Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I'm lying in bed now and can't sleep . I know I can't kill myself tonight since I'm in bed and parents are home .but my head just won't accept that it isn't an option.the outpatient program I'm in has a crisis line but I don't see the point to calling one I'm not going to die tonight but 2 my parents hear the whole thing and freak out
I don't know what to do .i don't think I will be able to sleep unless I do somthing to Atleast hurt myself :(
I'm going to give you some insight that I wish I had when I was in your position.
1. The shit thing about where you are now, is that it's hard to see when or how it's going to get better. But trust me it gets better. You just have to really want to get better and actually believe you can do it. I was stubborn, I decided I wasn't going to get help or talk to anyone. I was so mad that depression was taking over my life that I turned it into determination to get my happiness back all by myself. Don't let it win. It's so hard!! Trust me, but my proudest moment is getting through that shit period of my life where I hated myself, where I tried to kill myself multiple times and then did the same and instead hurt myself because I couldn't do it or find the right time to do it.
2. Don't do that to your parents, do you know what's worse than hearing your child trying to commit suicide? Finding the body. That doesn't mean be more creative...it means hang in there, try so hard to hang on because if you think you're hurting and dying on the inside - think how they'll feel. They will blame themselves, question what they did wrong, cry that they didn't help you sooner.
3. The hard part - how to move on. How to stick your rude finger up at depression and claim your life back. Here are some tips that worked for me;
- Keep writing. I had no one I could trust to talk to so the best way to get through the pain was to write it all out. I have a box full of entries documenting every single bad moment/every time I wanted to give up/tried to give up/hurt myself etc. It's a therapeutic outlet. Cry it and write it out.
- Here is a great place to write journals or even posts like this where people going through the same thing or have gone through the same thing (me) can give advice and support. You might not know us, but we are here to help you so feel free to smash some feelings out here.
- The sleepless nights are shit, but the less sleep you get the more tired you'll be and the deeper you will fall into the blackhole (how I used to describe the bottomless pit of depression) So I recommend try going to bed an hour earlier (even 30 minutes earlier) and throwing headphones into your ears and crying into your pillow...or even writing how you feel with some tunes going. It will make you sleepy, and you'll feel good getting it out. There's nothing wrong with having a cry..
- Avoid hurting yourself. I got into the habit of reaching for anything sharp to punish myself with (especially when I couldn't end it all together). I got into this habit thinking I deserved it. I was so full of hatred for myself and I'm not sure if that's the same for you - but whatever is causing you to want to do it...ask yourself why? Think if you tried to explain it why you hurt yourself to your parents, do you think they'd agree you deserve it?
- Most importantly, what got me through it was keeping busy. Don't stay holed up in your room, I realised that was my biggest downfall. I isolated myself from my family and friends, from the things I love doing. I just gave up. But despite me pushing everyone away at the time, my family still love me and hold me close. My friends are still there for me even though they never knew why I pushed them away. And I returned to doing things I love like art and writing, and soccer and now I'm working and I love it. So basically - stay busy! It's a slow transition and you take the steps you want at your own pace. Start doing things you like first; e.g. Writing, taking pictures, making/listening to music etc. and then ease yourself into people/going out etc.
Don't give up, please. I understand completely how you feel, even if I don't know your reasons behind it all. But I'm here for you (If I wasn't, I wouldn't have written you a novel!!!). Your post stopped my heart, and threw me back to the time I felt like that....and I promise you it gets easier. It just takes a stupid amount of time, but there are great wins along the way and you'll feel happiness take over that shit feeling. Please keep fighting so you can stick your finger up at depression, you deserve to be happy!