that's just the way kids are. i can admit now that i treated my mom horrible when i was a teenager. and she can now admit, that as a result, she wasn't too fond of me at the time. there were so many factors...hormones, boys, parties, secrets....what an age...

Wow, i am so sorry you have to go through this, they will understand in time that you aren't to blame and will realize what a gift you are to them. I know this is incredibly difficult but try not to take it personally, kids are almost always gonna put their feelings above anyone elses and it doesnt mean your feelings are any less valid, it just means they havent grown up enough to understand how their actions affect the ones they love.

hugs and more hugs

i am so sorry i wish i could give you the answer to make it all right. All i can say is that you all need to talk, maybe your girls could benefit from counselling to talk about their grief .

hugs

With what you have all been through and I am supposing they are teens, they are handling grief in their own way.
Have you thought about family therapy?
You need some support, do you have other family you can talk to?
I think you need to write to each of your daughters telling them exactly how you feel and ask for their response.

How old are your children? It is natural for kids to rebel against their parents in the teen/pre teen years. You also have the added burden of them losing their father recently.

Perhaps if you can give us some more background, those who have similar experiences can offer some support!

Hugs

Brave Kim it is really hard raising kids when they become terrible teens, we've heard of terrible twos, yeah right the terrible comes generally between 11 and 14. My daughter started all that awful stuff at 11. It must easier for moms who also were rebellious and drinking, drugging and having teen sex. I had no idea what to do because I had never rebelled and never got into that stuff. My mom still tells people, Sherry was always such a good girl, never acted like the other teenagers. lol I know I must have been weird. Anyhow, I do wish they would communicate with you and stop causing you so much pain. I agree with trying family counseling because of the death of their dad. I hope things get better for you and your daughters. Take care.

Sherry

I am sorry about your pain and hard time. It really sounds like you need to seek counseling for the whole family. That is really alot for children to deal with. A father that has passed away even though he is gone they still need to deal with the alcohol abuse and you have depression so that is quite a bit to deal with plus regular teen stuff. Dont take it personal they just have a lot of feelings that they probably dont know what to do with. This is the time to seek help not only for them but for you as well!!Bless you in your time of need!

Are the kids teens or preteens? Mine went threw this age seemingly hating me. It was hard but we made it through. Just let them know that you love them regardless and they will come threw this with time.

hi brave, i'm going though something similiar and it's the most painful thing i've felt, ever.

i can sympathize, when you don't seethem, they are not there to call you names or tell you what a bad mother you are, or how you ruined their lives. and then expect top treatment from you, although they constantly berate you. mine make me feel less than human

i've had to fight back, although i was close to giving up, just letting their father have them until they came around. but then there's a chance you may lose them.

if you want, read my journals, i think you'll see how similiar our situations are. hang in there sweetie. it's really hard, but just know in your heart that you're a good mom and that they are just mean at this age.

i reached a poiont where i was physically attacking them, becuase they infuritated me so, i threw someting at my daughter. but, then they have ammunition that i was a lousy mom, it's really hard.

i had to work on myu own reactions. i still do, i get a pit in my stomach when i have to pick them up. i prepare for the worst and sometimes it's not bad, others , worse than i expceted! take care Kim. write back if you want, ok? i'm here for you as a fellow-mom.

i have a question, are they in counseling? you are an easy target for their anger.

it is really hard to deal with. there is no easy answer, but you have the strength to deal with it. you have to kind to yourself, cause if you feel depressed it's even worse.

i feel for you, i really do. it's true that there are terrible 2's, but if you have a non-nuclear family it adds to the stress, so you already have a strike against you.

the rejection hurts so bad, the good thing that you have though, is that the kids are always with you. with mine, they have the option ofgoing to t heir fathers. you should, work on having your own friends and interests. you need to do this to keep strong, because otherwise you're at the full mercy of them. and the truth is, they want to make you feel like shit.

mine do, and have succeeded, i'm getting stronger everyday though, even if i backslide, i can't let myself feel like that.

it's like, bam! all at once , they turn on you. back stabbers.

Been there Brave - have 2 girls myself who WERE BRATS!

Notice I said "were"......

They are adult children now & nice most of the time.

Hugs

Brave,
My first husband and the father of my two children died while they were young, he also died from alcohlism at 39. My daughter was 15 and my son was 12. The pain thats my children and the reality that I could not make thier pain go away like a mother should be able too. The hurt that they are feeling is being directed onto you even if thye have no clue they are doing it. My daughter went through a tough time But through love and the school helping me with counsoling she has turned into a fine young lady. ... My son is 20 and he went to opposite .... I was so wrapped up in trying to make THEM happy that I let him do things that he should never have gotten away with .... I didnt want to upset the apple cart so to speak... he never did counseling he flat out refused .. and to this day I have struggled with him to get on some kind of positive path to no avial.... I wouls suggest family counseling for you all....Becuase in a situation like this getting one person to see the light is not enough if the other two are still in the dark
My prayers to you

1.Its time to be a little regimental.
2.Their rooms are their space it needs to be respected.
3.Dinner time is the same time every night you will be there
4.No snacking meal time is just that.
5.Attitude will not be tollerated at the table you will be asked to leave
6.Dont like rule 5 refer to rule 4
7. This is your house which equals your rules
7.The door swings one way once out you are out.
These are basics...if anyone wishes to add feel free.
Expect some resistance but a hungry stomach is a great persuader and motivational tool.

You've gotten a lot of great replies.

All I can add is that my daughter was simply horrible from 11-17. She really *did* hate me at times. She is 19 now and we are surprisingly good friends -- most of the time. There really is hope.

I have two daughters. Proud, independent, distant women. they are 22 and 26 now. Mom left us when they were 11 and 15. Alcohol, and a "more fun man". Why I am even alive is a testimony to the grace of God. My daughters became good citizens, in spite of the fact that they would not piss on me if I was on fire. I know what it is to hurt in the way you are describing. Kids are the most opinionated, sanctimonious, judgemental, unfair creatures in creation!!!

That is their job. My job is to be me. I love them, and if they want to love me, here i am. But I love myself too much to grieve over someone else's wrong headedness.

Honor to Brave Kim. No way I cannot support you in this. Pain has no gender, you see. I have felt this pain, and survived it. you will too. Keep coming back.