I got very close. I didnt realise at the time how low i was. I had got to a point where i had managed to finaly sort things out. Then the rug was pulled from under me yet again. I couldnt cope anymore. I hadnt intended to try it. I just went off and got drunk. Then in my state of mind i thought, There is know way out, i have fought, tried, twisted turned. Plan A,B,C. so i was very close to going, really close. Then a voice popped in my head. One sentence. shouted through my drunken haze. I listened. Thats what saved me that night. Would i do it again. No, never, things are still not resolved and might never be. How ever low i get he will never put me there again. When your in that state you just want the pain to stop. People around me got hurt. And faced consiquences, which i didnt mean for them to get hurt. This i still cant quite forgive myself for. this is why i would never go down that road again.

Yeah a few times shouldn't be alive now but came out of all attempts unscaved as for future attempts lets not go there...

i have attempted suicide several times...i've lost count of the number. I always overdose on benedryl and sometimes i've tried to slit my wrists as well. i've been lucky-somehow, i've been discovered unconscious and taken to the hospital.

in october 2010, i walked to a secluded area by the river and took 300 benedryl. it was a well hidden spot and i remember it was raining. It was getting close to sunset. I had this all planned out-write my note, take the pills, slit my wrists, and lie down and be done. i managed to write my note and put it in my purse. the ground was sandy but had some small rocks in it. I took the pills. tried to lay down but i remember the rocks bothered me, so i found a stick and tried to dig out a little area to lay down and die in. i had picked some lavender and was holding it. that's the last thing i remember. when i woke up, i had been in ICU for 2 days on a ventilator. by some miracle, a lady had seen my foot and called 911. I was clinically dead and the paramedics had to shock me. i was told my stomach was pumped. my clothes had to be cut off of me. it was so weird waking up in the hospital. i remember trying to talk but of course, i couldn't.
i was mad that i'd been found.

in 2009, i was in my room and took 200 pills. i was found by a friend, lying on the floor with all my cd's out of the case. i remember seeing a man, bright as the sun, on the opposite side of my bed. like he was waiting and watching over me, an angel i believe. i was in the hospital for a day or so...don't remember.

i do think about it- alot. in fact, i'm feeling suicidal this morning. i have to fight it so much. i'm so tired.

On December 22 I shot close to 600 or 700 units of insulin in me. On 12/23 my daughter, the police and an ambulance crew broke down my door, I was already in a coma. I spent 5 days in icu, 2 days on a regular floor and 5 in the psyche ward. I did not wake up the same person...I had a lot to deal with because I knew I had to change my life and that I could not go back to what it was.

I went on disability, sold everything I owned and went to temporarily live with a friend until June when I go to live with my son in Virginia. I am now in counseling and working with her to try and resolve the issues that led me to this...not only this time but several times before. I wanted to die...didn't care how it happened, just didn't want to live anymore.

Now I am trying to come back literally from the dead. My life is different. I have learned who I can count on and who I can not. That is hard. I struggle everyday not working and having lots of time to myself. I am trying to reach out to people here to help get me though each day.

Nancy

Not sure how helpful this post is to those contemplating suicide. I'm really fighting the urge and I find it interesting to read about methods. I know why I failed, so I know how to succeed next time.

OK, this is playing on my mind. Next time, I would be watchful for the police, so I would know when they were coming and juump before thay got there. Or, I would run to the opposite side, where there is more concrete beneath and jump before they could grab me. Next time, I would bring selotape in to the ward with me, or find a better way of tieing the bag round my neck so the nurses couldn't remove it so easily. Next time, I will succeed.

Where is the OP? Why would you post something ,like this then leave it to fester?

Time difference juice! Juice have to ask is this a cry for help from you???

It's been 9 hours, Max.I know there's a time difference, but I also wonder about the motive for a provocative post ike this. I think this post has been a massive trigger for me, so perhaps it is a cry for help. However, there is no help, as my GP mut be sick to death of my family and my 18 yr old son is suicidal, so I'm keeping a watch on him. Suicide would be fabulous at this point and the selfishness is becoming a weak reason for not carrying it through. Peace can surely only come from death.

It's why I didn't post much originally the pain left by a suicide death is still fresh for me as have the first anniversary coming up of a friends suicide on the 15th of Feb...Trust me there's a lot of pain left behind from it.

I'm sure there is, truly, and that is the reason I'm still here. Guilt.

I'm new to this group, new to admitting I'm depressed, (my name is pumpkin and I'm depressed after being bullied at work...yada yada yada). I saw the post from nineteen a few days back and saw an amazing response from so many people urging her to stay with it. The outcome for her, well, even if it's positive, won't be known here for a long time. And if not, I wish her soul peace and happiness, and I will still take away the amazing response by you people out there! You can't make some 'do' or 'not do' but you can make them aware of the care and support for they have.

Juice - please stay on the right side of the fight. One micro-step at a time. Like you I read this post by mal66 and wondered to the motivation behind it. When you're feeling a bit wobbly looking into the feelings is dangerous. Staying just outside them is much safer but much harder.

I've got my own story, my own personal battle with this topic. But it's all closed up, packaged away on a little shelf just off to the left of me. Right now, I choose not to look at or into it, because it wouldn't be safe for me...I might not be able to put it away again.

When life is hard it seems tempting to 'vanish' out of it, but you leave a large 'you' shaped hole in your world that is so difficult because those left can see it, feel the loss of you, and have no way of getting answers. The hole left behind then tries to drag everything and everyone into it and that pull can be doubly hard to resist.

Hope that makes sense. My brain cell is tired and spews out gibberish that in my head makes sense but gets garbled on the way out.

No.... I agree with juice.

I'm sorry, but I don't see how this is helpful in the SLIGHTEST.

Yay let's share our lowest points. Let's remember why we went there.

AND.... let's remind everyone who's ever lost someone close. Let's talk about how angry we are it didn't work, and who gives a FUCK about those around us who are left to live (or whatever YOU call it) in the aftermath.

i have tried more than i remember. 1 time my wife saved me i had a knife . that was stupid cause the chanses of it working are not good.another i almost tried to drive my car really fast headed for a concrete wall. i stoped once i tried to leave the car running in the garage sitting in back of the car failed that one too. now im too tired of trying. sooner or later ill try again something will work i hope

I tried once and it was my older brother that found me, since then my best friend found out and has helped me so much in stopping me from doing it again, although I have since thought about it I have a 4 year old daughter that needs me and doesnt have a dad that would take care of her if I was gone.

I know the pain that is left behind from suicides, I have lost a cousin and a friend in this way and I dont think that I could ever put someone I love through that.