Stay strong sweetie.

Aww, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Hang in there. hugs

Our brains are designed to heal from emotional trauma. The way you do that is by talking about it with someone you can trust. Then you can let it go. It's that surrender that eliminates all those negative emotions we have about it. Hopefully your psychiatrist is working on that with you. Try to keep yourself busy in the meantime. Doing things to help others, use to help me but whatever works for you.

God Bless

Please feel free to send me a message anytime this weekend. I know we haven't physically met but I would love to be your friend. If Halloween in your favorite holiday, then that means we would definitely get along.
I haven't been diagnosed with PTSD but my psychiatrist wants to explore that this week when I go. Sometimes it seems absolutely impossible to see the world outside of our past trauma. It's NOT your fault that you don't see the things the way the "average" person does.

PTSD just means you're a survivor.

You don't have to stay strong. that's the opposite of what you have to do.

You have to cry it out.

There's a place past this place. I used to be very vulnerable to hearing others have a good time. it used to cut like a knife. I was so lonely. I didn't know how to make friends, I was bullied in school and just learned to be isolated and alone... but could never understand why.

And when the neighbours would have parties and I was all alone, no husband, marriage broken up, feeling like a bad mother and a bad person, I would come unglued. How would I ever create situations where I'd have people around me, laughing? How would I ever become part of a group that had a good time, and laughed on a saturday night? And what was I putting my children through, passing on this kind of isolation? I couldn't see a world that had that in it. I didn't know how it would be.

I remember the last time it happened crying my eyes out in bed, just weeping like a baby. And somehow I let it all go. And I realised we all live in an eternal series of nows. neighbours might be having a good time this year, and I might be having a good time next year.

Neighbours might be laughing desperately trying to remain part of the group. They might have little factions and little arguments I don't see. they might be miserable. Their house might be about to foreclose. I had no way of knowing what their lives were truly like, and if I was missing out on anything.

And what's more, I had no way of knowing what the future might bring me. Why did I feel like a failure for having no friends now? What was failure? The rent was paid. The food was on the table. What did I consider success to be?

So I realised I could let the future take care of itself. And if I was okay now, I didn't have to turn that into something I was doing wrong. I didn't have to be jealous. I didn't have to feel left out. I could just live in the now, be what I was in the now, and let the future come at me however it wished.

I've made a lot of friends since I changed that part of myself. Why? Because I don't need them, I dont' expect them, I can take them or leave them. The vibes are now different. They're not scared that if they show me friendship they'll have a parasite stuck to them for five years.

It takes me about four years to make one friend. now that I know that, I know I just have to sit still, stay put, and live my life and let time do the work.

Bridge you just made my day wow Now you gave me excellent advice on how to not letting anyone bring me down especially ones that party and drink and make fun of me wow great support. Thanks. I was bullied a lot too since high school was called names even people thought I was a guy but I was not. Crying sure helps especially if you hold it in for too long. Yeah Halloween this time of year is kind of spooky for me since I feel like It gone crazier than last year.. I know what it's like to be hated and hurt. It does stink for sure. But if some people hate me and don't want to be part of it than I can't force them they just have to see me have good time finding someone who doesn't lose in trust in me.