I used to be a part of a support group for a very long time that folded.  I guess I'm glad it's over because it was not so great toward the end.  The aftercare at IOP is about an hour from my house and very difficult to get to, so that's not always a great option.  If I don't see the same people who were in IOP with me, that I liked a lot, it tends to not be very productive and get kind of awkward. It really is too far away.

I had found something remote and online that I really liked.  There are several groups that meet throughout the month.  There was one that really works with my schedule during the week after work.  The person who hosts it is pretty amazing, and I felt it was a good fit for me.  Plus it's all women so that helps.  It's well attended and pretty popular.  One of the people there remarked that she tells more to the people in the support group than in her actual life because it's confidential.  I can understand that.  I've been a lot more selective on who I tell big news to because people either don't handle information very well, or they are negative and make it about them.  So, I've been talking to the confidential support group first and then deciding if I want to tell people after that.  It's a privacy and boundaries thing.  Also, so much of the converstaion among my IRL friends is political all of the time, and this group is not that.

So I shared last night that I had my student loan paid off.  It was very, very emotional for me.  It's been 20 years and a difficult road.  I just needed to process.  I was literally so happy I was crying. I guess I am just not comfortable getting emotional in my everyday life. Plus I still don't feel like it's real.

The whole group was ecstatic for me, clapping, cheering, etc.  Which is all I really neeeded.  One of the women there in the group that I thought I liked suddenly got kind of negative.  She was being physically abused by family members and so when it's my turn to give feedback I encourage her to prioritize herself and set boundaries as I've been in the same situation.  When I shared this, after everyone was done cheering, she stopped and said, "So what do you want from us?!  I get the feeling that there is something more here that you are not telling us.  I mean we usually connect over negative things, and problems with family, is this all you have?"  Then she continues, and says, "Do you have anyone else that you talk to in your real life...or do you just come here...because it's kind of sad, you know."

I was actually really angry and I felt like saying, "So are you telling me to leave? You have a problem with me?"  I thought about it after I left, I felt like attacking her and saying, "Well I'm not the one getting my ass beat by my mother in law!"  I haven't been going to the group that long, but I started going regularly as I really liked it. The leader has a lot of recovery and is very empowered.  But I'm considering not returning.  There are several other groups on the schedule, not all work with my personal schedule, but I don't need this crap in my life.  It really begs the question, why isn't she telling everyone else that it's sad that they come to the group...? I mean WTF.  She has the wrong impression...it's not like I'm here in my city alone. I have people that I do things with and other people that I talk to.  I go to the group to take downtime for myself and regulate my emotions. Therapy is not always available. I don't need this s***.