Big hug Kikio

You matter lot sweetie but I think you're right with regards to a lot of people know very little about depression and what to do about it or handle it

I think for many it just comes down to a lack of knowledge

I found talking to professionsls or peer support was most helpful to me

Years ago I was in a cognitive group and it was wonderful

Be kind to you K. You deserve it
....xo

Big giant soft hugs Kikio. I am 57 and I hsve felt this way as well. It is so hard to make friends and deep connections that you speak of usually come from childhood or college or even work. Outside of that i think you have to try to participate in things you like with others. Find fommon intetests that u can bond with.
You are forming those deep cinnections right here right now. Even though we are not physically there...we are HERE FOR YOU!!
I am here for you. (((()))) It is true prople are mostly interested in themselves and not the deeper subjects unfortunately. It is sad but true. Finding someone ypu have fommon interests with is a great starting point. A club or group or meetup group. Ypu csn even form your own group on meetup.com. Then you can find things in common and mive on to more serious topics later.

You are here for a reason. Share tge special gifts that make you unique and brudh those off that are not supportive but drag you down. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! ((((HUGS))))

Kikio, I am sorry you are feeling depressed.

I saw some of your old posts, are you still married? How are things with your husband?

I agree with Suncloud that most people don't seem to want to talk about depression or anxiety. I have tried talking about my anxiety with family members even (since I've read many times that 25% of anxiety is most likely hereditary, and at least 2 of my very close family members also have bad anxiety), and they just brush me off... they don't want to even talk about it. So, I gave up trying to talk about it with them.

If it's regarding a new person you're talking to, or even someone you don't know that well, I would suggest not bringing it up real soon. I have told a potential new friend that I have anxiety, and I never heard from them again. So you are not alone in this. Some/most people just feel uncomfortable, and they don't know what to say back.

How are things going with your SSRI medication? Is it helping your depression at all?

You matter to us. That's why it's good to be on a support group page like this one. :-)

I think almost everyone has some degree of anxiety and depression. I have server depression and feel endanger when I go to work.( its schizophrenia) I told my friends about it. They did not run. I think many people when hearing people's problems they get scare. Because they have not study about it. I like listening to people's problems. Thats why I was planning to be a counselor went I was in college. So I think there are people who understand your problems.

Kikio, I’m sorry you do not have the support system you need and deserve. You matter and people here on DS would notice, including myself.

I have felt the same. …I’ve also noticed that people tend to run from that they do not understand or know how to deal with. It’s easier for them I guess. Not everyone is like that though. Keep trying and feel better soon.

Yes. I am still married. He's a great guy, loves me, but he doesn't understand my depression at all. Most of the time I try to hide it from him, when I can. I pretend to be tired and go to bed, or slip into a dark closet to cry.
I do this because my depression hurts him, and I don't want that. Somehow he always thinks it's his fault if I'm depressed. Like somehow he's failing or not doing enough for me to know I'm safe, and loved, then his ego gets bruised and he gets defensive.

I tell him all the time that it has nothing to do with him. I often don't even know why I'm so sad, or even what I'm sad about. So it's Nothing he did, or failed to do....and realistically, nothing he can do to ",fix" me.
It's just not that simple. A combination of biology, family history, childhood trauma, abuse ... All well before I met him.
(I wrote my first suicide note when I was 10 )

After weeks of arguing about it. He did finally agree to attend a mental health seminar with me that our church is hosting. Hope that will help his understanding.

I'm still taking my meds we recently upped the dose. It helps. I definitely still have episodes but 1-3 days at a time is still a great improvement over weeks at a time or longer.

I think they help me to not act on my darker thoughts.

Im so very thankful and glad for all of you here in DS.
It's the only place I actually feel safe being truly open about what I'm thinking and feeling.

I'm even somewhat guarded with my therapist.

I don't know if this would actually happen, but I'm afraid if I told her everything she's send me the hospital or something.

Good morning Kikio! You seem like a very likeable person to me. I got hit with OCD when I was 19 and 90% of people stuck by me. Actually, only my best friend couldn't handle it but we reunited in the 90's and are friends on Facebook. I recently ran into her daughter and granddaughter at Dollar Tree. She has her Mom's shape. They are Swedish. Anyway, I had a boyfriend who used to say "Remember Brenda, you're not important". I kind of already felt that way and sometimes still do but I am way ahead of the 8 ball most of the time. Things can get better. Knowing that you have a loving husband is wonderful. I have never been married. I am glad that he will go to the seminar with you. It should be an "aha" moment for him. I'm glad that your meds are helping you too. I take meds. Can't live without them. Have a nice day!

Kikio try and be as straight with your therapist if possible so that he/she can help you

Unless you plan to harm yourself or someone else they can't hospitalize you

You can have dark thoughts
Many of us do including me sweetie...

You'd have to state you're going to act on them to be forced to go inpatient

I've been inpatient twice
Once for 2 weeks and once for 3 and it was the best thing that could have happened

Hi again Kikio,

I wish there was an easy and quick fix, but there really isn't anything that can work overnight. Sounds like you are doing all that you can to get yourself better. Good for you! Keep it up!!

There are books that help the partner of a depressed person understand their partner's depression. Maybe it would help if your husband read one of these books? Or easier, might be if you looked on YouTube for a video that helps partners. Watch it first to see if it's a good video, and ask him to watch it. I get so much help from YouTube, and it's available 24/7 and for free.

I'm glad that the medications are helping you. Stick with them.

I agree with Suncloud that your therapist is not looking to make you be an inpatient. I have been in therapy for over 25 years for anxiety, and I find it a "safe place" to be completely honest and open about my feelings, thoughts, hopes, dreams, goals... If you do not feel comfortable opening up to this therapist, maybe you could find another one?

Keep trying. You can and will get better. And keep writing on here, as we understand what you're dealing with.

Kikio, I am happy that you have someone who cares about you enough to try and hope the seminar goes well. It’s important to have the right support.

I understand your fears in being open with your therapist as I have them too. Everyone is correct though, without intent to harm yourself or others, no one can force you to go to the hospital/inpatient.

Hope you’re having a good day today!

You captured the way that many of us feel with your words.
I have been going through some health and family things and have also been depressed. My husband told me tonight that it was hard for him to hear me cry and hear about how depressed I am.
I then felt even more isolated and told him so. I had to educate him by explaining that if someone is depressed it is unhelpful to tell me that it's hard for him. I'm sure it is, hard for him. I suggested that he take a ride and he did. I called my 86 year old aunt who has been depressed and she said all of the right things. She also reminds me that a light shines in through the slight crack under the door.
It's very challenging when you are suffering to hear someone say that it's hard for them to take or they don't want to hear it and you should just get busy. It makes me feel like it is not safe to express my emotions. That is where the feeling of being a burden come in. I am guessing that many people in this group really get it. It is different than having that person who gets you, is routing for you and wants to see you. I hear and get what you are saying.
..

I love all you guys!!
Thank you all so much for being so understanding and supportive

It's such a huge help to have you to talk to .
People I can be unguardedly honest with.
Thank you!!

You are important to God, His Son came to earth risked it all and died so you could be saved and spend eternity with God. But he also uses His intervention and support to support and help you on your journey in life.