avoidance, frustration, possibly even anger, and/or deflection.

Sooooo, what I figured out FOR ME .. a long time ago .. is that my depression is mine ... it only belongs to me and I have to overcome it. I can't be 'giving' any of it to anyone else .. they can't handle it, don't know what to do with it, and can't fix it.

Soooo, yes .. I smile, I put on some optimism, I try to be productive, and I keep my suffering to myself. What I noticed is .. since I quit 'splashing it' on other people .. it sort of got better by itself. It works like "I feel sad. I will let people know so they will feel sad (for me) too. Then .. we can all be sad together" versus "I feel sad, but I am not going to splash it on others. I am not going to offer them sadness." And what happens is .. their sensing happiness from me (even if I am hiding sadness) causes or KEEPS them 'happy' WHICH SPLASHES BACK ON ME!

Does that make sense? If you arrive sad at a bustling party, one of two things can happen. YOU can bring the whole party down with YOUR sadness or the happiness within the party brings you UP from your sadness. My 'strategy' works the latter .. for me.

I hope I have made some sense. I hope it is helpful to you. If not, perhaps another reply will.

Good luck to you. I think he who acts happy is more likely to feel happy.

thanks for your response wandering vet :).

I do understand what you are saying. but in another sense its hard to fake happiness at times but then again it does feel easier to do that then to tell people who might not understand. It;s just rough because even though i force myself to hang out with friends there are times where i just don't have it in me to go out and if i told them the real reason they may not understand. Idk. In a way I feel by holding back that it may not be good if i ever needed their help but then again their response may not be good

>>its hard to fake happiness

There is nothing 'easy' about depression. It is a matter of what works best.

Good luck to you. I hope you find what is best for you very soon.

You said, my mom suffers from depression and knows i was going to a dr for it but she doesn't have a clue to how bad it gets. Its like when i try talking to her or trying she changes the subject like she did before when i came to her about things my dad had done to me so its a sticky situation. If this abuse that happened to you where your mother is in denial you may need her to go with you to family therapy to work through this situation. If there has been abuse this is very critical and could be a factor in your depression and possibly even your mothers.

You said, I just get sick of being at there house for dinner or for a visit and my dad lecturing me on why do i keep the car a mess and how come i sleep so much and whats wrong me..... it makes it hard to talk to someone like that Was there abuse from your father? If there was this could be at the core of all the other issues you are trying to work through?

You said, i know i just laid that all on u, sorry its just lately these thoughts have been haunting me It is good you are reaching out for support and if you were abused by your father you need professional help to fully heal from this trauma or it will continue to cause problems for you.

Be gentle with yourself as you work at finding answers.

((hugs)) Patricia

hugs to both of you. well i just thought about things and think my dad could be a part of this big time but for years i could never talk about things. my mom left my dad for a brief period last year and i saw an opening to talk to her and we went to a couple of family counseling session and then she let my dad move in with her and told me if i didn't want him in my life to get the fuck out. so i did. It was months before i talked to her again. I am going to try talk therapy because i was just going somewhere they just gave meds and i really need someone just to spend the time with me but i am also in the process of moving because the place i am renting went into foreclosure so i gotta do this asap. I want to find a dr to go to that is close to where i move to cuz right now i am an hour away from work so i am trying to move closer and i would also want to find a dr closer but i do have medical insurance so that will help me.

>>my dad could be a part of this big time

I sensed the same thing.

I've tried openly discussing my depression/sucidial thoughts but, sadly I am not the only person in my family to be depressed/sucidial so my voice always gets drowned out by everyone else. I tell myself that I can handle it that I don't need anyone but the truth is I'm lonely and scared sometimes of what I might do. My Dog is the only one who understands he has purposefully sat on my lap when I was about to take a whole bunch of pills and wouldn't stop barking/howling.

I don't hate my family/friends for not being there for me when I need them. I understand they have their own issues some more serious than me.

I would say keep looking on the bright side... because even the night has the moon to illuminate the darkness.

If you would like to be friends, I don't judge. I'm on fairly reguarly too.

Good luck

Oh my, you are coping with so very much all at one time. Moving alone is stressful enough and here you are moving because where you live is going through foreclosure.

Just sharing and being cared for can help us just to not feel we are trying to carry it all alone.

I hope you very soon find a place closer to work that is also close to a very good doctor and needed therapy so you can work at coping and healing.

We need our families to be supportive and here you have so much pain from yours.

I'm just so glad you are reaching out as you work through this.

Be gentle with yourself.

((hugs))
Patricia

agreed with Patricia... she is so smart...
good luck hon.... and yes, you need to deal with the abuse from your father.. to bad your mother turned her head on it.... so did mine and she still does.............. but I live with it and try to understand it.. I will never understand it but I try...
hugs and blessings

thank u again for the support. i really need it to help get me through

Keep reaching out for needed support and as you do the healing will come.

I know as I learn to cope with my depression and related causes the support here has been a true life saver.

((hugs))
Patricia