Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
You might recall me having issues with my Aunt. She had a heart attack 4 months ago today and has gone from hospital to rehab again and again. Her daughter makes arrangements behind the scenes but doesn't let her mother in on anything. She has only visited a few times and rarely calls. Yesterday my Aunt said the rehab put her oxygen on 2 rather than 5. She said she was having a real hard time breathing and couldn't talk. I wrote to her daughter, who has medical power of attorney, and asked that she call the rehab. A few minutes later, I got a reply. It was from her husband telling me that my cousin had been through enough with my Aunt who he called by first name. He said his wife was not responsible for my Aunt's medical health and needed a break from my Aunt's demands. He said they will check in next week. I have thought of so many comebacks. Most of them have the "f" word in them. My cousin is a frigging psychologist but she can't handle a little contact with her mother? I am crying again. When my Mom passed away, I spent almost every day checking on my Dad and sharing meals with him. This went on for almost 19 months. He was a cantankerous man with a cough that hurt my ears but I made it my business to be there almost every day. I cannot begin to tell you all that I have done for my Aunt since her husband passed away in 2004. She can drain the life out of you with her depressing stories and complaints. I did it because her kids didn't. I had a nervous breakdown last year, partially because of my Aunt. But I have not abandoned her. I am so upset with my cousin. Poor little fragile thing! That's your effing mother!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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I invited Bill to have dinner with me last Sunday. He wasn't willing to drive 7 hours to mid Michigan and teased me with his beautiful ribs!!! So, of course I ate alone and had cedar salmon
Without question you have done more than your fair share of caretaking when it comes to your aunt and she is no doubt a manipulative person who is not pleasant to be around. Please know that I have read and understood this in your posts and it's clear that you have been treated poorly by her.
From your post, it doesn't sound like your cousin asked you to pick up the slack or continue to take care of your aunt the way you have been thought. What it does sound like though, is that your cousin has drawn some very clear boundaries for HERSELF. She can no longer put up with her mother who is manipulative, needy and not very nice. She has decided for herself that she will check in on her mother next week and that she will do what is mentally healthy for herself.
You have a choice now. You can continue to care for your aunt the way you have been - though it doesn't sound like you have been explicitly asked to, or you can choose to take care of yourself whatever that looks like for you.
Taking care of ourselves isn't always easy. It often means setting boundaries that make other people upset - kind of like you're upset with your cousin. Your anger is legitimate, but it's still ok for your cousin to do what she needs to do.
If you choose to take better care of yourself, that may mean your aunt or maybe even your cousin gets angry at you, but that's ok. They are adults and responsible for their own emotions, just like you are responsible for yours.
Your aunt will be cared for just fine at the rehab. The choice of how you move forward right now is completely yours. It's a little scary, and also a little freeing, but I know you've done a lot of soul searching around this issue and you'll do what's best for yourself.
Hugs and peace to you
you cry all you need to and I think it was rude of cousins husband to respond to you the way he did.....if she is power of medical authority then she is being neglectful to not help....