Hi rosykitten, your analogy to cats is quite funny, but I agree with you, it is disrespectful to talk ill of the dead, no matter how good or bad they were whilst they were alive. They are no longer here to rebut all the criticisms inflicted against them. People are entitled to have their opinions, but I still think it is just bad manners to talk ill of the dead. Yet people still do it. If they talk ill of my parents, the critics must be prepared to clean their ears to endure my "opinions" of them. Do you agree Rosykitten?

I don't think you are right. My opinion may be that your mother is bad and I might say so publically which would be a statement based on my opinion of your mother. The opinion is held by the person making the statement and all statements would be based on that opinion.

Good or not, it is considered bad social graces to speak ill of the dead. This prohibition is enforced for many years. Anyone that speaks ill of the dead is showing a bad upbringing and bringing discredit upon themselves. You should defend but just realize you are defending against someone with no manners.

Unfortunately an "Opinion" is "a personal view, attitude or judgement that has no sure grounds of clarity." The difference in people sharing an opinion and being mean and disrespectful tends to fall in whether they were taught manners, decency and common sense when dealing with their fellow man.

People will always give their opinions on others, but they should also have the tact to limit said opinions before they become disparaging remarks about someone whether they be dead or alive.

If someone is being so tactless as to speak poorly of your dead mother to you, your best bet would be voice your displeasure with them and then just ignore them, because I doubt they have the moral compass needed to understand what they're doing is distasteful and wrong.

Take care.

What is more sadder is that young people (or adults who should know better) would derogate and pass judgment on their dead parents on a public forum. I think that no matter how bad (or how good) a parent was whilst alive, he/she at least bore the responsibilities and commitments to raise their children to grown adults, so for the pain, sacrifices and sufferings of bearing and raising a child, a parent has earned sufficient merits with their children to demand the minimum respect from them. At least this minimum requirement, this social etiquette should be satisfied. Perhaps I am old and old-fashioned, but young people in the digital age should practise the social graces and display respect for their parents (and elders).

Perhaps my mail box will be spammed for the opinion piece I have written above, but gee whiz, some people are so rude these days.

Hmmm...as someone whose father was a pedophile and mother was a psychopathic, abusive evil person...I don't think just being a "parent" earns you respect. I survived my parentage, but no I have no respect for either of them, the dead one or the one who's still alive.

But, people should still keep their opinions of others peoples dead relatives to themselves, out of respect to the living person.

To me, the reply would be, "I wish you wouldn't say those things around me; that was my Mom. You have an an opinion, and you are free to speak however you wish, but it makes me feel sad and angry when you talk about her like that in front of me, and so I will go do something else away from you because I am free to choose not to hear it." Then exit the room. I don't know if that is possible in your particular situation. If it is someone who you can limit contact with, I would sure do that in a heartbeat. You don't need their rudeness in your life :) If it's someone you can't limit the contact with, at least you feel better knowing you have asserted your opinion, told them how they make you feel, and they will know why you leave the room in the future. You can hold your head high and feel good about yourself AND your loyalty to your mom.

Hi OlderCPerson, I am sorry to hear that you did not have a good start in life and with parents that you could respect. Not many people are lucky in life and I am empathetic to your situation, but my parents had ingrained in me the cultural values that I was brought up in, which included honour, loyalty, and respect of your parents and the elderly.

I agree with you OlderCPerson wholeheartedly that we should not speak ill of the dead, but I would like to differ in that our refrain is not only due to respect of the living but to the dead as well. A person had served their karma whilst alive and paid all their dues when dead. If the deceased owed others and could not repay whilst alive, the debt would be repaid in the next life, in the next karma. I am just a humble soul and not wise enough to pass judgment on another. Let God perform judgment on his creations when arrived at Death's door.

I agree with you WuWei in your retort to the hypothetical critic who insulted your mother. I would add that: "if you feel comfortable with your disparagement of my dead parent, then you would not mind if I criticise your flipping irresponsible parent that has brought you up to be an insolent and disrespectful cow!". Then quickly exit stage left lest they throw a rock at you. He he he. I also concur that you should avoid the creep, and practise social distancing when approaching his/her proximity lest you catch their insolence like catching the corona.