Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Stop trying?

Friend19
Friend19
If someone makes you feel like they are never listening to you, or taking your feelings into consideration...What is the best thing to do? What if you've tried and tried again your whole life to express to these people how they make you feel, and it only causes arguments? What if your issue is that very thing, your expression of feelings is always returned with a shut down or backlash? I'm talking about my parents. My entire child hood I hid away in my room. I never could talk to them about anything. Half the time when I tried I couldn't even comprehend why it made them so upset. My feelings upset them? I get hung up on, shouted over or shut down. I've always been told it's important to be up front, if someone is hurting you, let them know. But trying to tell them only seems to make things worse. So should I just hold it in? Is that the best option? Shut up and and back down? Please don't tell me we need to go to family therapy, if they can't even let me finish a sentence beginning with "I feel" therapy is just not going to happen. And I can't afford my own therapy- Is there anything else I can do other then try and start more huge blowouts that only hurt me? Or suppress myself and hurt myself? I feel like it's all on me to find a solution, they don't even care to try. I've tried to ask for a compromise, I wont yell if you please just let me finish. But they just continue to tell me It's all me/ my fault. I'm too this, or too that. I always admit to my faults, but according to them, they have none. I know I'm an adult, and this sounds like something a teenager would write. Should I just stop trying and let our relationship go to pot? This is causing a great deal of depression, and always has been. But not communicating with them at all would only add more I fear. Because my family is all I have.

HUGS
chelle37
chelle37
This is a really difficult situation you're dealing with. I guess what I would say is you can't change them, as hard as that is. I would try to limit contact with them to pretty minimal. I definitely think holding it in with them is the best plan. I think you should share your feelings, but not with them. I say that because they don't really let you share what you need to, and aren't willing to work on things with you. It sounds like you don't have a very good support system right now, do you have anyone besides your parents that are supportive?
Friend19
Friend19
Thank you chelle, this is the second time you've been there to support me. HUGS

Yes, I have my brother, believe it or not, as much as we fought as children, we get along pretty well now.


HUGS
chelle37
chelle37
You're welcome (: I think that having your brother can make a big difference, to have at least one person you can talk to is so important. I'm really glad you have him! Does he feel similarly about your parents?
charliegirl29
charliegirl29
It's definitely hard to talk to people who do not understand what upsets you. Often times the backlash is because they are not listening correctly and/or they are personalizing your feelings onto them instead of realizing there is a simple solution. If your feelings are negative about them.....say. you hurt me by doing such and such....they may say you are overly sensitive (this is not listening to what you are saying). Whatever your family does to hurt you and you do not think you will be heard.......write it if you can and ask them not to respond until they learn to listen and hear what you have to say and acknowledge they understand what the issue is at hand or its going to cause you to shut down communication with them?
Friend19
Friend19
Yes. Most definitely...But at the same time he likes to visit them often...And I don't. So something is different. I cry when my parents treat me like this...He just blows his temper threw the roof, maybe that's why he's not stressed by them. He feels like he wins everytime.
Friend19
Friend19
I've tried the writing thing out Charlie...What I get in response is exactly what you said...A personalization of my feelings on to them. No acknowledgment of me at all. Sometimes I feel like a spoiled brat because I think maybe I'm demanding too much attention on me. But I really don't know what it feels like off of DS to talk to someone and have what I brought up actually turn into a conversation. Am I demanding?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ive been on a similar road like this with one of my ex gfs. Its a tough road to make them see what you are hope your parents do. I dont have no helpful opinions to this situation as my relation with my ex ended teriibly is keep going even its family is all you have i can relate to that.... sorry for bad typing kinda buzzed from drinking but doesnt mean i cant add some kind of support but dont forget theres others like you but your strong for venting, its tough to open up to others.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think your parents view your feelings as their failure and they don't know how to deal with this. Because you are depressed and have anxiety they blame themselves for failing you. They do this sub-consciously and when they hear the 'I feel..." they hear Blame on them. Not by you, but by themselves.

Perhaps it will be better for you to discuss your issues with more sympathetic people as you need support and not be shot down every time you want to express yourself.

Your parents will hide in their cocoon and pretend that everything is ok while you go and actually get the support you need.

peace and light to you

Love

Gargoyle