Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
This kept me up last night, so here we go again...ugh, I wish I knew how to handle (expletive deleted) like this myself.
So, my newly married sister and her husband came by the other night for dinner, just a week removed from their honeymoon at Disney World. They had some 300 photos from their trip and we got to see all of them and a couple of videos they shot of rides they'd taken. They had a great time.
I do not have a problem with the showing of the photos and videos because most people want to do that. My problem is what it's done to me inside.
It's pretty clear that their trip to Disney World is giving them happy memories that they're going to cherish for a long time. I'm looking at myself in the mirror...and realizing I have nothing like that. The memories that ought to be happy for me have been marginalized so badly by a pessimistic train of thought that I'm having trouble changing...and it has gotten so bad that the happy has been sucked out of them forever. They have become occasional talking points and nothing more.
This realization, of course, is not helping my mood...in fact it's actually hurting it really bad because it's just another discovery of how little I feel is actually good in my life, and even gets lost very often. It's pretty clear I need to build a "bank" of even marginally happy memories, but I just don't know how to do that and how to ensure they don't get marginalized to figurative rubble.
(Yes, I acknowledge that with most of the few posts I've made the tone hasn't been the best, but this is how bad my depression is and I'm really getting sick of it).
So...I guess if someone has a creative idea or two they think might help with this, my ears are obviously open.
So, my newly married sister and her husband came by the other night for dinner, just a week removed from their honeymoon at Disney World. They had some 300 photos from their trip and we got to see all of them and a couple of videos they shot of rides they'd taken. They had a great time.
I do not have a problem with the showing of the photos and videos because most people want to do that. My problem is what it's done to me inside.
It's pretty clear that their trip to Disney World is giving them happy memories that they're going to cherish for a long time. I'm looking at myself in the mirror...and realizing I have nothing like that. The memories that ought to be happy for me have been marginalized so badly by a pessimistic train of thought that I'm having trouble changing...and it has gotten so bad that the happy has been sucked out of them forever. They have become occasional talking points and nothing more.
This realization, of course, is not helping my mood...in fact it's actually hurting it really bad because it's just another discovery of how little I feel is actually good in my life, and even gets lost very often. It's pretty clear I need to build a "bank" of even marginally happy memories, but I just don't know how to do that and how to ensure they don't get marginalized to figurative rubble.
(Yes, I acknowledge that with most of the few posts I've made the tone hasn't been the best, but this is how bad my depression is and I'm really getting sick of it).
So...I guess if someone has a creative idea or two they think might help with this, my ears are obviously open.
These days, it's more important than ever for me to keep my head in a fairly good place. I have to practice mindfulness---the willingness to concentrate on the postives, and to keep them close to me---and leave the negatives to float back out into the universe, back to the Dark Hole that they come from.
It is a conscious and purposeful effort to do this on my part. It's like meditating---it takes practice, and it gets easier with time.
It takes focus, and it takes a lot of telling yourself that you are worth having some carefree moments. It does all boil back down to your own worthiness, and what you feel you truly deserve.
Like chloe explained, the good is so often mixed with the bittersweet, and the outright bad. I do pick-and-choose memories to hang on to. Those are the ones that get stronger with time.
And thankfully, as my depression has lightened markedly, so many good memories have been flooding back to me. Like, the GOOD things about our home life as kids---all the stuff I learned from my first marriage---and the happier moments I spent with the one big love in my life.
I practice the same thing in my present day circumstances, too---not letting whatever bad stuff that comes along completely interfere with any good that might also be right in front of me.
My attitude is, I've lost ENOUGH time to this wretched disease. I'll be damned if it's going to take one more big chunk out of me!
This all reminds me of something I heard or read here, once: it was about whether to feed the wolf, or starve it. Like most analogies, it's not perfect. But you get the idea.
Do not feed the wolf.
Heretic, I'm sorry you're in my boat too...I'll make sure you get huggles from me.
Get an album where you can enter your happy memories so you can hand on to them or at least a mental album where you can remember the good things that had ever happened to you.
if you don't have any good memories then do things to others that might help them some how and at the same time they are happy because you help them. You can then hand on to this new memories.
About your family I hope you feel happy for them but I personally don't like to share things that might hurt others in my family. example if I go some like vacations I down play the experience or don't say anything. I don't know how that family member is doing at that moment in his/her life and if I share with them I might hurt them cause they can not do what I am doing.
cheers