Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I'm just useless. I have a B.A and a teacher credential that aren't worth the paper on which they're printed. It's almost a decade since I received them, yet here I am going nowhere. I long ago stopped applying for teaching positions for two reasons. First, if I couldn't get one in the first few years when I was more "enthusiastic" and was able to give what I thought were good interviews, I don't think I'll be able to get one 8 years later. Second, if I, by some earth shattering miracle, did get a teaching position, I wouldn't be able to teach since I wouldn't have the students' respect due to my appearance and speech impediment. When I was student teaching, I was only able to control the class due to the presence of my master teacher and the possible consequences of what might happen when s/he returned to the class. Even the substitute teachers had more control that I did.
The only job I had since graduating 10 years ago was personal assistant, which turned into the job from hell. It's been almost 2 years since I quit and I've applied for jobs from warehouse work to custodian without any phone calls. I can imagine why, "Hey, I wonder why he hasn't been teaching?" "How can a person only have a job 3 out of 10 years, something must be wrong?" "He hasn't worked in 2 years, I wonder why?" etc. I can't even get one job, yet I see people, such as my father before he retired, get jobs what seems to be easily and sometimes in completely unrelated fields. I honestly can't even begin to understand how they do it.
So, I lie in my bed and just watch the tv. Whatever "enthusiasm" I once was able to fake is no longer there. Where at my age, my father had a good job, was married and was buying our family's second home (which would see extensive remodeling in the future), would later buy his parents' their first home and owned two vehicles. As for me, I'm lucky if I can scrap enough change for a slurpee and a six pack of Pepsi. Any savings I have will be gone by January and I'll likely go into default for my student loans.
Then again, I never finish anything I start. If you want mediocrity, I'm your man. I'm not going to set your company on the road to success or inspire students (The only two teachers and professor I respected didn't, but treated me as a person), I just want to be less stressed about one thing. That's all I am, a cog that can be easily replaced, especially since I screw up a lot. Anything I might have done could easily have done by someone else and done better. I couldn't sell life jackets to people on a sinking ship. I look online and keep reading about how God has a plan. At what point does this plan kick in as I ram my wreck of a life from one collision into another, ruining others as I go along the way? If someone is going to relpy with God loves me, you haven't read my profile which shows that I'm impervious to positive emotional appeals. I wouldn't recognize emotional love or luv if it hit me with a 2x4, stomped me into the ground, pulled out a Glock and empty the magazine into me.
Oh, stop wallowing in your self-pity, I'm told. OK, tell me again why you're divorced and everyone at work hates you again, I say.
I'm just useless. Unless someone comes along the way and tries to help me to make themselves feel good and then toss me aside when they're done. My family and the world neither need me nor will they miss me if I were gone. I'm a coward and just want the joke to end. Instead, I'm just dragged along into the future despite my protests and clawing to avoid pain and disappointment. Let this tragedy end.
The only job I had since graduating 10 years ago was personal assistant, which turned into the job from hell. It's been almost 2 years since I quit and I've applied for jobs from warehouse work to custodian without any phone calls. I can imagine why, "Hey, I wonder why he hasn't been teaching?" "How can a person only have a job 3 out of 10 years, something must be wrong?" "He hasn't worked in 2 years, I wonder why?" etc. I can't even get one job, yet I see people, such as my father before he retired, get jobs what seems to be easily and sometimes in completely unrelated fields. I honestly can't even begin to understand how they do it.
So, I lie in my bed and just watch the tv. Whatever "enthusiasm" I once was able to fake is no longer there. Where at my age, my father had a good job, was married and was buying our family's second home (which would see extensive remodeling in the future), would later buy his parents' their first home and owned two vehicles. As for me, I'm lucky if I can scrap enough change for a slurpee and a six pack of Pepsi. Any savings I have will be gone by January and I'll likely go into default for my student loans.
Then again, I never finish anything I start. If you want mediocrity, I'm your man. I'm not going to set your company on the road to success or inspire students (The only two teachers and professor I respected didn't, but treated me as a person), I just want to be less stressed about one thing. That's all I am, a cog that can be easily replaced, especially since I screw up a lot. Anything I might have done could easily have done by someone else and done better. I couldn't sell life jackets to people on a sinking ship. I look online and keep reading about how God has a plan. At what point does this plan kick in as I ram my wreck of a life from one collision into another, ruining others as I go along the way? If someone is going to relpy with God loves me, you haven't read my profile which shows that I'm impervious to positive emotional appeals. I wouldn't recognize emotional love or luv if it hit me with a 2x4, stomped me into the ground, pulled out a Glock and empty the magazine into me.
Oh, stop wallowing in your self-pity, I'm told. OK, tell me again why you're divorced and everyone at work hates you again, I say.
I'm just useless. Unless someone comes along the way and tries to help me to make themselves feel good and then toss me aside when they're done. My family and the world neither need me nor will they miss me if I were gone. I'm a coward and just want the joke to end. Instead, I'm just dragged along into the future despite my protests and clawing to avoid pain and disappointment. Let this tragedy end.
deleted_user
I feel you. Feel like youre stuck in an undertow in the ocean. Drowning and cant get out, nor do you really feel the energy and lack the want to do so. I'm there man. Its not that people dont need you or want you. Most encounters we have with people are more than chance......maybe you needed those pains to make you stronger for something better later. If you're not here tomorrow to see it, you'll never know. If you want to talk I'm here.
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