The 9 years guy blows me away. What a deceitful jackass. I am so sorry you had to learn this the hard way. I can't imagine that level of feeling so hurt and crushed. Not sure how you didn't know but people like this tend to learn to cover their ass really well. Doesn't make it hurt less, but know that someone with such a lack of integrity is someone you are better off without in your life.

As for the second guy...whaa? Perhaps he should have discussed hi super strict specifications with you before going on a date. Again, probably another one you are better with out. Dating shouldn't be so hard, but it is what it is. That's why most hate it. ( :

Don't make this as something is wrong with you...clearly in both of these situations these guys have their own issues and it's not something that you should take as a personal attack on you as a good person. If anything, try to learn a lesson and fine tune your gut instinct. I think when you are looking it's easy to overlook stuff in the beginning, but listen to that voice in your head....you are worth being treated well and that guy who thinks you are the best thing since sliced bread with know that when he meets you. Until then, enjoy knowing that you will not have these 2 less than kind men in your life going forward.

i'm not going forward- relationships just aren't for me- makes me so sad , i get to watch everyone around me happy and carefree with the love of their lives and what do i get- nothing- i give up, on men , on love on anything in life that matters- i just want have to learn how to be alone forever, not such an easy task- but whatever i have my dog

You have no reason to feel bad about yourself...although I can certainly see why you're way down and confused as hell...I would be too.

Jenneshines brings up a hugely good point about people who lie to that extent...they get REALLY good at it. My father is a perfect example. Couldn't tell what was lies and what was truth, even my mother who was married to him for over 30 years. Sad, but it does happen.

And the pork and seafood guy? Nutjob. Period. Be glad you found out now...what if you guys really hit it off, fell in love and he suddenly decided that you used the wrong brand of toothpaste?????

Okay, that last part was an exaggeration to make you laugh...but I'm sure you get what I'm saying.

This is not you, hon. This is just two guys who turned out to be a douchebag and a weirdo, and they just happened to crash into your life at the same time. That's all. I'm sure you're a cutie with tons of attractive qualities, and the right guy's gonna see that .

Hugs to you. I know it does suck hard right now :(

thanks - im really depressed and all my best friends live far away or they are out of town for the weekend........ and this all happened and i'm just.......... i don't know- i feel worthless and ugly

I know this might sound really really stupid...but what if you did something to make yourself feel special and pretty? If your friends were in town I would say go out and party your ass off...

But since you're alone, maybe something as simple as a nice bath, do your nails, watch a movie you've been wanting to see...pretty much anything that makes you feel pampered/special/pretty?

sorry if that's a dumb idea...wish I could take the hurt away, I really do...

its not a dumb idea , i appreciate ur suggestion and will probably do those things- but i won't feel pretty- i just feel like i'm covering up or disguising my ugliness

A princess has to kiss a lot of frogs before they find one that turns into a prince.

I am sure all the attributes you mentioned are true. so .. therefore, you are not worthless or unloveable. You have too many things 'going for you' to be unloveable.

You picked two guys who are not right for you. That is not a bad average. Most women date MANY different men before they find the right one. The right one can be 'hard to find' .. but if you quit looking, you certainly won't find him.

You don't have to try to figure out what you're doing wrong. The answer is nothing. Go about your business of being okay with yourself exactly the way you are and that confidence will attract the correct person.. the one who admires how okay with yourself you are. :o)

I certainly understand, I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the fact I'll be alone with my dog(s) for probably the rest of my life. It's just too hard for anyone to be with me, and I end up pushing them away anyway, so there's not much point in bothering. I'd love to find someone to be with, I hate being lonely, but on the flip side, I'm getting used to it, and I like my time when I get it. Mostly I just feel bad for putting others through so much, I figure it's best to spare them, and me of the pain later. And I don't mean like cheating or violence or dirtbag stuff like that, just my poor state of mental health and constant depression. No one should have to put up with that, even us suffering from it.

Proper love smacks you in the face when you least expect it. Don't lose all heart yet.

Dear girl YOU are not the problem. You are the victim. And to add to Summerwind's suggestion, spend the day at a day spa, get a massage, totally appreciate yourself.

thanks everyone- i send much luv and big hugs although i still feel rejected and alone and so blah.......... straightened my hair today and put on makeup about to do my nails maybe i will feel better maybe not but its a step i guess

Summer's words are so wise and I am so sorry. People can be so disappointing and feel your hurt. Please know it isn't you. It's them.

I am so careful with guys as unfortunately there are so many out there who are married and cheat.

((( Huge Hugs ))))