Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I was on here a long time ago and I thought I should leave and try to live in the "real world."
But it doesn't work, no matter hard I try I am still sad. I am always sad, I don't really remember being happy.
It is hard and I don't really know why I am writing other than I am stuck in the room I live in, sad and I don't really know what else to do. I don't have anyone to speak to.
I find it hard to sleep and wake up a lot in the night with panic attacks, when I have to get out of bed to go to work all I think is "I don't want to be here, I don't want to do this, I just want to disappear, I hate my life, I hate myself, I am a failure, I am disgusting, I am worthless, I don't want to be here", I travel to work for an hour and half, for a job that pays minimum wage, I sit in a corner of an office and speak to no one, all the time thinking "I don't want to be alive, I don't want to do this, I am worthless, this is worthless, I don't want to be," every second feels like an eternity and I hate every moment, I come home, I eat, I wash, I look at the internet and see everyone I have known having their beautiful lives, my old friends having fun together, I sit on my own, I have no one, I sit and think "I am worthless, I have failed, I cannot make this better, I can't escape this, I hate myself and I don't want to be here." I try to sleep, I toss and turn, telling myself "I am useless, I am ugly, I am horrid, I am pathetic, I am failing, I don't want to be here". I do this every weekday. At the weekend, I sit on my own, I walk around on my own, too scared and hating myself too much to go near other people, I walk around and think of what I have become, if I can afford to I drink so I can pass out and sleep and then Monday comes again.
I don't want this life, I can't leave it. I need to keep going, I have failed so many times to make things better and after another crappy day where I was turned down for another job, I am coming to the conclusion that the hurt I feel when again I fail is harder than not trying and accepting my shit life would be.
I hate myself for whining so much to strangers on the internet. I am tired of all this.
I have tried medicine, I have tried counselling, I have tried exercise, I have tried to change my life... it all hasn't worked.
I suppose I just needed to let this out somewhere instead of it being in my head, I hope it will make things feel better for a bit. I am sorry for wasting your time reading this.
But it doesn't work, no matter hard I try I am still sad. I am always sad, I don't really remember being happy.
It is hard and I don't really know why I am writing other than I am stuck in the room I live in, sad and I don't really know what else to do. I don't have anyone to speak to.
I find it hard to sleep and wake up a lot in the night with panic attacks, when I have to get out of bed to go to work all I think is "I don't want to be here, I don't want to do this, I just want to disappear, I hate my life, I hate myself, I am a failure, I am disgusting, I am worthless, I don't want to be here", I travel to work for an hour and half, for a job that pays minimum wage, I sit in a corner of an office and speak to no one, all the time thinking "I don't want to be alive, I don't want to do this, I am worthless, this is worthless, I don't want to be," every second feels like an eternity and I hate every moment, I come home, I eat, I wash, I look at the internet and see everyone I have known having their beautiful lives, my old friends having fun together, I sit on my own, I have no one, I sit and think "I am worthless, I have failed, I cannot make this better, I can't escape this, I hate myself and I don't want to be here." I try to sleep, I toss and turn, telling myself "I am useless, I am ugly, I am horrid, I am pathetic, I am failing, I don't want to be here". I do this every weekday. At the weekend, I sit on my own, I walk around on my own, too scared and hating myself too much to go near other people, I walk around and think of what I have become, if I can afford to I drink so I can pass out and sleep and then Monday comes again.
I don't want this life, I can't leave it. I need to keep going, I have failed so many times to make things better and after another crappy day where I was turned down for another job, I am coming to the conclusion that the hurt I feel when again I fail is harder than not trying and accepting my shit life would be.
I hate myself for whining so much to strangers on the internet. I am tired of all this.
I have tried medicine, I have tried counselling, I have tried exercise, I have tried to change my life... it all hasn't worked.
I suppose I just needed to let this out somewhere instead of it being in my head, I hope it will make things feel better for a bit. I am sorry for wasting your time reading this.
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Do you think anxiety is genetic or comes from your environment? What are your thoughts?
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Many of you know Mr K told me to "shut your mouth" in March 2025 when we took a road trip to Alpena Michigan. Since that time, we have had lots of ups and downs but I have never intentionally hurt Mr K in anyway. And when we first started dating in 2024 he let me know, although he is an engineer by degree, he has an extremely low EQ. Overall, he is ok (not off the charts nice like other guys in...
(((((Gentle Hugs)))))
For what its worth, I am sorry for everything you are going through.
