Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
In one of my favourite books about depression, psychotherapist and social worker Richard O'Connor argues that depression is something we learn to do and practice over the years until it becomes second nature to us.
The reverse is also true: we can unlearn depression and learn the habits of happiness.
In essence, the more you act like a depressed person, the more depressed you become and the longer you stay depressed. The more you act like your non-depressed self, the less depressed you feel.
It is almost like rebuilding yourself from scratch. It is certainly a challenge when motivation, energy and hope are at an all time low.
However, it does get easier as we do it. The sense of achievement increases motivation and confidence and hope--so next time you try it is a little bit easier.
My challenge for this week is to try to dress nice for 3 days in a row. This is really hard because I have gained weight and dread the thought of trying on clothes and seeing they don't fit or look bad on me. Depression also makes me feel like I'm not a good "fit" for nice clothes, since I feel unattractive, fat, insecure. In the last months I have neglected my appearance a lot. I wear sweat pants every day. I'm ashamed to say it but I sometimes can't brush my teeth or take a shower every day.
However, I know when I feel better that is one of the things I do better: I take care and I dress nicer. My counselor asked me to try to dress nice for 3 days in a row and see how I feel. She said doing it once is not enough to see an effect but 3 times in a row is a good try.
It seems like such a big challenge. But I'm going to try and report back.
Would anyone else like to take on the challenge? Try doing something that you used to make you happy when you were not depressed. Do it for 3 days and report back to us. as it as challenging as you thought? Did it bring you little pleasure like you anticipated? Did it change your mood at all?
It's a little exercise on how to undo the habits of depression and learn/practice the habits of happiness. Undo depression and re-do you!
The reverse is also true: we can unlearn depression and learn the habits of happiness.
In essence, the more you act like a depressed person, the more depressed you become and the longer you stay depressed. The more you act like your non-depressed self, the less depressed you feel.
It is almost like rebuilding yourself from scratch. It is certainly a challenge when motivation, energy and hope are at an all time low.
However, it does get easier as we do it. The sense of achievement increases motivation and confidence and hope--so next time you try it is a little bit easier.
My challenge for this week is to try to dress nice for 3 days in a row. This is really hard because I have gained weight and dread the thought of trying on clothes and seeing they don't fit or look bad on me. Depression also makes me feel like I'm not a good "fit" for nice clothes, since I feel unattractive, fat, insecure. In the last months I have neglected my appearance a lot. I wear sweat pants every day. I'm ashamed to say it but I sometimes can't brush my teeth or take a shower every day.
However, I know when I feel better that is one of the things I do better: I take care and I dress nicer. My counselor asked me to try to dress nice for 3 days in a row and see how I feel. She said doing it once is not enough to see an effect but 3 times in a row is a good try.
It seems like such a big challenge. But I'm going to try and report back.
Would anyone else like to take on the challenge? Try doing something that you used to make you happy when you were not depressed. Do it for 3 days and report back to us. as it as challenging as you thought? Did it bring you little pleasure like you anticipated? Did it change your mood at all?
It's a little exercise on how to undo the habits of depression and learn/practice the habits of happiness. Undo depression and re-do you!
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
I have heard of the book Undoing Depression and hope its a lot better than HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE an old 1978 book that I got halfway thru and quit
it made it sound like it was a SIN to be depressed
well ok, mcboo -- I'll shave even though I dont have to and report back
Thanks for joining me in this :) It's strange but since I decided to do this I've started doing other things that I have not done in months (things other than dressing nice). It's as if the commitment to doing something in spite of the depression has increased my motivation to do other things in spite of the depression--or at least to try.
It's tricky because as I do those things, I worry if I'll be able to do them every day. That's the "all or nothing" perfectionistic thinker in me. I can't be happy that I did it once after months of not doing it. I worry about doing it every day!
Chrissy: the challenge doesn't have to start tomorrow. I think I'll do my 3 days next week since I have to present in class so I have an extra motivator to dress up a bit :).
Also, "from hair to shoes" sounds like many challenges--not one! It depends on where you are in your progress, but doing one thing would be enough to get started. It doesn't have to be about grooming either. It can be accepting an invitation to go out with a friend or practicing a hobby that you stopped when you got depressed.
Abraxas: don't forget to do it 3 times! Shave 3 days in a row and see how you feel.
I have to say, it is tough! It feels awkward and even fake. It feels like it's not good enough. It's scary too. I've been avoiding certain things not just because of depression but because certain activities bring up negative feelings like insecurity, fear of rejection, self-criticism....
This is quite inspirational exercise. I shall try also! In fact, when I was readin your post I realised that during the days I must wear nice clothing, my mood goes up very much.
It is like one has respect for their own existence again and that there is a reason why to be at our best.
