Guys don't deal with emotions very well, I've found. They are taught to be tough and not deal so they don't. I'm sorry he didn't do his usual and help cheer you up. I wish I knew what to say. Just know that this too shall pass and things will get better.

Annie

Annie is somewhat right about that. I am fairly emotionless. Even when I am happy. My EX and I text each other through out the day. Now, I am allowed to text and use my phone at work as long as I am getting my work done. Sometimes i am busy and takes me a few minutes(maybe an hour) to get back to her and when i do I am not all there in the conversation. He may just be busy and I don't think he means anything buy it. IF I was in your husbands shoes, I would rather give you a hug than try to comfort you over the phone. To me, words are empty and actions are more personal. Especially when it comes to affection.

I don't think that guys don't deal with emotions very well, we just deal with them differently than women do.

Different is the key word.

The type of support you get from females is going to be different than the support you get from males. So perhaps knowing that will help you see the support he is giving.

Gentle hugs, and I hope today gets better for you.

It's hard when no one around us seems to pick up on our cues that we are in pain. Just the simplest things, a few kind words and a show of confidence, would be nice sometimes.

Husband is completely clueless about this. He is generally pretty good, but doesn't understand that a compliment, or treating me like I'm deserving of a break from it all, or lots of warm & genuine affection would make a TON of difference in my life. He's just no good at all the little things. It's not just men---a lot of people are this way.

When I confess to another woman what I've been dealing with, I've found, more often than not, it becomes a comparing war wounds contest. The art of listening, and genuinely wanting to help, is quickly becoming lost, everywhere.

The way I cope is to be my own best friend. I treat myself, I congratulate myself when I've gotten through a difficult day----I'm really the only one I can count on (besides friends here), who can grasp what I'm struggling through.

Hugs, my dear, we get it.

So many misunderstandings from texting. What if you make up a texting code word that means, "I need support! Say something encouraging!!!" My BF knows if I say/text I am at red alert, it means I am freaking out and want him to say something like "Don't worry, it's OK," etc., instead of trying to fix my problem or telling me what to do or say. It sounds silly but if it's a "red alert" then he KNOWS immediately how to respond. I dunno, it works for us. :-)

If you will accept our support, you will get plenty of it. This is what we do here. I am a guy, and I used not to have feelings. I learned, partly from this community, to unfreeze my denial, and get real about my feelings. Only took me 64 years. Better late than never, right?

If you join in, make a few friends, and keep your eye on the prize, you are going to find that we are the supportive caring family you always wished you had.

No brag, just fact!

My husband HUH! Horrible support for this depression. He has no understanding of how to help me out. For instance when he is making a ton of noise that to me seems like 10 times what it does to him and I ask him to quiet it down I get no action initially then I get compliance but over reaction....Well, fine you are a party pooper we will just go for a walk and leave you alone then. NICE.
No middle ground. No what's going on with you that noise is a biggie at the moment, something I can help you with? No just behavior that makes me feel guilty.

Im so sorry! My hubby gets like that to, he just gets tired of my depression.. But he is supposed to be your main support system. Men have a hard time processing emotions to.
You can always come here to vent..((hugs))

Tell him what you need and he will probably give it to you. Only little things every now again ~ don't overwhelm him. People without Depression have a very hard time understanding.

Maybe his workplace is not the best place to get into fixing emotional problems. If he's "usually good at this", I'd cut him some slack, and be thankful for what he has done for you thus far. Remember those words of encouragement he gave you, because I doubt they are any different now. I think it's all in your head. There is a time and place for everything. Work is probably not one of those.

You have to remember, he's in another world at the moment (work) and has to deal with his work issues of the day.
Give him some credit, I wouldn't have even got a reply from my husband!
I can just see him now, getting a message from me, and the eyes rolling back in his head thinking...oh for f..ks sake, what now?!
Encouragement...what's that?...we've been married for 26yrs and
I'm just thankful he's still hanging around!

Thanks for all of the replies. It really helps to hear your words of encouragement. I know that it's probably not right for me to text him at work and I understand that it's busy, but sometimes I just don't know who else to reach out to.

My friends and family have their own lives and I can't count on them nor expect them to always be there in my time of need.

I think also, just when you're having a bad day, you're ultra sensitive to everything.

My husband worries about me constantly...asking "what can i do to help you feel better?"....then, sometimes i can tell he gets frustrated, not with me personally, but because he can't "fix" me and magically make my depression go away. He says he feels very powerless and thinks as the man, he should be able to solve all problems. He says though, that he wouldn't trade me for the world...i'm sure your husband feels similar.
Just keep being honest with him about your feelings, and have good heart to hearts together, sharing honestly about it all. Share and listen, and hopefully he will do the same. XO