I look back on my life and it has been so full of strife and angst and struggle.  I crave peace.  Quiet.  Comfort.  When i wake up in the morning and think about what i have ahead for the day my stomach ties in knots.  i would say that every morning i think of suicide as just a way to calm down.  i am laying there with extreme anxiety and dread and can't calm down and the only thng that does it is to think of ending my life and the peace that might bring and as soon as i think about it my whole body just relaxes and this feeling of peace just washes over me.  and then i get up and start on the day.  i don't usually feel this way at night but every morning i do.  i don't believe in suicide and i don't plan to do it but the thought of it is like a calming drug to me.  does anyone else have this?  it's too bad that life has to be so brutal for some of us.  I wish i truly believed in some other way out or something rang that true for me that it also calmed me but it doesn't.  i can relax when i am unconscious too, at night.  but as soon as i wake up, ouch.