Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I recently broke up with my fiance in September and since then I have been in a very dark hole that I can't seem to emerge out of. All I think about is death and violence. There is so much death in the world these days that I just can't bear it- look at Nepal! over 4,000 people are dead! Everywhere I turn someone is dying of a disease, or a murder, or a terrible car accident. Everyone seems to just be falling over dead. It can be me any day. I constantly feel like I am just waiting to die. Something's bound to get me sooner or later. every day I think about eternity and crazy thoughts about infinity and how everyone just dies in the end. Nothing is permanent and that really freaks me out. I find myself fluctuating between wanting to save my life and not wanting to be here at all. It's like I have this death wish all the time. How can anyone function in a world so terribly unsafe is beyond my scope of imagination. I feel sorry for the dead because many of them didn't even want to die and they had to go, and I do want to die yet I keep waking up every morning. Why!!! It drives me crazy when I really don't want to be here anymore. It's like someone turned off the lights in my mind and I am in such pervasive darkness that it's suffocating.
Stop watching the news if you must.
I tend to depersonalize things. For example, I lived through a really big earthquake in 1994. Had it occurred in a 3rd world country the death toll could have been in the hundreds, perhaps thousands. But due to good building codes and quality construction the death toll from that earthquake was very low. You live in a country that has taken steps to making daily life much safer.
I also think that the breakup is a big factor in your darkness.
Gentle hugs
Can I offer a suggestion? Its about your screen name. I had a screen name once that was "ihatemylife" and everytime I logged in....I had a deep sadness.
Yours is brokenpieces...I wonder if that is a constant reminder for you when you log in...that you feel broken ?
I'm not sure it sounds like you have a death wish but a preoccupation with death.
Possibly watch some comedy shows on tv and leave the news off for a while? Comedy always lifts my mood....whether I want it to be lifted or not. Best wishes.
Yes, we're all going to die sooner or later. A bigger affront is not having fully lived while you were here. All we have is today. Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow, who knows...I realize it sucks to be dumped from a relationship, but I think you've invested too much value into a relationship with another human being, when the only relationship that counts is the relationship you have with yourself. Your poor relationship with yourself projected onto him, he realized he couldn't be your end-all/be-all, couldn't be your lifeboat to continually hoist you out of your depression, couldn't handle it, so finally left. You have to draw on your own inner spiritual resources to be happy and you have to DO things to be happy, exercise, find hobbies that you enjoy, that bring you pleasure, that make you feel productive, and be socially proactive, always look for people in your own neighborhood to talk with.
And yes, turn off the news, after 2 minutes. Watch just enough to get informed, then turn it off. That crap is nothing but negative, and negative is what sells. It's good for the news network's ratings, not for your happiness and peace of mind. Watch sitcoms and other material that is funny instead. Empathize with people's problems in a funny way. Choose to focus on the love and beauty that exists in the world all around you. It's Springtime, for God's sake, the birds are chirping, there is much natural beauty in the world waiting to be enjoyed!