If it is any help, I used to take sleeping medication - zopiclone - and that did help me, but the doctors won't give it to me because when I was younger I self harmed and they are concerned I will take too many...
I am sorry about your wife and other people using you, I don't know if I am better because I am alone or not, I have been destroyed by relationships and friends using me, but I do feel very lonely a lot. I don't understand other people really, I think everyone is so caught up in themselves, and I admit I am as well, but I do try to at least not hurt anyone, other people don't seem the same. I don't ask for help anymore, because of the looks people would give me when I said anything, I don't think you can say to people I am an adult man, but I feel sad, afraid, lonely whatever, I think it is easier for me just to be silent although again its lonely.
I am split about people judging me, I try and tell myself I don't care, that I should be "happy" for me and life my life how I choose, that I am as worthwhile as anyone else. But it doesn't matter, I don't feel any better or worse if I am sat alone being myself or sat alone pretending to be something so I won't be judged. I try and do enough that people won't see how much of a failure I am.
I don't find anything makes me happy anymore and even remembering being happy doesn't seem like a real thing, I find it hard to associate myself with a person who was happy. I can't imagine what it is like to wake up and not feel stressed, the closest I get is after a few drinks when I care less but it isn't helpful because then I just feel shittier later. Thinks I used to enjoy just seem drowned out by the constant self destructive thoughts.
I am sorry for hijacking your comment, and I do truly feel for you and hope that things get better. It seems to me like a horrible world but I hope that it isn't always one for you. Thank you for reaching out and listening, I do appreciate it.
I really don't think I know much about anything, but I do think you are right, some people can be like vultures and they see and prey on the vulnerable. The scars and hurt we have has children live on in us as adults and somehow people see that pain and hurt others more with it.
I don't understand myself at all, but I know that I have been unhappy as long as I can remember, that my life lead to me being suicidal as a teenager and that I am afraid of people, afraid of letting other people down, afraid of hurting other people, sure I will never be good enough, confident I will be abandoned and hurt, able and willing to put up with hurt and pain because I think other people are worth more than I am.
I am no good at relationships, everyone I have the other person has used me, hurt me and left me feeling horrible about myself. So I feel for you and wish I could help, but I really don't know what to say. I am sorry your wife uses things against you and makes you feel bad. I have dreams of relationships where the other person just tries to support you, to love you and help you be a happier, better person, I hope they exist and suppose I am a fool for dreaming.
Yeah, I have "self- medicated" for years, I have also been medicated with countless anti-depressants and anti- psychotics but nothing worked. The best thoughts I have somedays are that it can only be another 40 or so years left that I'll have to keep doing this, but everyday is difficult.
It is easy to say and I know so hard, but you have been kind to me, a stranger, and I think that makes you a kind person. I think you deserve far more than being used and hurt by people and I hope it comes to you somehow.
I do wish I could change my internal monologue and have tried. I don't know why, if it is "depression talking," chemicals in my brain, a warped filter on things or just an acceptance of reality, but it is what I believe to be true and I find it hard to change it. When I say, "I am worthless," I can tell you why for hours, I see it, believe it and it is constant, I have failed to live a good life, I can barely support myself and I am scared of interacting with other people. To me, it is like telling myself that I have brown eyes, when they are blue, I can see they are blue in the mirror, other people tell me they are blue, everything I know and believe tells me they are blue. I am a failure because I can see I am, other people clearly perceive me to be, everything I have learnt about being worthwhile in life, by every criteria, I am a failure and I hate that I am not able to be better, I hate that I am worthless and can't be better.
I do apologise for sounding so miserable (I just am!), and would like to thank you again for taking the time to reply, I do appreciate it.
Have you ever tried applying on lines for new jobs at night? An hour and a half driving time? You would use your pay up going back and forth everyday. And, you hate it the job. It is doing a number on your self esteem. .
In m y area their are sites like Job Finder, etc. . Maybe, you could find something more to your liking that is closer and with better pay. Good luck to you. Shoot, just getting a rob closer to home would give you a raise!
Keep looking for a job that is closer to where you live, so you don't burn so many of those hard-earned minimum-wage bucks on gas (money saved IS money earned), and would free up more time too, time to do whatever you want, time to get out, exercise, socialize more, whatever. Time is very valuable too. Time is really what we're playing with here on this planet. When we croak, we'll have all eternity to play with, unless we're reincarnated, so time won't matter. How would you LIKE to spend your time?