i actually have something really fun to look forward to today and I think that's my secret of happiness... Needing to know something I can enjoy or look forward to that will make someone very happy...

ive been planning a little suprise Halloween dinner for my daughters two girl cousins and their mum... Their mum is one of my closest friends and the two girls although they are a few years older are my daughters best friends! They are so beautiful and no matter how long they stay for and what we do with them, the girls never bicker or argue an out anything!!!! 

At first, I was a bit lost as to what I was going to do today as my husband had made plans and he suggested during the week That he would go by himself now because it will be too hard with me watching the girls (race car day at the track) so I instantly felt yet again rejected and lonely... And there's ALWAYS the element of jealousy as to why doesn't he want me to come now- does he want to meet someone there or be able to chat up anyone to make himself feel better about himself- the usual stupid shit that fills my head with panicked. So I'm Left to do the chores and watch OUR girls... While he gets time to tune out and enjoy his weekend... But then I came up with this idea and I'm excited because the girls don't know and their mum is making it a suprise!!!

ive been decorating the house and making ghoulish treats almost to keep my mind busy but I've also been focusing on how happy my girl is getting things ready with me! She's loving it and so now I'm focusing on that rather then what I want and my happiness because truly I am happy when I see them happy...

so I wish myself luck in gaining some strength and learning how to not get so crushed from something as simple as plans changing and me feeling left out... Making the most of a situation--- just wanted to share! Now I gotta go get things ready!!!!