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Well this post is deeply personal for me. This is what I was trying to talk to my mother about earlier and became frustrated when she did not hear me out.
My daughter has a nose blessed to her by Germans and Hungarians. I think it's beautiful and gives her looks personality. There have been some kids who have been cruel to her, and has led her to scrub her nose against a counter until we thought she had broken it and had to seek medical care. That was 2 years ago, right before school started. The doctor at that time told her she was beautiful, but looked at me and said we might want to discuss plastic surgery if she was going to focus so much attention to this small thing, (size and shape of her nose) and decide together. I was absolutely against it at that point and somewhat pissed at the doctor for even suggesting it. I felt that we must except ourselves for who and what we are.
Then after thinking about it, yes I got her braces, so that changed/improved her looks, and it was so she could go through life without feeling unattractive due to her teeth.
Well this year she is excelling in drama, like really well, to the point that she is getting attention from universities who are trying to get her to come to their schools. I didn't know the extent of the attention she is drawing until I went on a college tour at a huge university in our state. Three professors knew her already and all the attention was focused on her throughout the tour while other students were being largely ignored.
So as a result some nasty little bastard boys made some horrible comments about her looks, so horrible I refuse to post them, Little pinky pecker fuckers. Well I won't get into that, but anyway conversation with my mom was considering a nose job IF my daughter wanted it, and this would have to be something she would come to me and initiate the conversation for. My mom was just "OH NO NO NO" without hearing a word I had to say about my daughter's future, her career, how I would want something like her nose to hold her back, whether it was in her mind or in someone else's. I agree with my mom more than I disagree, but I just got mad that she would not even listen to me and just cut me off.
My daughter has a nose blessed to her by Germans and Hungarians. I think it's beautiful and gives her looks personality. There have been some kids who have been cruel to her, and has led her to scrub her nose against a counter until we thought she had broken it and had to seek medical care. That was 2 years ago, right before school started. The doctor at that time told her she was beautiful, but looked at me and said we might want to discuss plastic surgery if she was going to focus so much attention to this small thing, (size and shape of her nose) and decide together. I was absolutely against it at that point and somewhat pissed at the doctor for even suggesting it. I felt that we must except ourselves for who and what we are.
Then after thinking about it, yes I got her braces, so that changed/improved her looks, and it was so she could go through life without feeling unattractive due to her teeth.
Well this year she is excelling in drama, like really well, to the point that she is getting attention from universities who are trying to get her to come to their schools. I didn't know the extent of the attention she is drawing until I went on a college tour at a huge university in our state. Three professors knew her already and all the attention was focused on her throughout the tour while other students were being largely ignored.
So as a result some nasty little bastard boys made some horrible comments about her looks, so horrible I refuse to post them, Little pinky pecker fuckers. Well I won't get into that, but anyway conversation with my mom was considering a nose job IF my daughter wanted it, and this would have to be something she would come to me and initiate the conversation for. My mom was just "OH NO NO NO" without hearing a word I had to say about my daughter's future, her career, how I would want something like her nose to hold her back, whether it was in her mind or in someone else's. I agree with my mom more than I disagree, but I just got mad that she would not even listen to me and just cut me off.
Just ask Jennifer Grey!
She had a nose job, in her case none of us could tell the before/after difference. But we told her she looked wonderful. Point is that I agree with you that it is her self image that matters. It could be negligible or it could make a huge impact on her career.
As for the boys who trash talked her, I'm sorry that people are like that, but your daughter is going to have to get used to things like that. After all when it comes to casting calls she may get rejected for things that are totally outside her ability to control. (for example, too tall for one role, to short for another role). She needs to find self generates satisfaction from the skills she has, not the respect she gets or does not get from her peers.
I do not have grand children, but I do have a grand niece and a grand nephew. I see the job as being much the same, being a HUGE cheerleader for them as they go out and join the world.
The loss is your mom's since I am rather sure that your daughter has a pretty good read on her grandmother.
Hugs
I don't think I'm even going to consider it, youre right about not changing her nose. Her nose is fine. It's not a baby's nose, no, it's a woman's nose.
It's all a bunch of emptiness anyway. Who knows, maybe it will make her greater to keep it the way it is.
The fact that a couple of little jerks can stick their nose in something that is absolutely none of their business -- anyone thinking she can just ignore them ... in groups, once any kind of bashing starts, it gets intense and intolerable, quickly. They are not concerned about consequences, because often, there aren't any.
Her tormentors absolutely should be punished. The people in charge at her school need to know what has been going on and for how long.
Your mother probably feels the same way you felt when the doctor
first made the suggestion. He was concerned about the self-injury, her state-of-mind. He would have probably had different comments if you had gone in, and said that your daughter was being ridiculed by boys, and was thinking about getting her nose surgically altered.
It is so unreasonable that no one has made them stop. They have gotten into her mind. It isn't the same as if she had a problem with her appearance - it's about peer pressure.