Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
For me, the idea of suicide gets triggered randomly to the point where the most trivial objects cause very very graphic and disturbing thoughts.
I get triggered everytime I go out for a night walk, during every single car ride, at college, when walking on or past a brindge, when I am in the kitcher at home, or in the shower, in a pool or ocean, every time I use a scissor, a rope or string, or a plastic bag. When I use the hair dryier I can't stop staring at the warning sign that says "KEEP AWAY FROM WATER - DANGER" in those bright red capital letters. I can't be on a bulding, mountain, hill, or any high place without thinking on the possibility of jumping off it; and the list goes on and on.
Car rides are VERY hard. My mind gets overloaded with thoughts not necessarily car-related. I imagine myself jumping off the fast moving car into the driveway, specially when another car or bus is approaching from behind; driving off a bridge or crashing the car into something (even tho I don't drive yet); climbing every light post and dying by electrocution, specially when it's raining, hanging myself from the trees we pass by, etc etc.
Right now I'm specially overwhelmed by fear because I'm travelling to Chile for two weeks next Thursday and there, well... We tend to take the train or subway nearly everyday and the idea of jumping in front of them is just too strong for me to handle everytime.
I won't be seeing my therapists till I come back so I'm stuck and scared.
Sorry for making this too long, but I'm frightened tight now. Any advise would be welcomed.
Thanks
I get triggered everytime I go out for a night walk, during every single car ride, at college, when walking on or past a brindge, when I am in the kitcher at home, or in the shower, in a pool or ocean, every time I use a scissor, a rope or string, or a plastic bag. When I use the hair dryier I can't stop staring at the warning sign that says "KEEP AWAY FROM WATER - DANGER" in those bright red capital letters. I can't be on a bulding, mountain, hill, or any high place without thinking on the possibility of jumping off it; and the list goes on and on.
Car rides are VERY hard. My mind gets overloaded with thoughts not necessarily car-related. I imagine myself jumping off the fast moving car into the driveway, specially when another car or bus is approaching from behind; driving off a bridge or crashing the car into something (even tho I don't drive yet); climbing every light post and dying by electrocution, specially when it's raining, hanging myself from the trees we pass by, etc etc.
Right now I'm specially overwhelmed by fear because I'm travelling to Chile for two weeks next Thursday and there, well... We tend to take the train or subway nearly everyday and the idea of jumping in front of them is just too strong for me to handle everytime.
I won't be seeing my therapists till I come back so I'm stuck and scared.
Sorry for making this too long, but I'm frightened tight now. Any advise would be welcomed.
Thanks
However.....
The problem with me, is among other things, is I want a painfree death. and I do not want to cause harm or injury to another person. Imagine if you do jump into that subway. How much pain will you feel. What happens if you don't die? What about the people viewing what takes place? Are they going to be traumatized.
My husband is a truck driver. One night a person who went to kill themselves, jumped out in front of him. The person laid in the road still alive, suffering in pain while the driver tried to help and flag down another vehicle. (this was before cell phones) The person eventually died before help arrived. This man has not driven a truck since, and feel an huge amount of guilt for something that was not his fault.
The choice you make has complications.