Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
...of how depressed you are and have been for such a long time. I'm devastated and indifferent at the same time.
I had that moment of clarity today. Just now. How did it not happen sooner. I try to journal every day. To process what I'm feeling. I tend to avoid it, distract myself in any way possible, then suddenly I'm alone and I realize I haven't showered in a week, haven't eaten in 2 days, and haven't gotten an ounce of work done in 4 days. I forgot to feed my fish. I let my dog out once every 12 hours and I haven't checked the mail in weeks. Journaling hasn't done me much good because I can't quite figure out what feelings I'm avoiding. I know I need to sit and feel the feeling so I can get past it, but I can't seem to find any feelings at all. Except fatigue. What good is journaling doing for me? Writing about vast emptiness feels so pointless. But here I am. Trying to reach out for something.
You lie there, wondering how you got to this point, recounting all the signs that may have told you that you were headed to this place again. Trying to figure out what you could have done differently, sooner, to stop yourself from sliding. Like a glacier - slow, but too massive to stop or change course - you slide deeper and deeper, vaguely aware but still fuzzy, helpless. Heavy, yet no inertia to stop it or slow it down.
I've been contemplating going back on medication, but the anxiety of spending the money and setting up appointments and proving to people that I really need antidepressants overwhelms me and I feel hopeless.
So I've come here to ask for advice. I want to find a GP who will give me the medicine I need without referring me to a psychiatrist who charges 5x more and has 1/5 of the office hours and gives me half as much time, yet forces me to book appointments twice as often! How does any of that make sense? Can I just have my old psych records from a few years ago transferred over or something? Is that enough to prove I really need this?I'm desperate and indifferent. Only in depression can you feel sadness so deeply and yet feel nothing at all. I'm lost in my depression. Please help me find my way back.
I had that moment of clarity today. Just now. How did it not happen sooner. I try to journal every day. To process what I'm feeling. I tend to avoid it, distract myself in any way possible, then suddenly I'm alone and I realize I haven't showered in a week, haven't eaten in 2 days, and haven't gotten an ounce of work done in 4 days. I forgot to feed my fish. I let my dog out once every 12 hours and I haven't checked the mail in weeks. Journaling hasn't done me much good because I can't quite figure out what feelings I'm avoiding. I know I need to sit and feel the feeling so I can get past it, but I can't seem to find any feelings at all. Except fatigue. What good is journaling doing for me? Writing about vast emptiness feels so pointless. But here I am. Trying to reach out for something.
You lie there, wondering how you got to this point, recounting all the signs that may have told you that you were headed to this place again. Trying to figure out what you could have done differently, sooner, to stop yourself from sliding. Like a glacier - slow, but too massive to stop or change course - you slide deeper and deeper, vaguely aware but still fuzzy, helpless. Heavy, yet no inertia to stop it or slow it down.
I've been contemplating going back on medication, but the anxiety of spending the money and setting up appointments and proving to people that I really need antidepressants overwhelms me and I feel hopeless.
So I've come here to ask for advice. I want to find a GP who will give me the medicine I need without referring me to a psychiatrist who charges 5x more and has 1/5 of the office hours and gives me half as much time, yet forces me to book appointments twice as often! How does any of that make sense? Can I just have my old psych records from a few years ago transferred over or something? Is that enough to prove I really need this?I'm desperate and indifferent. Only in depression can you feel sadness so deeply and yet feel nothing at all. I'm lost in my depression. Please help me find my way back.
I am so sorry to know that you are suffering so much. Nobody should be in so much distress.
I cannot give you advice about doctors appointments or medications, not being in the US.
But your post touched my heart, you are so young, and ought to be happy. I do hope people on here can give you the advice you need.
I am simply reaching out, as one human being to another, and telling you that you are not alone.
I care and I feel for you. All of us here know the big black cloud of depression , to a lesser or greater extent.
We support each other, and I hope you will find support too.
Take one day at a time. It will get better, dont give up hope.
Gentle HUGS.
Amazingly enough, I am also from Colorado. Moved to Denver last year after living in the Springs for many years.
I know what you're going throught, as I seem to have slipped way down into depression myself. Your description is eloquent and accurate.
I too just made the decision to go back on meds and weighted the different options for getting a prescription. My GP in Denver was more than happy to prescribe (she is like the most cheerful person in the universe -- kind of annoying) when I told her I had been on them before and depressed on and off for most of my life. I think most GPs will prescribe, but the problem is that their knowledge is limited -- they don't know the ins and outs of the various alternatives. I reconsidered and tried to find a psych. in Denver, but I found that the higher rated ones were not taking new patients. (I saw a psych in Colorado Springs, Dr. Kenneth Gamblin, but he may have retired.) So I'm going with what my GP prescribed.
I know it's hard to make that decision to go back on meds. It was for me. But for some of us, it's the right decision.
Also, there is a wonderful phone service that Coloradoans having mental health issues can call: 844-493-8255. You can talk to a "crisis clinician" or a "peer support" person; both have been helpful to me. Yes they will ask you if you're suicidal. But even if you're not, they will talk to you for a decent amount of time.
Remember that it's depression, which they tell me gets better.
-Ellen
Until I accepted that depression/anxiety is something I cannot control (much like my alcoholism) I didn't start getting better. We cannot get better by will power, or ignoring it. We need other people to help us thru. I many times just wanted them to find the magic pill that just FIXED me. I wasn't at all prepared for the long drawn out journey.
Hang in there sweetie May God keep you safe. You are loved!!