Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
i dunno...
a lot of times i dream big - i wanna do big things. i wanna change the world. i wanna climb the political ladder and rise to the top and be somebody.
other times i just want to have a normal job and a normal family and a normal life.
i feel like, because i dream big and i tell people those dreams, they expect big things . so what if i change my mind? what if i never do anything significant? will i be a disappointment? a failure?
sometimes i think about the future and i see a notable career full of big achievements. and i want that.
sometimes i think about the future and i see a regular job in a regular place doing regular things and a husband and kids. and i want that.
sometimes i think about the future and i see a 30 year old woman, a 40 year old woman, a 50 year old woman... who is disappointed in herself because she...
...gave up the potential for an amazing career to live a normal life
...gave up the possibility of having a family and a normal life to have an amazing career with an empty life.
sometimes i think about the future and i don't even want it to unfold because i am afraid that whatever choice i make i will regret it.
sometimes i just want to fuck off to mexico and start a new life where no one expects anything from me including myself.. just scrape by and wait it out til the end comes.
i dunno what i'm really feeling right now.. but i do know i don't likeit..
a lot of times i dream big - i wanna do big things. i wanna change the world. i wanna climb the political ladder and rise to the top and be somebody.
other times i just want to have a normal job and a normal family and a normal life.
i feel like, because i dream big and i tell people those dreams, they expect big things . so what if i change my mind? what if i never do anything significant? will i be a disappointment? a failure?
sometimes i think about the future and i see a notable career full of big achievements. and i want that.
sometimes i think about the future and i see a regular job in a regular place doing regular things and a husband and kids. and i want that.
sometimes i think about the future and i see a 30 year old woman, a 40 year old woman, a 50 year old woman... who is disappointed in herself because she...
...gave up the potential for an amazing career to live a normal life
...gave up the possibility of having a family and a normal life to have an amazing career with an empty life.
sometimes i think about the future and i don't even want it to unfold because i am afraid that whatever choice i make i will regret it.
sometimes i just want to fuck off to mexico and start a new life where no one expects anything from me including myself.. just scrape by and wait it out til the end comes.
i dunno what i'm really feeling right now.. but i do know i don't likeit..
You are in school and doing something with your life right now...
You are still young and have much time to be anything you want to be...
You can see the future and see a few different things happening, but also know that the depression is probably what is making you see the negative aspect of it.
We have all wanted to just run away and start over again. That is normal for anyone I believe, even people who seemingly have their whole life "together".
Life IS all about choice...but...the fact is that we don't make bad choices 100% of the time. Know that you WILL make bad choices, we all do, but you will also make very wise choices and for you to be able to sit and reflect like this will probably be a plus for you in the end because you will think before you make a choice.
{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}
I just started graduate school at 29 years old. Everyone else is 22 or 23. During interviews, people asked me what interested me. Other students had very specific answers about working with such-and-such receptor in this or that model systems under who knows what conditions.
Me? I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I care *SO MUCH* about issues that part of me really wants to get involved in politics. But that kind of life is really draining; I did some community organization before, and it takes a lot out of you. Am I strong enough for that? Do I have the right people skills? Well, I will be in school for five or six more years, so I have time to decide.
The moral of the story: Don't worry too much about decisions that you don't have to make yet. :-)
P.S. I also want to travel, learn six or seven languages, write a book on philosophy, a semi-autobiographical novel, a musical, a concerto . . . but there's still time for all that.