Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I will start by saying that depression is nothing new for me. It's something I have struggled with for years, but up till recently, it was some thing I was dealing with rather well. Now, for no reason I can put my finger (because in reality, nothing has changed but my reactions to the everyday) I seem to be unable to cope with things that were giving me little trouble before.
The extreme swings between feeling good and getting into a depressive state are happening more frequently and more violently than ever before. The way I'm feeling, you'd think I'd never taken steps to get better - all the meds and counselling seem to be in vain.
Today, I was so all over the place emotionally that I could barely bring myself to get to work because I simply didn't think I'd be able to function (which is exactly what ended up happening). I couldn't focus on anything because my mind going from feeling shitty about my life to loathing myself for getting to this point. It's frightening to feel that it's affecting my job and relationships and that I may do something that I won't be able to fix (like ruining a friendship or losing my job) which will, of course, only make things feel worse.
And worse than the general feeling of having no control over my depression or self-loathing is the overwhelming hopelessness at the thought that is how it's going to be with me forever. Being up and feeling great only be brought back down to this level by my own body's chemistry... it feels like an unending battle, and it's killing me.
I needed to get this off my chest, and I also hope that some one can give me insight. Does every one battling depression feel this way from time to time? Because I'm starting to feel as though I am going crazy.
The extreme swings between feeling good and getting into a depressive state are happening more frequently and more violently than ever before. The way I'm feeling, you'd think I'd never taken steps to get better - all the meds and counselling seem to be in vain.
Today, I was so all over the place emotionally that I could barely bring myself to get to work because I simply didn't think I'd be able to function (which is exactly what ended up happening). I couldn't focus on anything because my mind going from feeling shitty about my life to loathing myself for getting to this point. It's frightening to feel that it's affecting my job and relationships and that I may do something that I won't be able to fix (like ruining a friendship or losing my job) which will, of course, only make things feel worse.
And worse than the general feeling of having no control over my depression or self-loathing is the overwhelming hopelessness at the thought that is how it's going to be with me forever. Being up and feeling great only be brought back down to this level by my own body's chemistry... it feels like an unending battle, and it's killing me.
I needed to get this off my chest, and I also hope that some one can give me insight. Does every one battling depression feel this way from time to time? Because I'm starting to feel as though I am going crazy.
You do have control over your self loathing. As far as having control over your depression, that depends on the type of depression you have, if you are on medication, seeing a therapist, or both. I have been dealing with depression since I was about 5 years old if you can believe that but it has left from time to time. And when it's gone the most, is when I'm not letting the devil push me in that black hole and try to destroy me. I'm glad you got off your chest what was bothering you and I hope you will continue to post and ask questions. Someone will always , or most the time, have the answers you are looking for. It's not an unending battle, it's just a bad patch in the road that needs to be fixed. Keep posting, keep letting us support you, and get help wherever you can. Hugs GB
I never have days when I'm up and feeling great, so I don't know what that's like. Maybe you should check with your doctor to see if there's something else going on.
TAKE SOME TIME OFF
It is essential.
I will, of course, keep posting because I feel so much more hopeful getting to hear other people's experiences and advice!
@etherize: No, I am not sure if I am bi-polar. I brought the subject up with my doctor, though she doesn't think that's the case. She upped my dose and had me screened for bi-polar disorder and am waiting to hear back about results. Fingers crossed, I supposed!
@4myson744: I feel like taking time for me would be nice, and one day I hope to. At the moment, though, having too much time on my own tends to get me down. I feel this need to be distracted as much as possible, so I work late hours and fill up my weekends to bursting with plans. I hope to get to a point again where I feel at peace with myself and my life and being alone feels ok.