Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Jess1995x 10/06/2016

Hi guys,

this is my first post to this group. I have been suffering with depression for a long time, but just recently I have been really struggling.
My Gran has Alzheimars Disease, and is currently in hospital, she has been in for just over a week and was last in 3 weeks ago, this time she is so poorly and slept most of the time when I visited her yesterday. It is so hard to see her suffering so much and not remembering things or being able to string a sentance together.
We live about 60 miles away from her so it isn't always easy to go up and see her as much as we would like to, and my Uncle is always moaning that we are never there to help out.
Anyways, we try and see her as much as possible and my Grandad, but it is always me and my Mum having to go up, occassionaly my Dad will come along too, however my Brother never goes up to see her, he hasn't seen her in the last year and a half.
With my depression seeing her so bad doesn't help it, but I go to show her how much I love her and show my support for her, but he never goes, and it is really affecting me.
He always makes up excuses for not going and my dad has even made up excuses for him too. I know when she passes away it will be him screaming out for the attention and having a go at us all because he didn't go and see her etc, and I know this is none of our faults except his own but I just hate how this all is.
I push myself to go and see her no matter how hard it is, but I am scared that all this is going to really affect my depression in the long run.
Just needed to get all this off my chest, sorry if it doesn't make sense, and thank you for reading

beilkat0 10/06/2016

You are loved, I am really sorry to hear about you Gran. That is very hard. God is your strength and he is always with you. When my aunt was dying so lived two hours away so I did not get to see her very much. One of things I did to try and help was write a letter. She never got to read but I was able to write how much I loved her. Depression is like this cloud that we can't get rid, but if we are in it long enough we know that our emotions so change and there is light. I pray for the up most strength for you and you are dealing with this.

Jess1995x 10/06/2016

Thank you, its so hard because when we try to have a conversation with her it never makes sense, so half the time we just listen to her, she brings up old memories but when she gets upset about not remembering things its so hard. I pray every day for her and my family. Thank you again

Minidogs2 10/06/2016

You're doing the right thing by going to see her as much as you can. Don't feel bad about what you can't do. I used to work in a nursing home so I know that you can connect with a person with Alzheimer's emotionally even if you can't connect mentally anymore. If you focus on spending time with her and expressing love to her, hopefully it helps you feel better about yourself and less depressed. Try journaling how you feel before you go and after you go. Sometimes it may get you down but sometimes you may come out feeling better about yourself for reaching out. It also shows you that you can't be stopped by feelings of depression. You can set your mind to do something good and follow through with it. Wishing you all the best.

MaryTurk 10/06/2016

My MIL had Alzheimer's. With my own health issues, it was hard to go see her. But, my husband never went. His excuse was he wanted to remember her the way she was. I do understand that. But, there is a person behind the issue. I think he appreciates what I did. I know my oldest daughter does. She went with me. My youngest daughter regrets not going to see her.
But, my point is, it truly helps with the memory. Yes, there are times when the memory is bad. But, the overall memory is good....because I did what I could.
Keep going. Don't let others decide that for you. Do it for yourself...and her.

Debbalina 10/06/2016

What a thoughtful granddaughter you are. Maybe it won't affect your depression in the long run - maybe you will feel relief and at peace...sending prayers your way.

Jess1995x 10/12/2016

Thank you for all your comments, they are all so helpful, I know that if I don't go and see her I will feel worse, i just wish there was more support from our family over this. I do feel better in the long run seeing her but it is so hard seeing her the way she is, its such an awful disease. Unfortunately they didn't catch it until it was advanced though and she has refused the scans to see what stage and what type it is. She's still in hospital at the moment, but she is 'medically fit' to go home, they are just waiting on carers to be sorted for her at home.
Thanks again for all the support, it really does mean so much to have someone listen.

forestfreek 10/12/2016

I sympathize greatly with you. I worked on an Alzheimer's floor of a nursing home for 4 years and honestly, the disease is harder on the families than it is the person suffering from it. It's INCREDIBLY hard to watch your loved one decline in that way and people that haven't gone through it just don't understand.
Your brother is likely having trouble dealing with the situation hence his lack of visiting. I get that you are concerned about your own emotional well-being (as you should be) but you are doing the right thing by visiting. Unfortunately, you can't make your brother do the same no matter how hard you try. Try and seek out a support group for yourself for family member's of Alzheimer sufferers. I think it would really help you to talk to others that are going through the same thing.

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