first off u have every right to be pissed off you have ptsd and it sucks. u need to allow the anger to have its say. the sadness to make you cry. we are taught from a young age these emotions are bad, we most be positive. no these emotions need to be acknowledged.
when you acknowledge what you are feeling and tell yourself it is ok to feel this way it can be very freeing. it helped me move on

Thank you

Taken, reading this helped me feel a little less alone and hopeless. I recommend , from experience maybe using that pain or nothingness and try to create something from it. Whether it be art, or make youraelf a creative outfit based on your style, or make your favorite food. Or what i do is try to ride out the empty feeling of feeling so broken down and sad by just going through with it by distracting myself. Netflix, my favorite foods, music, reading lyrics, singing to my favorite songs even if i cant sing, solitaire....you are beautiful in your own way dont ever compare yourself with your sister. Just because shes outgoing doesnt mean shes better in any way. I was shy once and was chunky and scared to talk to anyone before. And my sister was always the popular favorite who got a quincinera, and no one threw me one, or acknowledged me. Then i decided to stop letting myself feel i was a nobody. Create your confidence, you got this. It will be hard, like walking through a pile of muck but it will be worth it in the end if you can cross to the other side where your path is leading to your destination of who you want to be and where you want to go. What also helped me is imagining who i wanted to be one day. Not just physically. I meam mentally and spiritually and career wise, and you can think about yourself being loved and appreciated. Essentially trying to create your ideal future of how you want to be treated

You can’t hurry love (song by Phil Collins)

I need love, love,
Ooh, ease my mind
And I need to find fine
Someone to call mine

My mama said "You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait"
She said "Love don't come easy
But It's a game of give and take"

"You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
Just trust in the good time
No matter how long it takes"

How many heartaches must I stand?
Before I find the love to let me live again
Right now the only thing that keeps me hanging on
Is to feel my strength, you know it's almost gone

But remember mama said "You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait"
She said "Love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take"

How long must I wait?
How much more must I take?
Before loneliness
'Cause my heart, heart to break

And no, I can’t bear to live my life alone
I grown impatient for a lover to call my own
Oh when I feel that I, I can't go on
You don't feel my state

You know I'm almost gonna remember mama said
"You can't hurry love
Oh, you'll just have to wait"
She said "Love don't come easy

It's a game of give and take"
"You can't hurry love
Oh, you'll just have to wait
Just trust in the good time

No matter how long it takes", and now break
When love, love don't come easy
I know I keep on waiting
Anticipating for that soft voice

To talk to me at night
For some tender arms
Hold me tight
I keep waiting
(Ooh, till that day)

But it ain't easy
(Love don't come easy
No, you know it ain't easy
My mama said
"You can't hurry love
Oh, you'll just have to wait"
She said "Love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take"
"You can't hurry love
Oh, you'll just have to wait
Just trust in the good time
No matter how long it takes"

http://www.metrolyrics.com/you-cant-hurry-love-lyrics-phil-collins.html

Girls just wanna have fun (song by Cyndi Lauper)

I come home, in the mornin' light
My mother says "When you gonna live your life right?"
Oh momma dear, we're not the fortunate ones
And girls, they wanna have fun
Oh girls just wanna have fun...

The phone rings, in the middle of the night
My father yells "What you gonna do with your life?"
Oh daddy dear, you know you're still number one
But girls they wanna have fun
Oh girls just wanna have

That's all they really want...
Some fun...
When the workin' day is done
Oh girls, they wanna have fun
Ho hoo girls just wanna have (girls) fun (they want)
(Wanna have fun)
(Girls)
(Wanna have)

Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest o' the world
I wanna be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls, they wanna have fun
Ho hoo girls just wanna have

That's all they really want...
Is some fun...
When the workin' day is done
Oh girls, they wanna have fun
Oh girls just wanna have (girls) fun (they want)
(Wanna have fun)
(Girls)
(Wanna have)

They just want, they just wanna (girls)
They just want, they just wanna (girls just wanna have fun)
Oh girls

Girls just wanna have fun
(Just want, they just wanna)
They just want, they just wanna (girls)
They just want, they just wanna (girls just wanna have fun)
Girls, girls just wanna have fun

When the workin'
When the workin' day is done
Oh, when the workin' day is done
Oh, girls
Girls just wanna have fun

They just want, they just wanna (girls)
They just want, they just wanna (girls just wanna have fun)
Oh, girls

Girls just wanna have fuun
(They just wanna, they just wanna)
When the workin'
When the working day is done (they just want, they just wanna)
Oh, when the working day is done (oh, girls)
(Girls just wanna have fun)
Oh, girls
Girls just wanna have fun
(They just want, they just wanna)

http://www.metrolyrics.com/girls-just-wanna-have-fun-lyrics-cyndi-lauper.html