You are absolutely not alone. I can promise you that. Myself and so many others know exactly how you are feeling. Life is good but experiencing traumatic events especially in childhood changes your thoughts and behaviors, and without some kind of intervention or change, you grow into adulthood holding onto the pain. I am so sorry that you were in such a dark place that you attempted to end your life. I am so glad you are still here though. You are sharing your story and, you are honest and brave. It takes a lot of work and focus but you can overcome all the pain I promise. You just need to take steps to take care of yourself and love yourself. You matter in this world. Also, you may need to do more research into the medications you have been prescribed. Depending on what they are, dosage etc, they can affect your body and mind a ton in many ways especially if you recently started taking it. I would talk to your doctor again to tell then how are feeling, and ask about exploring other options, and maybe a referral to a counselor if possible. It’s important to talk about the pain to heal from it in my experience.

Thank you Breezy. Its really hard to read what you wrote. The good things you said about me but thank you.
I did look up the medications and I think I'm gonna take 2 of the 3.

Medication can help you to feel better and have a better life.
Sometimes it's neccessary. Though counseling should be
added. Between the two you can improve your life.

I'm gonna try 2 of the 3 medications and see if it helps any.
I kinda want to try counseling but I'm not very good at talking to people irl so I'm not sure if it would work.

No, Sweetie. You are not alone. You're at a great place to get support. I'll keep you in my prayers, Dear. God bless