Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
My twin sister and I have been close for a long time. Now, it seems like she doesn't want to be near me. She once said she wishes she wasn't a twin. She's grumpy all the time. She locks the door to her room and never let's me in. If I am ever able to get in she pushes me out. And she's strong. Every time I go into her room, it's like I'm going into a room I've never seen before. I miss her. The only time we ever spend time together is when we're watching TV. And she's always on her computer when we're doing that. Our relationship is one-sided. I love her as much as she doesn't want to be around me. Or at least that's what it feels like. Our mom has video footage of an ultra-sound when she was pregnant with us. I'm getting into her personal space and she (this is true) litterally starts spanking me.
I also want to talk more about my parents and school. I'm so sorry I keep bringing this up. When I went to school for 2nd and 5th grade, I got bullied for making friends with boys. Some one tattled on me for doing something I did not do. The teachers always punished the whole class when only a few kids were being stupid. There was one time (this is hard to write) when a teacher punished me specifically for not helping put away benches for a thing I wasn't even a part of and didn't even know about. She made me cry in front of the whole class. I'm litterally crying right now.
There were also times when kids vometed. I really don't like vomit. I also had to be in plays (I have stage-fright) and the director made me dance on a table. In another play, I was the only kid who couldn't sit down because of my costume and I tripped while we were running around the audience.
I'm really starting to hyperventilate.
Another thing about my stage fright: When I was at Eagleridge (a Homeschool Enrichment Program) I was in Orchesta and I wasn't that good. I thought I had it down by the performance but as soon as it started, I froze. I could not play a single note.
There was another time when a boy thought we were dating. I was and still am too young to date and I told him that. The thing is, we held hands and shared a chair sometimes. It was a big, comfy chair some kids got for being good. I'm not sure, but maybe we were dating... I really don't like that thought.
There was another time a teacher yelled at me and some boys while we were playing basketball for letting the ball roll into the field.
Another time, a bunch of kids were yelling and marching around during recess for Red for Ed and they walked through a Soccor/Football game. They all got punished, including my sister.
Another time, my sister got sent to the principals office for sending a letter to our teacher, telling her it was wrong to keep a bunch of kids from going to a field trip. I got to go on the field trip while she stayed at school because she felt it was wrong. The teacher told the kids getting punished they had to do a lot of extra work while we were on our field trip and any kid who stayed home would be punished.
Another time, she made the whole class walk around the basketball court all through recess becaue some kids were being stupid.
Another time, a kid said the F word to me because I didn't know about something.
I got a B in Social Studies, my worst subject. It really hurt me. I know some of you get B's or lower but I feel like if I don't get all A's I'm stupid.
My sister got a B and I thought my teacher gave it to her instead of me because she couldn't tell us apart.
Another time, there were 2 other kids in my class with my name and I thought the teacher called on me so I said the answer really loud and confident. She had called on another kid with my name and she didn't hesitate to tell me that. It was really embarresing.
I am now afraid of boys because of school.
I got into an argument with some one with how to spell something and I was really confident about my answer. It turned out she was right. It made me feel even more stupid.
I had a bad day at school. On my birthday.
A boy put some of his food on my lunchbox while I was at the bathroom and we got in trouble.
I was one of the quiet kids but since lunch was so loud, they punished everyone for being loud.
The teacher always kept the whole class from going to recess for being loud. She always said I could go early because of how quiet I am. I usually went to recess alone.
This is the worst one so far: The Guitar teacher almost got fired because he wanted to bring us outside to watch the solar eclipse (Which I REALLY wanted to see). They didn't let us watch it. They even kept us inside from recess because of it. I cried really hard on the way home. Because of that experience, I will NOT miss another eclipse. Lunar or solar. Partial or full. I stayed up till 3am watching the lunar eclipse a few days ago.
Some kids turned around in their desks to talk to me once. I have Lazy Eye. They saw it and asked me about it. I was really embarresed. That was before I could control it as well as I can now.
I have a speech impairment. The "R's" are a hard one for me. I sound like a baby. I don't want people to hear my voice.
I came to school late once and had to come in with the little kids. I felt really tall. I REALLY don't like feeling tall. (There's some Gariscophbia for you.)
Another time, I accidentally walked through a huge puddle (I didn't see it) and a teacher who was really nice when showing us around the school yelled "Get out of the water!" I can still hear her yelling that.
Another time, my best friend and I (This is at Eagleridge) were leaning on our desks just playing with our eyes while listening to the teacher. The teacher saw it and got mad at me. ME. She had this whole deal about moving me and it was REALLY embarresing. I really don't like getting in trouble. If I ever do, it haunts me everywhere I go.
Another teacher at Eagleridge thought I was talking to my best friend and yelled at me. She was a really grumpy teacher. She is over 80 and is still teaching. No one at Eagleridge likes her.
