Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Mental Health
/ Depression Support Group

Struggling to keep fighting. Wanting to give up.

acinorev92
acinorev92
The fight for happiness seems so futile, depression has overcome me and I fear there is no turning back. I've always been able to recover, pick myself up and turn life around, find the positive, but now all I feel is pain and emptiness. I've been skipping classes, sleeping in, my days off I hardly leave my bed. I have no desire to keep moving forward. It seems so futile. I have two things written on my wrist in permanent marker, the number of days I've been sober, 576, and LOVE, the word I've always written to help me fight, but I don't want to fight, I want to drink and give up, I want to crawl into a hole and stay there. I want to take my prescription pain killers and numb this pain I feel inside of me. I just want it to go away. I feel like I'm dying on the inside. Slowly rotting away. Into nothingness. Oblivion.
heretic
heretic
Alcohol is a dangerous drug - it never did anyone any good.
I know the need to stop the pain, it can be overwhelming.
I have never experienced happiness, wouldn't know what
it felt like, can't say I know what I'm missing. So good you
have been sober for so long, that is something to really be
proud of. What does your doctor say about how you are
feeling? Do you have a therapist? There are things you can
do to help yourself. I hope you find the help you need.
acinorev92
acinorev92
I can say I do know what it's like to be happy, but I haven't been truly happy for a long time. I've learned to appreciate being "surface happy", happy on the outside, able to enjoy life, but never really getting true satisfaction, filling the void with meaningless things that eventually fall apart and make me feel worse. I need to make an appointment with my doctor, I just got a new one recently and only had the intro appointment thus far, takes a while for a bond to develop with a doctor, enough of one that I can open up about everything. I used to see a counselor at my university, she's a trained trauma counselor, but unfortunately my issues are directly related to processing or dealing with a traumatic event so she is of no help. I'm trying my best to get better, the first step is loving myself and not drinking or taking additional substances, things that are extremely difficult to resist while in this state of mind. Thanks for your concern heretic.