Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
My day started pretty good. I got my garden tilled yesterday and planted today. Having a garden is a lot of work and sometimes I think why bother? I'm feeling really low this evening.
I just feel so much self hate directed towards myself. I am so frustrated with my situation in life. I feel weak. I hate trying to make excuses or understand myself or why I have inflicted so much hate and punishment on myself. It's starting to spread to other people. I hate talking to my coworkers and clients. I'm afraid of normal questions they might ask. Questions I have to answer with shame. I hate telling people I'm 27 and still not married. I hate telling people I don't have kids. I even feel some of my coworkers bully me because of this fact. They talk down to me and I can't participate in discussions. That's really mean because I can't have kids and neither can my bf, and even if we could I wouldn't want any with him.
Which brings me to the biggest burden and stress in my life. My boyfriend is a weak piece of shit deadbeat. I often find myself hating him so much, then I feel guilty. I don't think he is ever going to get better. He is an alcoholic but won't admit it. He is a drug addict too but he doesn't think weed counts as a drug so he sneaks behind my back and does it anyway, in my house. He never told me he was into that shit until I caught him with it. Today my mom found evidence of it again. He also is smoking cigarettes again even tho he quit for a year after being in the hospital with a collapsed lung. His blood pressure is sky high. It's like he doesn't even care and has no self control. I despise him for his weakness. It doesn't matter how many times I threaten or beg. So why bother? Should I just give up on love altogether? I miss having a sex life. I miss having hope and feeling close to someone. At the same time I am terrified of being single. I can't put myself thru that pain of a breakup. I still ache from the last one. I can't take the guilt. I can't take this pain everyday. I went all thru highschool and college single, then I had a bf for 6 months with a single dad. Even tho the relationship wasn't healthy and was a mistake, it was 6 months I was alive and normal.
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Hi. This is my first post. I'm here because my husband is an addict and it's having a negative impact on our marriage and my emotional and mental well being. He's an alcoholic who is also addicted to pornography and video gaming. He spends every moment that he isn't at work or sleeping drinking beer, playing his video games, and looking at porn. He's completely pushed me out of his life. We don't...
A proverb I love says that fear of man will prove to be a snare. A snare is not just a phrase- being ensnared is being trapped but google snare. It’s a type of trap that pulls tighter as the captured creature is trying to free itself. Fear of man - this can be fear of what others will say, what they will do, what they will think. Do not let yourself live ensnared to the fear of others. Nancy Guthrie, the author of one of my favorite books, Holding On To Hope, says the only way through pain (and I believe fear also) is through it. Face whT you fear. It will be hard. It may be heart wrenching. You may not like the side of yourself that surfaces as you face your fears or your pain but you will come out on the other side of the tunnel changed, renewed, stronger, wiser, calmer. If you’re religious you may also like the second half of that proverb, “but those who trust in the Lord will be safe.” That brings a whole new element of hope but I’m not here to preach.
You are young...and being young is hard. You’re still doing lots of things for the 1st time but constantly being judged by superiors, coworkers, and others like you’re supposed to have it all figured out. Nobody has it all figured out and definitely not people in their 20’s.
Give yourself a break. You don’t need to chart out the rest of your adult life right now. You 1st have to find your way into a less unhealthy place. The more healthy place will come into focus eventually. You have lots of time for all of that to happen.
I wish you strength and peace in your next steps.
While reading your post, I remember a close friend of mine. When they’re dating, her boyfriend was drinking, gambling, and easily gets angry. They got married hoping the boyfriend will change. It’s been 8 years and things are still the same, most of the time they are fighting even in front of their children. My friend is having a hard time nowadays, thankfully she is surrounded with women who encourage and support her.
I hope you can also talk to someone you can trust and will give you advice that you need. I pray for peace and you will choose to walk in the path that God has prepared for you as you trust in Him. Keep us posted, God bless.
I wish I could find balance instead. I want to learn to be happy in a relationship and learn to enjoy things and take care of myself instead of feeling confined and putting others first. I think that is my problem tho, not his.