We had to wear uniforms. I am really insecure and can't wear something girls wear and some people point it out at me. (Sorry to everyone about this) My Gariscophobia keeps me from wearing them and even getting rid of hairs on my legs. (This is so embarresing. I'm so sorry)
I told someone about my stagefright. About how I get scared even when I'm looking at a stage and she asked me "Why are you even in this school?" It was a performing arts school. My mom put me in against my will, completley aware of my stage fright.
My mom also put me in a choir. I loathed every single second of it. I'm not in it anymore. She thinks one bad experience is making me so mad at this choir: a kid vomiting on stage during the performance. I didn't even see it. The choir director was really mean to everyone. He kicked kids out of choir in front of everyone. There were a lot of people in this choir. Over 500! He even yelled at me because I WASN'T touching my face. My mom doesn't know about that. No one (except you guys now) knows about it.
Another time, a class was perfoming and they started bringing people from the audience onto the stage to dance with them. My (kind of) friend's friend brought me up after I told her no.
I've been having a hard time with schoolwork at home and I don't want to be graded and feel stupid or embarress myself. I don't know if I could get all A's.
There are probably more stuff, but I don't want this to be too long.
I really don't want my parents to put me in a school because of all this. Also, now everyone has to wear masks and I can't wear masks or even look at people wearing them. It's like there are a bunch of doctors, Dentists, and robbers everywhere.
I'm so sorry this came out so long. Thank you for reading it all. Please comment back. You guys have no idea how much joy I feel when I see I have a notification on this website. Thank you all for your support.
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It's bedtime but I heated up some coffee to take my pills with and made a fresh pot so I can have some as soon as I wake up tomorrow a.m. I've been on a roll for 2 days with cleaning and getting other stuff done. I bought a new cell phone about a week ago and I've been having some issues. I stopped at Verizon and a nice young man jumped in to help. As a result, I was able to get an iced...
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And another time the class was taking turns reading a page in Hatchet. I had to ask to read a different page because they took the Lord's name in vain on that page. (I have really high standards) Then, I got really mad because there was a swear word right on the last page of the book!
I get that same phrase a lot. Also, so many people tell me I'm sweet. I don't know why that bothers me. It's supposed to be a compliment!
"Why are you dwelling on all the bad things?"
You are a nervous wreck from constantly recalling all the bad memories!
You need to start making lists of good things. Write them down, review them.
I say this not to be mean, but to point you in the right direction. Constantly musing about the bad will destroy you! How do I know? Because I also did this. Almost everything you said, triggered a bad memory for me, which was long forgotten and buried. And it upset me. But, I'm old, I've learned how to remember good things! So, I will rebound quickly. But you? They are taking over your thoughts.
You are obviously a smart person, with an excellent memory. I have 2 practical pieces of advice for you!
1. Write out a list of good things, happy and joyful, funny and warm. Try and get the list as long as the lists here. (This is almost OCD.), start replacing all the bad things, with good memories. Start thinking about positive things in the future. If you like drawing, make a list of future drawings, and start drawing them. If you like birds or animals, take some books out of the library and learn about them. If you like being active, plan a hike or a swim or bike ride. Whatever is important to you. Start thinking about the future, not the past.
2. Find some Bible verses to meditate on. Psalm 1:2 says to meditate!
"2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night."
You can take something simple, like John 14:27,
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
Just remember up to the first semi-colon. Sit comfortably, and say it slowly for 20-30 minutes. Prayerfully listening to God, or emphasizing one word, like "peace." Let the peace of God control your kind and emotions. Relax into the Word of God.
And remember, being a Christian is not just about keeping rules. It is about a relationship with Christ.
I'm going to send you a pm, if possible, and we can talk more!
As for your sister, do you complain about how badly the world is/has treated you all the time? Maybe focus on her, and not talk about you. If you do speak to her, talk about good things!
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Phil 4:8-9
Obey the Lord. He does not want you dwelling on the bad, but all the good things!
Imagine a dirt road with tire tracks on it. Every time a vehicle drives down that road the tires follow those same tracks that have been in the dirt forever. That's how your brain stays in a negative thinking path. But one day someone comes along and decides to avoid following those tire tracks and starts driving outside of them forming new tire tracks. That's your brain forming new grooves because you started having more positive thinking.
I hope that makes sense. Its something we use in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I wish you luck!
to be more positive. Your life doesn't seem as miserable and it reduces
anxiety to think more positively. I struggle with it every day. Its difficult to
change the way you think. But worth it to feel better. Good luck.
1) I got to go to an event that showed Cesar Millan. I'm a really big fan. At the end, I was about 10 feet away from him before his agent kicked him out for another thing. He was really trying hard to give as many autographs and pictures as he could before he left. I didn't get one but I have a shirt!