Thank you for this inspiration! :)
Plus there is one hint that I use - whenever I feel unattractive (very often actually as I have also gained much weight due to comfort eating) I look in the mirror in my eyes and smile in my soul. One can see it in the eyes. It makes a person immediately attractive no matter of their weight or dress. Smile means acceptance and a kind and loving soul is always the greatest magnet... :)
Good luck to all of us with the drerss-up challenge :)
You explained it nicely: it is almost like seeing yourself from the outside and seeing a person who does not act depressed. After a while it starts to affect your mood too.
And it is about self respect. In some ways, depression is a collection of self destructive habits. If you behave as if you love yourself, that stops the vicious cycle of depression in which depressive symptoms generate self-destructive habits and those habits reinforce, increase and perpetuate depressive symptoms.
This takes work, patience, practice, practice, practice. It is much harder than to take a pill, but how many people feel that taking a pill has healed their depression compleletely? And how long does the effect of the pill last?
These so-called behavioral strategies, on the other hand, are coping skills that we can use anytime, long term, no risks, no side effects and the effects don't wear off. It may be harder to implement them at different times in our life, but we can always try.
I went to Hastings bookstore this afternoon and bought THE MINDFUL WAY THROUGH DEPRESSION and started reading it
My brother uses mindfulness and he says it's done wonders for his mood and emotional well-being. He's not clinically depressed though.
I think mindfulness might work better as a prevention strategy. For people who are in the midst of depression, it may not work the same at different severity levels. So if it doesn't work when depression is moderate to severe, it may still work for mild depression or to prevent depression altogether.
Good luck with that!
this board here seems more important than a book anyway
All I'm saying is: if it doesn't work when you're very depresed, give it another try when your depression is not as bad.
And I'm going to learn it at some point too. I just don't think I'm ready for it now. I'm working on more basic stuff right now, like improving my mood to where I'm functioning better.
If you do read it and try it, would you share in the forum? I feel we talk too much about suicide and hopelessness and too little about hope and solutions! More people talking about things that work would be nice.
actually I just got to pg 14
Some depression is not learned, it is caused by a chemical imbalance, the end result of a lifetime of abuse, etc.
I do not think you can "unlearn" a chemical imbalance though with meds, it can be managed.
I find depression to be a disease that needs to be managed every bit as much as any other disease. Would you suggest a person could "unlearn" diabetes, cancer, arthritis? I rather doubt it, yet depression is in fact a disease and not always a choice. It can be managed but it is always there and no meds or self-help books, ideas, suggestions will ever cure it. For those of us that have this disease, managing it long term is a tremendous challenge,and not an easy one.
I dearly wish I could change myself back to who I was before this illness but that can't happen, I can only hope to find the help I need through a good dr. that understands the insidiousness of this disease.
To end on a positive note, I do hope that those who read it and are not in the dark hole constantly, will take up your challenge, it does sound productive.
thank you for sharing.
Thanks for your feedback. You make a good point which is important to clarify. We really don't know what causes depression. It could be biological, it could be learned or influenced by the environment. Most likely, it is a mix of both. And it certainly varies from person to person: for some it is a lot more biological than for others.
It's important to clarify that the theory that depression is caused by a chemical imbalance is just that: a theory. There is no hardproof evidence of that. The hypothesis is that depression is caused by an imbalance of the serotonin system (a chemical system in the brain). However, antidepressants increase serotonin within hours, yet take weeks to improve depression. No one understands why. In sddition, antidepressants are no better than cognitive-behavioral therapy in alleviating depression. There is also evidence that they don't work that well for moderate depression and only seem to affect the more extreme symptoms of depression like insomnia or anxiety.
In any case, even in more biological depressions, people learn to cope in ways that are maladaptive and perpetuate their symptoms. Recovery will always have to address the consequences of living with depression for years. Those consequences are learned negative thoughts, negative behaviors, negative habits, negative ways of handling emotions and relationships. All that can be "unlearned" or rather "relearned".
I don't think people can unlearn diabetes or heart disease, but those diseases can often be prevented and managed through lifestyle changes like better diet, exercise, stress reduction, better sleep. They are clearly biological, yet they can be the result of behavioral (learned) habits and they can respond to behavioral changes.
Bottomline is that the divide between the body and the mind is not a clear one. Just because something is biological, it doesn't mean your mind cannot have an effect on it. The mind is a powerful thing. People can go blind from anxiety, without any physical cause.
I do think we should assess how severe our symptoms are before we decide which strategy to take. If someone has severe depression with anxiety, insomnia, lack of apetite, suicidal intentions, then his/her priority should be to be more stable and calm. But when you are more stable and calm, the meds alone often fail to help people get back on their feet. A lot of people complain of residual symptoms. Also, meds often stop working for no reason and people often relapse even after taking the drugs for the prescribed amount of time. They're just not enough for a lot of us.
Non-biological treatments are not promoted as much because there is no financial interest behind them. The drug companies are not precisely interested in helping people as much as they're interested in making profit. We as consumers need to explore all our treatment options and manage our own treatment because no one else will do it for us.