Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

24,601 Members

160,807 Posts

1 Online

brokenwings26 05/29/2017

I graduated from university a year and a half ago with a degree in engineering.

So far until now I'm unable to find a job, the field has a lot of unemployment rate in my country.

6 months ago I got an internship only for training, not hiring , it lasts for a year ,, though I don't feel it's useful, I'm unhappy in there and I don't get given work to do, only watch what the other worker do not a whole training program where I'm gaining experience. Also in there they point that I'm not that good or "smart" and make me feel like I'm not good enough. while I know I shouldn't care or take what they say and believe in myself. I can't deny that it leaves me devastated and self doubting Also I feel miserable going there.

Right now I'm so depressed and lost , I feel so worthless and my self confidence and esteem is at lowest . I'm still dependent on my family while my friends are working in great companies. I feel like a total failure .

Another thing ,, I didn't chose this major, my family has chosen it for me and I knew right from the beginning that I wasn't enjoying it , I didn't know anything about it when I chose it and it was totally foolish. it was more of a chore. Now I'm hating it more , I don't enjoy it and at the same time it had given me horrible times be it for finding work.

Lots of the time I feel my years are going wasted and worry about my future, I used to be a great student at school and the first on classes, now I'm getting behind my peers.

I remember wanted to study architecture but didn't get accepted and now guilt is eating me up on why I didn't try harder back then.

Again now my parents want me to go for a master degree and they want to pay for it, I'm very lost, part of me is terrified of going back to study the same thing and suffer with fighting to get employed while I have no passion or drive , and part of me is tired from wasting the years doing nothing or not advancing in life. I feel life has gotten meaningless honestly and I struggle to keep going. I'm so confused and I feel like I don't know who I am or what I want anymore.

I had a failed suicide attempt few days ago and I struggle to leave the bed everyday. I feel dead inside.

sharaninmd 05/29/2017

Sorry for what you are going through. Please don't try to harm yourself again. Call a crisis hotline or suicide hotline. You probably should see a psychiatrist who may recommend medication and or therapy or counseling. Is it possible for you to study for a Masters degree in a field that interests you. Otherwise, continue to look for employment in the engineering field. You may find that you would be happier if you worked for another company. You don't deserve to be treated the way your present company is treating you and putting you down. You graduated with a degree in engineering which I am sure you are quite qualified in.

brokenwings26 05/30/2017

Thanks a lot for your reply

brokenwings26 05/30/2017

Thanks a lot for your reply

LauraRasmussen 05/30/2017

Please don't try to commit suicide. You should consult a psychiatrist. Take everything with a positive attitude. You are a graduate so you will get a job for sure. Hope you find a good job.

cmaa 05/30/2017

I looked at your profile real quick and have to say being 23 with your degree is already an outstanding accomplishment even though it sounds like it wasn't in something you were passionate about it's still a greater accomplishment than most people our age. The self-doubt and self-abuse that we give ourselves thinking that we aren't good enough, smart enough is so soul crushing. I've personally never said more hurtful things to myself more in my life until I got into college. My roommate and I have been friends since we were 3 years old and we both took the same course into what we wanted to be when we grew up and she ended up being a semester ahead of me, she started knowing exactly what major she wanted, and I didn't. I didn't find my major until my senior year and now I feel like I did everything wrong. You're not alone in this so please just know that if anything. Last semester I didn't get out of bed for almost an entire month, that's 1/4 of a semester right? And when I finally did I was so far behind I was thinking about dropping out completely. I had to email my professors telling them about my depression and my biggest fear was having to see them in class, I had small class sizes so they knew who I was. Most miserable semester of my life. I have two classes to finish and when I do I still don't know if it was worth it because I know I'm not smart enough or have a high enough GPA to be competitive. I'm sorry you're so hurt right now. I'm sorry everything seems hopeless. I want things to be okay for you, so you can stay a little longer to see if it does get better.

brokenwings26 05/31/2017

@LauraRasmussen
A psychiatrist would put me on meds and I'm very scared of having to live on them or taking them. Thanks for your comment

brokenwings26 05/31/2017

@cmaa I think the negative self talk plays a main role in the way we feel , and the way we are feeling makes us lag behind more , I keep reminding myself that each person has got his/her capabilities or main story and not necessarily we can reach things at the same pace, it's good to know that I'm not alone in this so thanks a lot for replying and I hope you feel better, maybe looking at it from an outer perspective that we are being hard on ourselves and also we are living with. A special conditions, being depressed, so we can't compare ourselves with those who feel normal and full of motivation all the time, maybe the smallest achievement can be something.

soulsearcher83 05/31/2017

Medication for depression isn't something to be afraid of. If a diabetic needs insulin, they need insulin. And depending on the severity of their diabetes and the type, they'll need it to survive. There's no shame in getting medication for depression. People suffer longer because of the fear of getting medication. To go get a masters degree in engineering would be a terrible idea. You hate the field and there's no employment and it where you are. If you want to go back to school and get a map, something you do something you know you'll get a job in. Or if possible, go back and get another bachelors degree. A lot of people do that.

brokenwings26 06/03/2017

Thanks for your suggestion,, I appreciate it!

Join the Conversation