Over the last few months, I've been noticing a change. On october 31, I had my first thoughts. I said to myself, "Im going to kill myself tonight." Keep in mind that at the time I WAS 10 YEARS OLD. On that day, a girl called me, who I had given my number earlier that day. She said "Did Lyric still cancel?" And she offered to take me trick or treating. But as time went on, things chaanged. I developed a crush on the girl, and the first time I told her over the phone it was really akward. But time kept moving, and she was at my birthday party, and I had started calling her my "Best friend". She was also my "Only friend". People began starting rumors about us, taunting, laughing, we had no friends besdies each other. We tried to hang out witht the "Cool girls" But they pushed us away, technically speaking.my depression came back. Then, she came out to me. I had already new she was gay, as she had told me befor, but she said to me, in a whisper, while I was sitting next to her on our couch-bed in the basement, "I'm nonbinary too." Of course I still loved them, and no matter what they would stay my friend. I started hanging out with a girl who was on my bus, who was the only person i would sit with. since my other friend was in a differnt class, and the girl on the bus was in mine, it was nice to have some friends. I was in a group of friends which consisted of the girl and her latina best friend, a korean/african american guy, a veitnamese guy, and me, the pasty white irish kid with the purple hair. So yeah, we stood out. but my depression whent away fro a while. we where all the kids that didnt fit in anywhere else. But five turned into three, after the girls best friend had moved away, and the veitnamese guy had become friends with other people. After a while, my best friend told me that they where a he, and that he really, really liked me and he wanted to be my boyfriend. Of course I said yes, and I told the girl from my bus. One best friend became two best friends as friend groups changed. After time, I noticed my depression coming back, and I told my best friend while we where on the bus that i was suicidal. she hugged me until i stopped crying. during spring, i noticed that I liked her too. during that time, i noticed my boyfriend contantly picking on me, and teasing me. I knew he thought it was funy but i didnt. I had an anxiety attack on the spot and broke up with him. He got super mad but hid it behind "Okay" I spent time alone or with the girl on my bus. wont go into details of the fight. eventully i told my bst friend that i liked someone and she questioned me until i said her name. later she texted me that sh liked me back. a few days later, i played a word game that spelled out "Will you be mine?" (It was hangman lol) and she said yes. I also asked the boy out and told evryone i was polyamorouse. yey. But eve though im happy, Ive been hearing voices, having halucintions, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, suicidal thoughts, cutting, anf so muh more. yes ive told a therapost, my mom, my sister, and my partners. but i dont know what to do. help!