Have you been put on medication? You should see a psychiatrist. They can prescribe something.
You may have to try different drugs before finding the right one for you.

Hi.first realise suicide is a permanent consequence for an impermenant problem.

Next realise that the way you feel is an chemical imbalance in your body. Its not your fault.

Ask someone to make an apointment at a DR. I know you dont have the energy to do it yourself.
You need to check your Levels of Vitamin B12,Iron and VitaminD3.
Low on any of these can cause symptoms like yours.i once had a severe B12 deficency and was severly depressed.

Next spending time outdoor even if you hate going outside. Moving helps... Emotions means energy in motion...if you dont move nothing can get into motion

If blood tests are normal ask someone to find a good psychiatrist for you & see if medication can help. I have bipolar disorder & I take Quetiapin for example....

Ask someone for help because I know it feels impossible to do it yourself right now.
Everything is impermenant you can do this. There is a reason why you are alive otherwise you would never have been born.stay curious to life :-) love from switzerland

I'm so sorry you've arrived at this torturous, joyless time of your life. In the past, I've had these feelings too. I didn't want to die, was scared to experience death, but I didn't want to live the life I had any more. 16 years later, I do suffer depression but my I do value my life.

You've decided you can't die, so you might as well try to get SOMETHING out of being alive. Is there really nothing you can do for yourself, no matter how small? Little distractions to start with. For me, cleaning, tidying surroundings, writing lists (a journal, tasks to do), watching tv or reading helps. Talking online can relieve loneliness. I know you said visits to the Dr are not helping, perhaps they haven't found the right treatment for you yet. Why not try again?

I hope you can find the help you need.

I felt the same way for 3 yrs. Almost never left my bed. Didn't go outside, didn't eat well, didn't talk to anyone unless I had to. Always fatigued. Drs checked me and said they couldn't find anything serious. Well, a few weeks ago, I found out that I had parasites. Gross! But it's the truth. Don't know how I got them or how long I've had them but they were killing me. I'm sure that's not my only problem but they were a big cause of a number of my issues. I hope you find out why you're feeling the way you do. That's the first step in helping yourself.

I'm severely depressed...have been for at least eight years...but this year it has gone from bad to worse...its so bad that I don't even care anymore...the only thing I think about is how sad I am and how it is never gonna get any better...I don't want it to get better, I just want it to end but that can't happen because I don't care to do anything about anything....I don't have nothing to live for...I need help but there is no one to help me...Ive managed to push everyone away and now, that I need help, there is no one there to help me...
And these are the thoughts that race through my mind day and night...especially at night...and I just want them to stop but I don't know how to make them stop and so I am stuck just being severely depressed...and I literally feel like I am going crazy...actually more like I am insane...what is the definition of insanity? doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result...yeah! that is what I do...so clearly, I am insane...
Gloom
Despair
Agony
Deep dark depression
Excessive misery...

Gosh Depressed Recluse, that kind of life could get a person down.

I wonder have you been correctly diagnosed? I ask because nobody noticed my generalised anxiety disorder until it had got so bad I couldn't open the mail. everyone had me pegged as depressed only. And yet anxiety is totally different.

I ask because you're having fixated thoughts. and that was something I put down to my anxiety/mild ocd at the time, and was not a feature of the depression.

the depression gave me periods of hysteria, terrible sense of grief and pointlessness, and just the desire to lie in bed and cry. If I hadn't had to work, I would have just lain in bed and cried. Which is probably a totally fine thing to do with it. I think depression has a lot to do with energy.

But the overthinking? i wonder if it's anxiety. And the obsessive thoughts of killing yourself - that might be OCD. There's a different medication for it.

I can relate to these feelings, mine do get better with medication now, but not back when I was stuck working at a horrible place at a job that was already difficult enough, but on top of that management was horrible as well. I still have those feelings, if I get off my meds, but they are better controlled when I take my medication. Still the least little things can send me spiralling.

please be careful with anti-depressants I took them for years they made me want to kill myself and just last month a good friend who has been on them forever hung himself. They make it worse I took the for 15 yrs and said no more with no relief. I do therapy counseling but its most likely related to those damn hormones which at the moment have me, out of my mind, depressed, anxious, nausea, over the top bad moods it just awful. I take many herbs they don't help. I am buying honey made with THC and another with CBD I hear this CBD helps well with depression and anxiety but our ass backwards government are too busy trying to help men get an erection. I will let you know how it makes me feel. In Hawaii our dispensaries are promised but non existant so I buy illegally but will glady go to jail for it if it helps.

I can remember all too easily when I had gotten so sick that I had given up. It's a hard place to come out of. I've seen you around before so I am going to assume you've already tried the litany of medication that is out there and that nothing has worked. Am I right? Have you tried ECT's? How about supplements? I started taking supplements about two weeks ago and can feel a difference. If you're interested I take a multivitamin, B complex, Vitamin D3, calcium, magnesium, gingko biloba, and garlic. I know you said you dont' even want to get better at this point, but you have also said you aren't going to kill yourself so while you're in limbo why not try something? Anything? Oh and I also use a protein powder.

I'm so sorry you feel this way. You are not worthless. I find that distracting myself helps so much. When I was reading about depression once I found that the two biggest risk factors for suicide are passivity and isolation. Keeping that in mind, I agree with the previous poster that finding something do to will be a helpful distraction. And as for isolation, you said you pushed people in your life away, but I'm here. I don't know you but I'm happy to listen if you want to talk.