Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I feel like a terrible mother....I have a 3 year old, that i can't take care of because of my mental health issues...he doesn't even live with me anymore, he lives with my mom. I don't even see him that much because we don't even live in the same state...It makes me feel terrible.
But in a way, its better for him. At least he doesn't have to see me have melt downs and anger episodes from my PTSD.. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves a stable environment. It's not healthy for a 3 year old to be around his mother who is yelling, screaming, and having anger episodes...It's not fair to him.
As bad as this sounds... I am keeping him away from me for his own good. I don't want him to be screwed up because i can't control my anger and i don't want him to see me lash out at everyone because of my anger and frustrations. He's a baby still. I want him to enjoy his life.
It's just torture not being able to take care of my own child, who i gave birth to.. I feel like i have given him up or have given up on him.. It makes me feel terrible. But like i said before, i don't want him to know me as the angry, yelling and screaming mother.
I want him to be happy. Even if that means i have to suffer from not seeing him all the time. He's very important to me, and so is his well-being and his mental health. I don't want him to have mental health issues and have to go through hell like i do. I'm trying to protect him. It's the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. I sacrifice my time with him so i don't end up screwing him up.
I miss him all the time. And it makes me feel terrible and bitter on the inside. It makes me feel angry that i had to be abused multiple times in my life to the point where i have this PTSD and other mental health issues... to the point where i can't take care of MY OWN child.
When i see other mothers with their children i just want to die, because i know i will never be that kind of mother. I will never be what he needs. He deserves more than that. I will never be sane. I will always have some type of mental illness. And it makes me sad. And it makes it hard to go on.
Sometimes i feel like he would be much better off without me, and I even think of Suicide from time to time. Not being there for him, It's torture. Its hard to deal with. Its worse than any of the abusive i have ever been put through.
I miss my son, and im a terrible mother. I guess the only good thing to come out of this is that, I am finally working on getting my GED. And im close enough to almost getting it.............
But in a way, its better for him. At least he doesn't have to see me have melt downs and anger episodes from my PTSD.. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves a stable environment. It's not healthy for a 3 year old to be around his mother who is yelling, screaming, and having anger episodes...It's not fair to him.
As bad as this sounds... I am keeping him away from me for his own good. I don't want him to be screwed up because i can't control my anger and i don't want him to see me lash out at everyone because of my anger and frustrations. He's a baby still. I want him to enjoy his life.
It's just torture not being able to take care of my own child, who i gave birth to.. I feel like i have given him up or have given up on him.. It makes me feel terrible. But like i said before, i don't want him to know me as the angry, yelling and screaming mother.
I want him to be happy. Even if that means i have to suffer from not seeing him all the time. He's very important to me, and so is his well-being and his mental health. I don't want him to have mental health issues and have to go through hell like i do. I'm trying to protect him. It's the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. I sacrifice my time with him so i don't end up screwing him up.
I miss him all the time. And it makes me feel terrible and bitter on the inside. It makes me feel angry that i had to be abused multiple times in my life to the point where i have this PTSD and other mental health issues... to the point where i can't take care of MY OWN child.
When i see other mothers with their children i just want to die, because i know i will never be that kind of mother. I will never be what he needs. He deserves more than that. I will never be sane. I will always have some type of mental illness. And it makes me sad. And it makes it hard to go on.
Sometimes i feel like he would be much better off without me, and I even think of Suicide from time to time. Not being there for him, It's torture. Its hard to deal with. Its worse than any of the abusive i have ever been put through.
I miss my son, and im a terrible mother. I guess the only good thing to come out of this is that, I am finally working on getting my GED. And im close enough to almost getting it.............
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Do you think anxiety is genetic or comes from your environment? What are your thoughts?
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Many of you know Mr K told me to "shut your mouth" in March 2025 when we took a road trip to Alpena Michigan. Since that time, we have had lots of ups and downs but I have never intentionally hurt Mr K in anyway. And when we first started dating in 2024 he let me know, although he is an engineer by degree, he has an extremely low EQ. Overall, he is ok (not off the charts nice like other guys in...
Annie
I grew up around mental illness and dysfunction and I ended up with my own mental illnesses that have consumed my life. So based on my experiences. I think you are doing the right and loving thing for your son.
Also, you need to stop saying never. Never is a long time. It may take you some time, but you very well may be able to get your illnesses under control so that you can be the mother that he needs. Don't give up hope on yourself. Just keep fighting this and looking for help so you can eventually be there for your little boy.
Lastly, I commend you going to get your GED. You are doing something positive for yourself and your son so be proud.I think you are doing great. Keep it up!
The other thing that comes to my mind ... you are SO aware of WHY he is not with you .... seems that if you OBJECTIVELY and calmly studied the WHYs ... you could resolve them ... and thereby have a 'more normal' mother/child relationship.
The mind is pretty powerful. You just MIGHT be able to 'discipline' yourself to where you can have more of a relationship. Willpower ... perception, mental health care, .. put it all together .. and it may not have to be the way it is right now.
You may have heard all this, but in case you haven't, you can write a story about yourself, and why your son is with your mom, so he can read it when he's older. Maybe your Mom is taking photos and if not, maybe ask her if she could get a digital camera and make a diary for you to read about what he's up to.
You are doing so well, and the guilt is inevitable, no matter how misplaced. It will get better, and you will be able to be the mother you want to be.
As for me being abused as a child... that stuff happened outside of the home, like at school and stuff like that.. and as i got older more stuff happened to me, like having abusive boyfriends and stuff...even my son's father was one of the abusers...so no, he is not being abused where he lives now.