2) I met Hank Smith, a popular speaker in my religion. I actually met him twice. I got to get his autograph and a picture. I own some of his talks and listened to them so many times I practically have them memorized. My older sister told him that each time we met. The first time, he asked me "Are you okay?" right in my face. The second time, he asked my older sister "Does she have brain damage?" Don't worry. He makes a lot of jokes and I wasn't offended.
3) I met Elder Gary E. Stevenson, Elder Garrit W. Gong, and Elder Ronald A. Rasband, some leaders in my church. When I shook the hand of Elder Rasband, he looked at me. Then with a worried face, he asked me "Are you okay?" I don't know why he asked me that... But I had 2 famous people ask me "Are you okay?"!
4) I have 2 close friends. One of which we have special days where she and I and her grandmother go out and have some fun. Last time, we went to a trampoline park and got PTSD from a toddler (She screamed while running towards us and throwing balls at us. Then jumping on us. We had a fun time)
5) I was able to pet a tamed wolf once. That was a cool experience.
6) I have 2 gerbils, Henry and Dashwood, who are so cute and funny. (Although they do keep me up at night loudly chewing their cage. They also groom each other. The one getting groomed squeaks so loud! That's the most annoying thing about them. :) )
7) I was able to spend a few months with our 3 rabbits before the owner of our house kicked them out. We sent them to a friend's house but they escaped and I'm pretty sure one of them had babies.
8) I love the smells of nature, lotion, my garage, my bookmark and scriptures, and a bunch of other stuff.
9) My mom saved my life when I was 2 or 3 when I drank something poisonous.
10) My mom also saved my life when I wasn't breathing while I was sleeping. (I was dreaming I was drowning)
11) My favorite color is yellow, the happy color.
12) I get alone time almost every Monday and Thursday for about 1-3 hours.
13) On Monday, the next episode of my favorite TV show of all time, Studio C, is coming out.
14) This Tuesday is the 58th anniversary of my second favorite TV show, Doctor Who.
15) I bought a Studio C T-shirt. It was really hard to get.
16) I also bought a Random Acts backpack, a Green Team Relative Race wristband (Just like on the show!) and Relative Race pencils. I am a big fan of BYUTV.
17) I memorized the complete Fur Elize on the piano.
18) I was able to print off the piano sheet music for I Am the Doctor, an instrumental song from Doctor Who.
19) On Youtube, I commented on some videos by some of the cast members of Studio C and 3 of them commented back! One of them gave me special permission to recreate a sketch and even gave me behind the scene information no one else knows. Another one is Canadian and her first language is French so I told her she could comment back in French if she wanted to and she did! Twice!
20) I wrote a sketch, sketch ideas, and a letter for Studio C and sent it to them. I don't know if they'll use it or write back but I have to wait longer to find out.
21) My mom won't teach me to drive this year and next year. (I really don't want to drive)
22) Because of my speech impairment, some people ask me if I'm British. (I like it when they do)
23) When I went to Eagleridge, it was like I was a magnet for friends.
24) My motto is "I can succeed"
25) I am trying to memorize something everyday for a year to gain a photographic memory.
26) I memorized 3 really long proclomations.
27) My friends are starting to watch Doctor Who AND Studio C!
28) I beat my dad at Top Golf once when I went against his suggestions.
29) I stopped pulling out my hair for about a year.
30) I get really excited whenever Studio C gets higher on the BYUTV suggestion list.
31) I decorated my wall a few days ago. I might take everything back down and restart. I keep doing that. It helps calm me.
32) My grandma and I are pen pals.
33) I found this website.
34) I met someone who was an extra in the most popular Studio C sketch, Scott Steriling!
35) I got straight A's all through 2nd grade.
36) I joined a Doctor Who Fan Site. Plus, it's family-friendly!
37) When I took Gymnastics classes, I was the 3rd best in the class.
38) I was almost able to do a front-hand-spring all by myself by the time my Gymnastics class ended.
39) I got a brand-new bike last Christmas.
40) I'm getting a little better at popping popcorn.
41) I don't know how old my mom is. We have a joke where we say she's 110 years old and getting older.)
42) I like to save my money so I have about $200 I earned myself.
43) I learned last week that I gave over $65 in Tithing to my church this year! I'm not trying to brag. It surprised me! I'm also really glad about it.
44) I got to go to the Mesa Temple Open House earlier this month. Twice.
45) I know the secrets to being a millionaire: Separate your money into 40% spending, 20% Investing, 10% Savings, 10% Special Savings, 10% Offerings, and 10% Tithing.
46) I rarely get bored.
47) I can wake up early, even if I fall asleep after 3.
48) My family has a tradition where we draw names out of a hat and whoever we pick, we make a present for them. We have to make it. We open those presents on Christmas Eve night.
49) Last Christmas Eve, my dad made me a toy TARDIS with a bunch of the characters inside. I love it so much!
and finally 50) My twin sister and I survived the C-section. (I'll tell the story about our birth later. It's kind of long)