Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
So how many of us on here, are currently putting on the ACT, the ACT of pretending to everyone, or just some people that everything is OK, that we aren't spiralling down again, that we aren't at rock bottom, that everything is OK and we are perfectly happy and normal.............
Putting on the ACT is sooooo tiring.....takes it out of me, pretending everything is ok. Those that know me well, don't accept that, see behind the veneer that I put on my face, see behind the way I say everything is OK, and know it isn't.......but not many of those people that can see behind the ACT know what to do to help, and to be honest even if they ask what can we do to help, I wouldn't know what to say - how many of you would? how many of you could say well if you do this or that, then it will make things better.........
I've not had to put on the ACT for a long time now.......and I had forgotten how tiring it could be, and to be honest I don't seem to be convincing many people, so maybe I've forgotten how to put it on as well, must get practicing at it........
These last few months things have gone downhill in my life, and I've seen myself slipping further and further down the tunnel, but couldn't seem to stop it........then things snowballed and now there is no stopping it, almost at the bottom of the pit..........at least when I hit the bottom, I'll know there isn't any further I can go, but how I can be sure the bottom i've hit is the real bottom, and not just a false bottom, one that given another shove, another thing going wrong, will collapse under me and send me into free fall even further...........
A colleague at work's brother recently committed suicide, and they had his funeral this week, and you know what I even caught myself for a brief moment thinking lucky him, he doesn't have to face this crap of a world anymore.....he's free...............that's how close to the bottom i've gotten......then my dog jumped up on me and gave me a soppy kiss, to bring me back to reality and remind me I've got her, and my wife, who care for me, and that I need to keep going for. So like I said, can't be much further I can go - can it.......
Sitting writing this at work, and I hear someone coming towards me, so for now I had better polish off that face, and stick it back on my face, and pretend that for now at least everything is OK, that I'm fine, that all is right with the world.........better find the energy to put on the ACT yet again............
7 more hours and I can get some blissful sleep (hopefully), no doubt be disturbed at some point by my wife needing help with something, like getting dressed, opening a bottle etc....you see she has arthritis and is in chronic flare up at present, is in constant pain, on morphine tablets which zombie fie her and she refuses to take, so has to deal with the pain constantly 24 hours a day 7 days a week......the medication she normally has every 6 weeks which controls the arthritis was stopped 4 months ago due to an infection in her mouth, 4 months on and we are still waiting for a date to have the teeth taken out, and the infection cleaned away.........until then they won't give her her treatment........until then she goes down with infection after infection, and constantly has pleurisy to deal with as well as the arthritis.
So although I'm feeling like crap and have got pulled muscles in my back from helping her to get from sitting to standing and lying to sitting, and turning over in bed, that's nothing compared to the pain she is in.......so I have to put on the ACT, can't even let it slip when at home, and carry on as if everything is OK.
Putting on the ACT is sooooo tiring.....takes it out of me, pretending everything is ok. Those that know me well, don't accept that, see behind the veneer that I put on my face, see behind the way I say everything is OK, and know it isn't.......but not many of those people that can see behind the ACT know what to do to help, and to be honest even if they ask what can we do to help, I wouldn't know what to say - how many of you would? how many of you could say well if you do this or that, then it will make things better.........
I've not had to put on the ACT for a long time now.......and I had forgotten how tiring it could be, and to be honest I don't seem to be convincing many people, so maybe I've forgotten how to put it on as well, must get practicing at it........
These last few months things have gone downhill in my life, and I've seen myself slipping further and further down the tunnel, but couldn't seem to stop it........then things snowballed and now there is no stopping it, almost at the bottom of the pit..........at least when I hit the bottom, I'll know there isn't any further I can go, but how I can be sure the bottom i've hit is the real bottom, and not just a false bottom, one that given another shove, another thing going wrong, will collapse under me and send me into free fall even further...........
A colleague at work's brother recently committed suicide, and they had his funeral this week, and you know what I even caught myself for a brief moment thinking lucky him, he doesn't have to face this crap of a world anymore.....he's free...............that's how close to the bottom i've gotten......then my dog jumped up on me and gave me a soppy kiss, to bring me back to reality and remind me I've got her, and my wife, who care for me, and that I need to keep going for. So like I said, can't be much further I can go - can it.......
Sitting writing this at work, and I hear someone coming towards me, so for now I had better polish off that face, and stick it back on my face, and pretend that for now at least everything is OK, that I'm fine, that all is right with the world.........better find the energy to put on the ACT yet again............
7 more hours and I can get some blissful sleep (hopefully), no doubt be disturbed at some point by my wife needing help with something, like getting dressed, opening a bottle etc....you see she has arthritis and is in chronic flare up at present, is in constant pain, on morphine tablets which zombie fie her and she refuses to take, so has to deal with the pain constantly 24 hours a day 7 days a week......the medication she normally has every 6 weeks which controls the arthritis was stopped 4 months ago due to an infection in her mouth, 4 months on and we are still waiting for a date to have the teeth taken out, and the infection cleaned away.........until then they won't give her her treatment........until then she goes down with infection after infection, and constantly has pleurisy to deal with as well as the arthritis.
So although I'm feeling like crap and have got pulled muscles in my back from helping her to get from sitting to standing and lying to sitting, and turning over in bed, that's nothing compared to the pain she is in.......so I have to put on the ACT, can't even let it slip when at home, and carry on as if everything is OK.
I'm also working three jobs, and unfortunately can't take anytime off, as all I will get is 85.85 a week sick pay and that ain't enough.....we are struggling enough as it is with Jane just getting that....compared to the 200 a week she was getting ! Had 3 nights off my main job last week due to sickness and diarrhoea which I caught there (residential school) and just heard tonight I ain't getting paid for it !!
Anyway thanks guys for your comments, it's good to know that I'm not the only one out there.......