You can start a group called that if you wish. Just go to groups, then hit create a group and do what it says. The only way I blame my parents is that depression is a disease that is passed on from grand parent to child. You mom may be crazy or depressed but it is her parents that you get depressed. So, I guess I inherited from my grandmother. Now, my parents could pass it done to my children. (they didn't however) but I could pass the gene to mine. I beleive depression to be a physical illness.

I am only one in family caretaking for my toxic mom. I love her, but don't like her. Brother and I agree she ruined our lives. Yes, we have biological luggage, but nurture might have stopped the depression, anxiety, from being triggered.

In her defense, her childhood was a nightmare. The curse continues. My brother never had children, and I'm hopeful each new generation of my family line will be more "normal."

Oh my you've just written my life, except I'm still fifteen xo at least maybe hope shadows my grayness xo thanks for posting this xo

There is a group but it's not very active

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/adults-with-childhood-trauma

I knew my parents were bad people when I was a very young child. I used to pray that my "real" parents would come find me and take me to live with them. When I became a teenager I left and never looked back. I haven't seen any of my "family" for over 30 years. don't know if they are alive or dead and don't care.

The damage my parents did to me has lasted a lifetime, I only wish they had gone to jail for what they did. It makes me angry that they got away with it.

Although I was an only child, with no relatives on my worthless dad's side, I was the low man on the totum pole for my drunken, crazy, lowlife parents.

My mom had: 1. her brother, 2. her sister 3. vultures she gave $ to, with me doing without because of it.

My dad had 4. his co-workers 5. his barflys 6. his church 7. $ to charitiy, although our house had rotted, unpainted, wooden siding.

My drunken, crazy, stupid, parents were ashamed of...ME; nerd-me who didn't even have a drink till age 21. And dumb, crazy, me kept quiet about all their evil---although my drunken, money-wasting, dad actually complained to his priest about me not having a job!

"The cruelist lies are told in silence"----charles dickens. The stories I could have told, by age 18, though maybe I subconsciously knew that my church-going dad would have kicked his only living relative out of the house.

p.s. for "heretic"
a couple years ago, in middle-age, i started thinking how my parents were the types where a smart kid would join the army at age 18 and never see again.

but, i let myself get upset about having a slightly crooked back, so i became a semi-recluse, at age 18. "Anatomy is destiny"---sigmund freud.

p.s.
or snailaway
it's possible that the reason you are taking care of your mom is that she instilled a lot of guilt in you.

it's also possible that years after she's gone that you might regret that you did take care of her.

....cause that's the story of my life.

my parents had lousy upbringings, and i pitied them---to no avail.

and, i've also come to think of my parents akin to convicted criminals who had lousy upbringings----pitiful until they commit their crimes.

I read the book "Toxic parents" it helped some. I started dumping memories, if I did remember my parents would deny it happened hoping I would dump the memory. If there were bruises or welts or physical proof they would just say I was a liar and crazy and they did not make those I got them from somewhere else.

Thank you penntucky and heretic for your input about this horrible bond we share.

If I had been more mature, I would have known to move away at 18 and established my life elsewhere. However, I would have returned for visits and taken care of her in her old age, as I'm doing now.

No, I will not regret it. I think it's the cycle of life and she has no one else. If she did, I wouldn't do it. I love her but don't like her meanness.

My brother gets chest pains when he sees her. Guess I'm the stable one, haha.

I don't believe anyone should be alone and helpless.

She almost died in late November. After medical procedures, she is home with visiting nurses. I only go over once a day now that shes stronger.

I expect to feel free as a bird when it's over. I will cry because she is my mom and has some attributes I admire.

Sorry if this is shocking to those with loveable parents. My dad, I adored him, by the way. He died two years ago. Mm was emotionally and verbally abusive.

I think there are 2 kinds of depression - situational and biological. Many times, they happen together complicating an already complicated situation. My parents and family in general were not very healthy mentally speaking, and that caused a lot of problems for me.

But I do believe that once we're adults, it's on us to heal ourselves regardless of what kind of hell we've been through in childhood. And I do believe my parents did their best with the knowledge and skills they had at the time. There wasn't a lot of information on child-rearing back then so they only knew what they were taught.

That being said, I was very happy that my maternal grandmother passed many years ago, but now I think maybe I was too harsh in my judgement. I've only recently been told that she was very mentally ill, and again, there wasn't much known or done back then for the mentally ill.

Thank you April. I am not a stubborn person, but I must stand firm on this one, and for the others who posted.

I have been told that my mother is pathologically difficult. When she was in the hospital, my way of coping was tracking how many times she complained per hour. The first 20 minutes she complained 38 times. When her meal tray arrived, she complained 10 times in 2 minutes. Each complaint stabs me in the gut.

I am doing the best I can, short of deserting her, which I refuse to do. If she were younger, in good health, I would ask my husband if we could move away. I am proud for having lived through my upbringing and have been a relatively normal mother and a very good grandma.

I know you mean well. Peace to you!

I can fully relate on this thread. I had very toxic parents too and spent much of my life feeling contained, angry, and at some point wish not so good things for them. My dad tried to ask for forgiveness and to change before he died. I wish I can easily forgive him but the damage's been done and I had lost much of my life because I was scared, angry, depressed, embarrassed and hiding a lot of things inside. I wish I had better things to say for him like my other siblings but I don't. He is my parent, he tried to change and make amends, but I have to memory block my growing up years because of him. I am also angry with my mom because she knows whats going on but she cares more about gold digging the men in her past lives. Now that she's old, she turned to us, her children for her gold digging ways. But over time, we learned to take care of her but block all the negativities and pressures she continues put down on us.

I'm 33 but it is only 2.5 years ago that I started to have a normal life. Once the hate, anger and frustration were gone and the negativities they brought on me were controlled, it is only when I had started achieving things for myself. If only I don't have toxic parents and had a normal childhood, maybe I had achieved more by now.

ZAZAS, that's very interesting about depression going from grandparents to grandchildren; I'd never heard of that. Wish I knew more about my grandparents. My paternal grandmother was mean and eventually had some kind of weird breakdown. So maybe she had depression. My dad hated her, although he was the apple of her eye.

My parents were narcissistic, cold, authoritarian, critical, but also very funny, intelligent, creative, broad-minded and liberal. I'm still trying to figure them out all these years later. They weren't physically abusive, but emotionally ... Yes, they had a very big influence on my mental health and still do, through the beliefs and ideas they instilled in me.

SnailAway, I'm not sure my thoughts were very clear based on your response. I wasn't trying to say that anyone is wrong for hating or feeling angry about their parents actions. In fact, I felt this way for a long time myself. I even thought that I would do exactly what my mother did for me when she's older - provide her basic necessities...in a state run nursing home. I'm not sure that I've changed my mind on that just yet either.

However, I do believe that giving up all personal responsibility for who you are and your happiness is just continuing the victimization. When in truth, as adults, we now have the power to decide to change our lives in any way we choose. Of course that doesn't happen on a whim and it takes time and even more effort, but the potential for inner peace is worth it in my opinion.

Thank you, April. No bad feelings toward you! Thank you for clearing this up!