Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I don't know what to make of this. It's been two years and still I'm having nightmares about him, I can't shake the feeling that I've lost something and more importantly I don't feel like myself.
I've almost died, after what happened, I became suicidal and I wanted everything to just end after what had happened. Basically I was sexually harrassed, forced to do things that I wish I could take back. I wish I could just be the dumb kid who never kissed a boy or even just be the girl who never had a boyfriend before. I feel so ashamed that I can't just tell my Dad what had happened or even punch that asshole in the face after forcing his sexual fantasies onto me.
I would have nightmares. Horrible nightmares. I would be getting raped by him and I would wake up in the middle of the night and I would throw up out of disgust. After he left, I spun out of control and attempted suicide. That was two years ago, but the nightmares persist and I don't feel safe around men or even being in a relationship with anyone. I don't want to have sex, I don't want to get married anymore, and I feel like I've lost my religion.
Why can't I just go back to being that kid who complained about boys not liking her?
You've made this too big for you to cope with. But you can make it small, too. It's all a matter of perspective.
Now is a time for you to learn how to let your body process its experiences. And you can't do that with internal monologues. You have to let your body process things without interference. If you don't feel like getting married right now don't get married right now. If you don't want a boyfriend right now, don't be in one right now. If you don't feel like sex right now, don't have sex right now.
read novels. live a little through other people's lives. There's no time pressure. You don't have anywhere to be.
Male mammals are driven by sex. Some can control it, some don't manage to so well. It's a biological imperative, not a human activity. It's more fundamental to us than humanity is, we have only been humans for 10,000 yrs. We've been procreating for millions.
You need to take a huge step back from yourself. Think about the God's eye view. What does he see?
He sees everything. How do you think he stacks it all up? How do you think he sees your life compared to say, idi amin, or pol pot. How do you think he sees your boyfriend's actions compared, say, to Genghis Khan?
Look at it all, take a step back from it. Read "Candide" by Voltaire. It's short.