Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hey, I haven't been on here for a long while. I think I didn't post anything here for months. I left this place for a while because, I'm only talking about myself, it looked like to me that I was being too much of a downer. There are people with real and more serious bad times. Nothing out of the ordinary ever happend to me besides the Hurricanes Katrina, Rita, and Gustav, the flood in Baton Louisiana during Aug. 2016. Other than that I had a normal life. It looked like that to me, I felt as though I only had bad days and negative thoughts to vent instead of anything nice to say. So, I decided not to post any of that or talk about it except to my counselor.
Meanwhile, I would use my journal irl. As for my username, Somedepressedguy, I think it stinks. IRL, don't want to be depressed forever. Being depressed shoud not define me, but I went ahead and gave myself the username anyway. I don't want to be known as some depressed guy. I never paid that much attention to my username in the first place. It may be just a username, but it's sort of how I'm identified since I chose it in the first place.
I first got here because I was following a suggestion from a hotline called Crisis Text Line for the USA. I'm not going to give too much of a long sob story. Long story short, I felt like acting on killing myself, I contacted the hotline, and in the end, they gave me this website as a suggestion to help with coping. I took their suggestion, but I was still upset at myself at the time. So, I thought to myself in an offensive and sarcastic way, "Why not just give myself the name, SomeDepressedGuy?! Why not?! Apparently, I'm going through a lot even though I have a normal life that a lot of people would kill for! Do I even have depression?!"
I would normally say things like that to myself on a daily basis, I still do among other hurtful things. Looking at my username now, I think it may be too self-deprecating. On the other hand, I could be overthinking this. The truth is, I picked out the username to insult myself and not to make light of the people who have depression. I want to say that I am sorry for offending anyone if I did. I came crawling back here because I was feeling like I neither had any business being alive nor belonging anywhere at all. I tend to think like that on a daily basis as well.
Yet, today, the feelings were stronger than usual. I wanted to kill myself again today. I only stopped because I still live with my mother and my siblings and one of them was walking by at the time. I came back here to follow the suggestion from the hotline to give it another try. They wanted me to come here to vent and express myself as a way to cope in the first place. I don't think I can guarantee posting here often. Most of the time, I don't have anything positve to say. I realized now that I have inadvertently pushed people away. They were people in real life and online including other websites who reached out to me. That was a long time ago. So, I don't an apology is going to help now.
Anyway, while I was gone, I learned that even a small bit of positivity could go a long way like exercising. I won't see any changes for a while, but it's actually doing a little good. Yet, irl, I'm afraid if I do say anything positive it would sound insincere, fake, or sarcastic. So most of time, I don't say much irl. Anyway, I was thinking about figuring out how to change my username. Maybe I'm taking this too seriously or maybe I'm having an identity crisis, but I feel as though I want to change my username. I was thinking about changing it to something plain and not too different like SomeAverageGuy092 or something. I don't have many ideas. I'm open to suggestions. It feels fine to be back. Thank you for reading.
Anyway, I feel similarly to you in that I’m uncomfortable with posting in groups and usually journal instead- I would suggest you simply use this site as an online journal, but you already have a physical one. In any case, don’t feel held up to an expectation to say nice things. For many people this is a place to ask for help or support. And having a “perfectly ordinary” life from the outside doesn’t mean you won’t need that.
Your struggles are as valid as anyone else's (unless the house is on fire...and you need to pull someone out NOW in order for them not to be hurt).
Once outside on the lawn...your issues are as valid as theirs.
You wrote, "I'm afraid if I do say anything positive it would sound insincere, fake, or sarcastic." Let me respectfully disagree. Books like How to Win Friends and Influence People talk about the benefits of positiviity, genuine compliments, and being a good friends. So listening and complimented is not likely to be criticized.
I was bullied early on in life and that was somewhat unfair. Later, I had a son and he had a wonderful life which I enjoyed, captain of sports team, etc. My point is that there may be some nice things in life coming.
I just finished reading the Bridge Ladies, a book about the author's mother and friends, and the struggles in their lives. That prompted me to read a second book by the author, Betsy Lerner, where she talks about her prior suicide attempts, hospitalization, and other life challenges. (Lerner, Food and Loathing) . While people who are depressed may minimize their contributions, her books are insightful and sometimes inspirational. Things can get better.
I don't see myself actually coming here that often anyway. This place is great, but now a days, I either go to my physical journal or my counselor for any personal problems most of the time. Yet, I'm fine with using the online journal here sometimes.
I currently have a counselor. He said he wanted to try something called cognitive behavior therapy. I used to be a lot worse to myself in the past. So, it looks like the counseling is working.
I do feel a little glimmer of hope for the future, but it's only a little bit. Yet, it's a lot bigger than how I used to feel.