I am sorry that happened to you. Sometimes there are people who are NOT better than nothing for us.

Pepperman is right. Don't keep someone around who treats you like crap just to not feel lonely. How will you ever meet someone nice if you're wasting your time with the mean person? I'm sorry you're feeling bad :(

Hi Drew,
I feel bad that you have that type of relationship with your ex. I know how it is to be lonely and believe that it's better to be with someone (anyone?) to ease that loneliness, however, as you said yourself, that you felt lonely within the relationship. Over the years I've learned that is worse than being alone. I have filled some of my time with caring friends/ relatives where I feel nurtured and hope you can find the same until you meet a person who is worth you! Meanwhile, my heart goes out to you. This forum is a good start!
Shana

Are you sure you'd rather be miserable with her than on your own, should she find you of use at some point in her future?

If you are that miserable alone, you will always be at someone's mercy.
You can't change users and people that enjoy hurting others, but you can change yourself and become someone that refuses to use loneliness as an excuse to become so desperate that you'll put up
with anything. You have complete control over how much you value yourself.
======================================================
"Examine what you tolerate."

time to reach out to friends and furry companions to feel better and ignore that person. Emotional vampires are a disease!

Make some friends.

Thanks for all of your replies. Many of you know that I am a widower. This was my first relationship besides my late wife in 10 years. I have to relearn how to date and not show how I feel for someone too soon. She took advantage of my vulnerability. She's going through some hard times right now. She has a heart condition and she just found out her son has the same thing. She is stressed out and she uses me as a punhing bag. I am not making excuses for her because all I wanted was to help her through this troubling time. But she just takes out all of her anger on me. And on top of all that her daughter has been sick for the past 3 months and they are stressing about cheerleader tryouts. She told me she didn't have time for me instead of letting me help out with any of it. I care for her a lot but she does nothing but suck the happiness from me.

I was in the exact same situation until me and my boyfriend split a month ago. He wasn't abusive but he didn't care, didn't try, he used me for so many things..my love, affection, money. I let him because i have no self esteem and no self worth. I'm not sure how to get those things back but i've realized that self esteem is everything, when we don't care about ourselves we let people like this make us feel worse.

I am happily married with children but still feel lonely regarding other people - its a tough state of mind to get out of. Try to calm down and concentrate on some (positive) activity that makes you happy, even if its just walking, keeping fit, feeding the ducks in the park. Watching TV doesn't count. as ChelsNom says self esteem is important.
Good luck

Hey sweetie.

This particular sentence you wrote struck me..

I know that if she wants back in my life that I will let het but I know that all she has ever caused me is greif.

Drew, why? Why let someone who has only ever caused you grief back in your life? To get some more grief? You know how much I care about you and I'm not trying to be harsh, but you are such a good guy and you've been through so much pain and loss, you sure don't need someone in your life who uses you and treats you badly. You deserve to have someone in your life to love who loves and respects you and APPRECIATES YOU. I'm sorry you are feeling so lonely, but there are good women out there. Take some time to take care of you. Do you still ever do things with the social group like go bowling or to movies? If not, maybe start doing that again? Just do things to get out there and socialize and have some fun? You deserve much better . Big hugs and love.

LMT

Why let her back in then? I am a big on to talk, but did it myself and am miserable. God, I was so stupid for getting back in this. Now he is dying and I am the only one to take care of him. I can't do anything now about it. I feel bad for the way I feel, but it is the truth. Don't walk backwards keep going forward,.

I'm sorry to say this because I don't want to hurt you, but it sounds like she was on the rebound. Those are bad relationships to get into because more times then not, the other person goes back to the person their rebounding from. Don't take it seriously and don't let her hurt you. I have been on the same side as you and it's hurtful, but please remember that it's not you, it's her. Hugs GB

Drew, I'm of the opinion at the moment that romantic love is a crock of shit (whoever loves the most hurts the most, and puts themselves in the position of being a doormat, a "second choice", as you said), and friendship is better. And you're not alone--we're here for ya, aren't we? And you could make even more friends in person. Just keep being brave and keep opening up!

Thanks all of you for your comments. I decided to remove her from my life completely. I know that I didn't deserve the way she treated me but I am not going to say that it was all her fault. I tried to push things instead of letting things happen naturally. I am not going make that mistake again in future relationships. I focused on what could be instead of the present. I jumped way ahead of where we were at and it pushed her away. I am in a bad place in my life and I wanted a bit of love and emotional support, sure I get that from many of you here but I wanted more. I wanted to make love again. I wanted to kiss and cuddle and be happy again. I was for the first couple of weeks but that's when things started to go in the crapper. I know that when I start dating again I will have to focus on the present and not the future. I will try and enjoy the time that I have with them and if I don't feel a connection with them then it is time to move on. I know that if I got back out there now and started dating again I would be hung up on her so I am going to take some time and get over her. I actually choose ro be alone now so it's not as bad as it was.

I'm glad you are going to take care of your heart. You are a very good looking man, I can see a lot of hurt in your eyes that shouldn't be there and the right woman will come along when the time is right. Learn to love yourself, be comfortable with being by yourself, and then all of a sudden, she will be there. As I said before, I believe she was on the rebound and you were the bait. Don't let ANY woman do that to you, you don't deserve it. Have faith sweety. Hugs GB